Well the interview went pretty well. Sounds like a great job for me, if the money were better (but he says he gives merit raises - which could work in my favor) if the hours weren't so crappy, and it weren't so freakly far away from home. Subsidized health care for the kids is a great thing, but if you have to travel 45 minute to get them there, and they stress themselves out horribly ..arrrgh. I don't know what to do. Maybe they won't even offer me the job and I won't have to worry about it. But I do have to worry about it, cause if they offer me the job, I really should give them an answer right away.
I have come to the conclusion that one of my co-workers doesn't like me. Its subtle. Ive thought it before, but now I am certain. There is a new restaurant opening up next door to where we work. They gave us all a free entree on tuesday night to try the place. (it was VERY good) So my boss who had the day off was going to come down after work and go out with the girls in the office (cause they got the coupons on the day I had off - so they knew about it, I didn't) My boss told me about it as I was leaving one day. Well that morning, this particular co-worker I'll call T started talking about the free meal with me, and asking if I was going to go after work. (not later as the plans were with the boss) I said I was probably going to go with my hubby, and she asked if he was going to come up early, or if I was going to wait for him. the push really was - as I saw it - for me to get in and out of there before everyone else showed up.
But this is ok, cause I don't really like her either. I think Im going to tell my boss about this particular incident, and a few little other things that have been bugging me, and then drop the entire matter, and never complain about her again. What bugs me most about T is that she is the boss' back up, so she is slightly higher up on the food chain than I am, but she spends most of her time doing work that has nothing to do with our office. She spent two hours doing someone else's job entirely. Her reasoning is that he can't do his job right. My thoughts on that is let him do his job wrong so we can get rid of him and get someone who can do the job right.. if she's carrying him, it only benefits him doesn't it?
Oh well. Morons about, and I just have to live with it. or do I? I could just take the other job and possibly live with a whole new set of morons.. Decisions decisions..
11.02.2005
10.30.2005
so now what
Well I just realized it has been many months between the last two posts.. Id love to say lots has happened, but it hasn't. Job still stinks. It got so bad that I read the paper and found a job at a vet. I applied, and I have an interview on tuesday. Other than that.. same ol same ol. I took on a few more responsiblities at work, but none of them REALLY matter. I would feel bad leaving my co-workers, but not so much so that Im not seriously considering doing it. Its only three days a week, and only about 23 hours and a four dollar an hour pay cut.. (wait.. why am I considering this??) I have to wonder if my current job would let me stay part time part of me thinks yes, but then another part says she really needs the help. Who knows. Who knows if I'll even be offered the new job. Saturday I was so sure that I was going to beg for the job, then as I was leaving, things seemed to get better. Im starting to feel more and more left out at work. Maybe Im bringing it upon myself since Im not one to join in idle gossip. Im usually the last one to hear about things for that reason.
Oh I don't know. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Maybe they wont want me, or maybe I wont want them. Who knows. I mean the commute will be about 5 or 10 minutes longer than it is now.. arrgh.
So maybe I should just give up working all together and sell stuff on ebay all day long... except I hate people and have had very little fun selling on ebay (except when the money comes in - hey.. wait.. sounds like every other job Ive had)
Well.. I should stop avoiding and either list stuff on ebay, or go work out. Anyone got a three sided coin..
Oh I don't know. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Maybe they wont want me, or maybe I wont want them. Who knows. I mean the commute will be about 5 or 10 minutes longer than it is now.. arrgh.
So maybe I should just give up working all together and sell stuff on ebay all day long... except I hate people and have had very little fun selling on ebay (except when the money comes in - hey.. wait.. sounds like every other job Ive had)
Well.. I should stop avoiding and either list stuff on ebay, or go work out. Anyone got a three sided coin..
10.27.2005
cry if you want to
Ok.. Why on earth have I been on the edge of tears for a week now? hun? yea yea yea.. chemical imbalance, screwed up in the brain and body.. I get it.. but its just wrong! Ok yes, work sucks right now, and the hubby has spent ALL of our money on $12.00 lunches and I just want to kill him, so we are in a bit of a hole AT THE MOMENT. I know this. I know we'll get out of it. I know things will improve to the point where we.. no I have throwing around money again.. Im in good health, he's in good health, the kids are in good health, and the foster kids are in good health, roof over our head, full tank of oil, food in the pantry, gas in the car, car.. I mean come on. I have nothing to complain about.. (well except work, but even that I shouldn't, I mean I have a job) and I just want to cry and scream and throw things around and have a major two yr old type tantrum.
I don't think it will make me feel better. Ive done it in the past with very very very limited success.
Having money and or having money to go shopping wont either, since I do technically have money..
grrrr.
This better go away soon. (hoping just putting it down on 'paper' will help)
I don't think it will make me feel better. Ive done it in the past with very very very limited success.
Having money and or having money to go shopping wont either, since I do technically have money..
grrrr.
This better go away soon. (hoping just putting it down on 'paper' will help)
6.23.2005
prop your legs up and scooch down
Oh the horrors of an annual. I suppose in the great scheem of things, its no the worst thing I have to put up with, but it is pretty undignified. Worse yet was my dr had a student watching. A young pimply faced boy. I didn't mind that he was there, I just couldn't watch him watch. Except for being over my ideal weight - both from a dream standpoint and a medical standpoint - which differs by about 20 to 30 lbs, Im pretty darn healthy. I had her remove a skin tag from behind my left knee. Some how I think that was more undignified than putting my legs up in stirups. I do know what I need to do to loose weight, Ive done it in the past, but its just so darn hard, especially when you get two lemon cakes :). The women I work with were so sweet and threw me a surprise get together. One of them cooks very well, and made me a very yummy lemon cake. I got home to my husband finishing up another one. arrgh. I shouldn't complain. I just need to seriously start working out again. Maybe I'll make that a thing... I can't eat lemon cake if Im not doing some sort of exercise while I eat it :D
Work is bugging the living crap out of me. I work for a new company with in an established one. aka an established mom and pop type business whith six stores, went out and purchased the rights to a franchise for their new store. Its a great concept, and if we were allowed to run it, it would be a whole heck of a lot less frustrating than it is. This new store has a whole different computer system, and the people in the main offices have no idea how to run it, and they refuse to give up control over certain areas, but then they have no idea how to DO these certain things. arrrgh. The owner is a great guy, who appears to want us to have our own control, but his corp staff wont let us... cause "that is not the way things are done". I could scream. Id quit, but I really like the women I work with in the office. I mean they threw me a shindig.. with gifts and cake and balloons. How awesome is that? Ive never been a bury my head in the sand kinda girl. But that is the only way I can get through a day of work with out being so frustrated I want to scream. oh well.
Im also thinking of buying a new car. I bought one six months ago, and Im not happy with it. Seems like such a waste to buy one after only six months, but why should I waste my time not being happy with my car? I have to spend a whole heck of a lot of time in it lately. I want to go back to a convertable. I know I know, its silly. red hair blue eyes, two minutes in the sun and Im toast, but its fun, and I like them. The flip top is very convenient to put big things in the back seat.. which Ive done from time to time in my past two.
well Im cold and Im tired, I think I'll go back to bed for a while.
Work is bugging the living crap out of me. I work for a new company with in an established one. aka an established mom and pop type business whith six stores, went out and purchased the rights to a franchise for their new store. Its a great concept, and if we were allowed to run it, it would be a whole heck of a lot less frustrating than it is. This new store has a whole different computer system, and the people in the main offices have no idea how to run it, and they refuse to give up control over certain areas, but then they have no idea how to DO these certain things. arrrgh. The owner is a great guy, who appears to want us to have our own control, but his corp staff wont let us... cause "that is not the way things are done". I could scream. Id quit, but I really like the women I work with in the office. I mean they threw me a shindig.. with gifts and cake and balloons. How awesome is that? Ive never been a bury my head in the sand kinda girl. But that is the only way I can get through a day of work with out being so frustrated I want to scream. oh well.
Im also thinking of buying a new car. I bought one six months ago, and Im not happy with it. Seems like such a waste to buy one after only six months, but why should I waste my time not being happy with my car? I have to spend a whole heck of a lot of time in it lately. I want to go back to a convertable. I know I know, its silly. red hair blue eyes, two minutes in the sun and Im toast, but its fun, and I like them. The flip top is very convenient to put big things in the back seat.. which Ive done from time to time in my past two.
well Im cold and Im tired, I think I'll go back to bed for a while.
6.20.2005
give me courage
Its time for my annual exam. In fact if I don't go in the next few minutes Im going to be late for it. I hate it. I put up with it, its not painful or anything, I just don't like going to the doctor. They almost never tell you anything good (except last year when they tested my colesteral and that was very good)
arrrgh
More later I guess
arrrgh
More later I guess
5.19.2005
arrrgh!
There is a cartoon that has been rewritten by several different artists about their main charaters having a bad day. It starts off with a wish to be dead, then the main charater realizes they couldn't continue to do the things they do like to do, so they change their mind and wish everyone else was dead.
Im kinda in that place right now.
grrrr
Hopefully the day will get better.
Im kinda in that place right now.
grrrr
Hopefully the day will get better.
5.17.2005
broke down
Ok.. I took one more pill. I had to. I had a HORRIBLE night last night. I got horribly dizzy and nautious. Somehow I made it home (I went out to the movies) and crawled into bed. I woke up this morning feeling almost normal, then I moved. That wasn't a good thing, so I broke down and had one. I know this is only going to prolong my agony, but hopefully I wont feel like vomiting every two seconds. Somehow I ate breakfast this morning, but I so don't want lunch or anything else to eat.. not even cookies, which you KNOW something isn't right if I dont want to eat cookies. I need to go in and play with the kittens, but the idea of it is turning my stomach again. All I want to do is go back to bed and sleep... but I wont. I'll attempt to do some things on my todo list, and if I can't face it, I'll take a nap before my meeting tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be feeling normal enough to go to work tomorrow...
5.16.2005
Women
"Women"
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry
burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream. They sing
when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call"
from a friend after a snowy drive home.
Women have special qualities about them. They
volunteer for good causes.
They are pink ladies in hospitals, they bring food to
shut ins. They are child care workers, executives,
attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes and
your neighbors.
They wear suits, jeans, and uniforms. They fight for
what they believe in. They stand up for injustice.
They are in the front row at PTA meetings. They vote
for the person that will do the best job for family issues.
They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children
in the right schools and for getting their family the
right health care.
They write to the editor, their congressmen and to the
"powers that be" for things that make for a better life.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe
there is a better solution.
They stick a love note in their mate's lunch box. They
do without new shoes so their children can have them.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love
unconditionally.
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are
smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they
still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends,
and themselves. They cry when their children
excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new
marriage. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They
have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they
are strong when they think there is no strength left. A
woman's touch can cure any ailment. They know that
a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
She can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They live in homes, apartments, and cabins. They
drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you to show how much
they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy
and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They
give moral support to their family and friends. And all
they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the
same to people you come in contact with.
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry
burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream. They sing
when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call"
from a friend after a snowy drive home.
Women have special qualities about them. They
volunteer for good causes.
They are pink ladies in hospitals, they bring food to
shut ins. They are child care workers, executives,
attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes and
your neighbors.
They wear suits, jeans, and uniforms. They fight for
what they believe in. They stand up for injustice.
They are in the front row at PTA meetings. They vote
for the person that will do the best job for family issues.
They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children
in the right schools and for getting their family the
right health care.
They write to the editor, their congressmen and to the
"powers that be" for things that make for a better life.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe
there is a better solution.
They stick a love note in their mate's lunch box. They
do without new shoes so their children can have them.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love
unconditionally.
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are
smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they
still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends,
and themselves. They cry when their children
excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new
marriage. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They
have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they
are strong when they think there is no strength left. A
woman's touch can cure any ailment. They know that
a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
She can make a romantic evening unforgettable.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They live in homes, apartments, and cabins. They
drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you to show how much
they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy
and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They
give moral support to their family and friends. And all
they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the
same to people you come in contact with.
24 hours with out meds
Oh my Im dizzy. I really really hate this, but Im sick and tired of taking them and not feeling any better so off I go. The dr recommended taking one every other day at this stage, but I don't really want to, I want to get off as soon as possible. Who ever thought the side effects of anti-depressants were worse than being depressed. I have today and tomorrow off, and I SO wanted to do some spring cleaning, but I barely have the fortitude to get out of bed. so of course Im trying to self medicate with food, figuring if I have enough sugar in my system it will help counter act how horrid I feel, but its not working. So much for my diet. I was down about five or so pounds this week, but I don't think that is going to last, but that is ok, cause next week I can get back on.. listen to me.. next week... how about tomorrow? Who knows.. guess we'll have to see how it goes.
5.14.2005
asshole of a "boss"
I put that in quotes cause technically he isn't my boss. I work for the office, and we have an office manager and a sales manager. when the office manager is out, the sales manager is technically in charge, but he is such a freakingly clueless self absorbed lying idiot that sometimes I just want to smack him. Not to mention he wears WAY too much cologne. He has no idea how clueless he is, and when you try to tell him you are in the wrong. Oh I could just scream!
I should turn this anger into pitty, cause eventually someone is going to tell him and he will listen and then wont he be sad and totally with out a job. Ok maybe not sad, he'll probably turn it all around and scream religious prosecution, cause he is a lying zealot.... but hey.. if this is how he chooses to live his life, then that really is his own fault. He'll probably burn in hell cause I truly doubt he believes in his religion, cause if he did he wouldn't do half the crap he does. I should just take comfort in that, although my religion doesn't allow me to. I should try to redeem him - but there is no redemption for him!! ok, maybe there would be but he wont allow it, cause he is right, you are wrong, even though you know how to do his job better than him.
jerk
I should turn this anger into pitty, cause eventually someone is going to tell him and he will listen and then wont he be sad and totally with out a job. Ok maybe not sad, he'll probably turn it all around and scream religious prosecution, cause he is a lying zealot.... but hey.. if this is how he chooses to live his life, then that really is his own fault. He'll probably burn in hell cause I truly doubt he believes in his religion, cause if he did he wouldn't do half the crap he does. I should just take comfort in that, although my religion doesn't allow me to. I should try to redeem him - but there is no redemption for him!! ok, maybe there would be but he wont allow it, cause he is right, you are wrong, even though you know how to do his job better than him.
jerk
5.06.2005
looking over the cliff
Have you ever had one of those projects where you think the reward of having it completed way out weighs the work involved to finish it? then you start to get into it and you realize it is going to take way more work than you thought, but you trudge along anyway.. only to find out that there is even way MORE work involved and you just really want to give it all up?
Well life is like that for me sometimes. I can't really complain cause on paper my life is pretty darn good. Yes, I have a weight problem, but if that is my biggest complaint I really need to shut up. But this morning after I got out of my shower I looked twoward my sink and saw all kinds of bath product bottles and just started thinking about how much work my life is and wondered again for the millionth and a half time if it was really all worth it, and wouldn't everyone around me be better off with out me.
Logically I know the answer is no. but there is a part of me that knows life would go on with out me and maybe things would be better in the long run. I hate that part of me. Fortunately I am stronger than it... and God willing I always will be.
Well life is like that for me sometimes. I can't really complain cause on paper my life is pretty darn good. Yes, I have a weight problem, but if that is my biggest complaint I really need to shut up. But this morning after I got out of my shower I looked twoward my sink and saw all kinds of bath product bottles and just started thinking about how much work my life is and wondered again for the millionth and a half time if it was really all worth it, and wouldn't everyone around me be better off with out me.
Logically I know the answer is no. but there is a part of me that knows life would go on with out me and maybe things would be better in the long run. I hate that part of me. Fortunately I am stronger than it... and God willing I always will be.
5.01.2005
You Are 55% Normal
You Are 55% Normal (Somewhat Normal) |
 While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself |
4.18.2005
venting
i know.. its been a while since Ive written. Things have been fairly normal and average around here lately. I did start a new job. I like it. I miss my old one more than I thought possible, but it is more the people and the pets than the work. My current job is a PITA. Very borring at this point. The store is new and hasn't offically opened - even though we have been selling for about a month. Hopefully it will pick up this week with our grand opening. I spend a whole lot of time doing nothing... but hey, I get paid good money to do nothing.
For a while now I have been taking Effexor. This stuff is a total pain in the ass. You have to take it at the same time every day or you get dizzy and nautious. Between jobs I had some major stress and I got some heart palpitations, which I can't blame on th e Effexor, but I want to. Now my hands shake all the time. I think Im going to have to call my doctor and get off this stuff. No, I don't much like thinking what point there is to life, but seriously folks, what point is there to life?? Really the most you can do is make life better for other people, and it seems kinda pointless to be here to make some one else's life better. Yea, good for them, but in the end what does their life amount to?
I do believe in God, and Heaven and the afterlife. but again, what is the point in that. I get to exist for all eternity... doing what? Probably making other people happy. Frankly most people are just all too self absorbed for me to even want to try to make them happy. 9 times out of 10 when someone around you upsets you, its not on purpose, its because they are too involved with their own feelings and needs to care what outcome their actions have. Sadly I like making other people happy. It annoys my friends sometimes cause I will often go out of my way to do something for them. All too often I hear " You didn't need to do that" To which my answer is, if I had to, I wouldn't have. Im also sick and tired of hearing "Are you sure?" when I make an offer to do something. Well DUH! I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to. *sigh* I know people are just trying to be nice and not take things for granted, but it gets annoying. Guess its just me though. Being weird and all. Its probably my lack of sick kittens to care for. The being needed part is important to me, and all too often I feel superfulous in my own life.
I totally need to get back on the weight loss bandwagon. This is not because I don't feel I fit into society's standard of beauty, but because Im sick and tired of not fitting into chairs and taking a large size shirt, but a 3x pair of pants. Sometimes I wish I was rich and could just have the fat sucked off me. A little off the belly, a lot off the hips and thighs, and some off the back of my arms and i'd be happy. Honestly. I don't need to be a size 4 (although if a Magic Gene came around and offered I'd probably take it) I just don't want to have to wear mumus.
I totally need to get off my duff too. I still have a pretty long todo list. ALthough I haven't written it down. I probably should. Todo lists that are written down have a way of getting done..... ok ok I'll write it down, and I'll start working on it later.
arrrrrrgh.
For a while now I have been taking Effexor. This stuff is a total pain in the ass. You have to take it at the same time every day or you get dizzy and nautious. Between jobs I had some major stress and I got some heart palpitations, which I can't blame on th e Effexor, but I want to. Now my hands shake all the time. I think Im going to have to call my doctor and get off this stuff. No, I don't much like thinking what point there is to life, but seriously folks, what point is there to life?? Really the most you can do is make life better for other people, and it seems kinda pointless to be here to make some one else's life better. Yea, good for them, but in the end what does their life amount to?
I do believe in God, and Heaven and the afterlife. but again, what is the point in that. I get to exist for all eternity... doing what? Probably making other people happy. Frankly most people are just all too self absorbed for me to even want to try to make them happy. 9 times out of 10 when someone around you upsets you, its not on purpose, its because they are too involved with their own feelings and needs to care what outcome their actions have. Sadly I like making other people happy. It annoys my friends sometimes cause I will often go out of my way to do something for them. All too often I hear " You didn't need to do that" To which my answer is, if I had to, I wouldn't have. Im also sick and tired of hearing "Are you sure?" when I make an offer to do something. Well DUH! I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to. *sigh* I know people are just trying to be nice and not take things for granted, but it gets annoying. Guess its just me though. Being weird and all. Its probably my lack of sick kittens to care for. The being needed part is important to me, and all too often I feel superfulous in my own life.
I totally need to get back on the weight loss bandwagon. This is not because I don't feel I fit into society's standard of beauty, but because Im sick and tired of not fitting into chairs and taking a large size shirt, but a 3x pair of pants. Sometimes I wish I was rich and could just have the fat sucked off me. A little off the belly, a lot off the hips and thighs, and some off the back of my arms and i'd be happy. Honestly. I don't need to be a size 4 (although if a Magic Gene came around and offered I'd probably take it) I just don't want to have to wear mumus.
I totally need to get off my duff too. I still have a pretty long todo list. ALthough I haven't written it down. I probably should. Todo lists that are written down have a way of getting done..... ok ok I'll write it down, and I'll start working on it later.
arrrrrrgh.
3.07.2005
grab a piece of cake and join me
in my misery. The hearing did NOT go well today. My lawyer didn't tell the people she was coming, so I was behind the 8 ball to start. She didn't like my side of the story at all, and she made that painfully obvious. the moron who was my boss lied all over the place again. Big surprise.
So my goal over the next part of my life is to not obsess about this. I need to drop it and let it go. I could appeal, but I don't think it would really be worth it unless i spent the money and went with the high priced lawyer - which I would love to do, but it just makes me look petty. I wanted him to see he might possibly be wrong, which I KNEW wasn't going to happen. Well maybe it will. Maybe the woman will put her pettiness aside and rule for me. Who knows.
But I shall sit and eat cake, take a bubble bath, and do my best to anticipate the new job instead of dwelling on the last.
really
So my goal over the next part of my life is to not obsess about this. I need to drop it and let it go. I could appeal, but I don't think it would really be worth it unless i spent the money and went with the high priced lawyer - which I would love to do, but it just makes me look petty. I wanted him to see he might possibly be wrong, which I KNEW wasn't going to happen. Well maybe it will. Maybe the woman will put her pettiness aside and rule for me. Who knows.
But I shall sit and eat cake, take a bubble bath, and do my best to anticipate the new job instead of dwelling on the last.
really
3.04.2005
woo freakin hoo!
As you might or might not know, I was recently fired from my last job. Today I went and saw a lawyer about it. The owner/boss lied to unemployment and made me look horrible and thus denied my ability to get unemployment. The lawyer thinks I have a very interesting case for my appeal in getting benifits restored. Sadly (or not depending on your perspective) I took a job this morning, so I can't collect indefininately, but at least I will have been put in the "right". He shouldn't have fired me. He has the right, as this is an at will employment state, but he was wrong all over the place and we get to show him to his face what a jerk he is!! :)
Diet wise I haven't been doing very well.. exercise wise I have though. This morning was strange as I was having heart palpitations while lying in bed (before I started my morning) I wasn't overly stressed about my meeting, so I don't think that is it, although it could have been.
So I have a job at a beautiful furniture store. Its stunning! I hope I have an amazing discount. Its almost too bad I already bought new bedroom furniture cause the stuff in there is just what I wanted, but what i have is close enough, and I enjoy it. I can't just get rid of perfectly good furniture because I found something I like. The hubby was joking with me that I'd probably bring home way too much, and I laughed that I would only bring home pieces I need. He said when does need have anything to do with anything. well at least we'll have money now to do the improvements to the house that we wanted. oh I can't wait. ALthough to have the house I want, I probably should keep it CLEAN! (my office here is a STY!!)
Oh Im so thrilled. I can't wait to see the look on the jerks face when my lawyer calls him an idiot
Diet wise I haven't been doing very well.. exercise wise I have though. This morning was strange as I was having heart palpitations while lying in bed (before I started my morning) I wasn't overly stressed about my meeting, so I don't think that is it, although it could have been.
So I have a job at a beautiful furniture store. Its stunning! I hope I have an amazing discount. Its almost too bad I already bought new bedroom furniture cause the stuff in there is just what I wanted, but what i have is close enough, and I enjoy it. I can't just get rid of perfectly good furniture because I found something I like. The hubby was joking with me that I'd probably bring home way too much, and I laughed that I would only bring home pieces I need. He said when does need have anything to do with anything. well at least we'll have money now to do the improvements to the house that we wanted. oh I can't wait. ALthough to have the house I want, I probably should keep it CLEAN! (my office here is a STY!!)
Oh Im so thrilled. I can't wait to see the look on the jerks face when my lawyer calls him an idiot
3.01.2005
no glasses, can't see
I got up for a quick moment to do something on line, and so I didn't grab my glasses. Now my kitten is asleep on my chest, and Im stuck here for a few minutes, so I thought Id post.
Ive been doing better on my eating. Portion control really is key. I stepped on the scale a few days ago and was quite surprised when I was down five pounds. I had to get back on to be sure. These past few days Ive not been eating well, so Im a little scared to get back on it. Also Ive been a little constipated ever since my last massage on friday. She noticed some tension in my bowls, so she worked on it, which was nice, but since then Ive had very little output.(and lots of gass) aren't you glad you asked? - am I typing in all caps?? - gets closer.. nope, just looks that way when you can't see what is going on very clearly.
Anyway.. I made chocolate cupcakes with ganash for hubby's birthday. they are yummy. I made one tray of regular ones for him, and a tray of minis so I could feel good about eating them, although that probably wasn't the best idea since I've had like six of them.
I think im ready to go back to sleep, but ive still got a kitten on my chest. Which I love. Oh what to do, what to do..
Ive been doing better on my eating. Portion control really is key. I stepped on the scale a few days ago and was quite surprised when I was down five pounds. I had to get back on to be sure. These past few days Ive not been eating well, so Im a little scared to get back on it. Also Ive been a little constipated ever since my last massage on friday. She noticed some tension in my bowls, so she worked on it, which was nice, but since then Ive had very little output.(and lots of gass) aren't you glad you asked? - am I typing in all caps?? - gets closer.. nope, just looks that way when you can't see what is going on very clearly.
Anyway.. I made chocolate cupcakes with ganash for hubby's birthday. they are yummy. I made one tray of regular ones for him, and a tray of minis so I could feel good about eating them, although that probably wasn't the best idea since I've had like six of them.
I think im ready to go back to sleep, but ive still got a kitten on my chest. Which I love. Oh what to do, what to do..
2.12.2005
night time cravings
I had a dream last night that I was dying of thirst and all there was to drink was a diet pepsi, so I drank it. Then as the night went on I was still thirsty, and I figured what the heck I already drank one, so I drank two more. Im amazed the pull diet soda still has on me even though I haven't had any since before christmas. Every day I look at my hubby's full calorie soda and crave it. Fortunately I have enough sence not to drink full calorie soda, but still. I wish I could just be done with this craving. Soda does me no good. I have super low and no calorie drinks that I use instead of drinking plain water which gets tedious after a while.
Ive done really good on my diet this week. x-3 lbs last I looked. I haven't exercised for a few days, but that is easy enough to catch up on.
Im going to go out and look for furniture today. I don't quite know why since I have no income and thus no extra money for furniture, but hey, one can look. I do want a small table for the end of my hall, or maybe a bench. Something cute to look at when walking down the hall. I need to put my house back in order too, but that is so low on my list of priorities.. although at this point playing bejeweled 2 is too high on my list. I just broke level 10.. I was so tickled. I really hope I get sick of playing that game soon :D
Ive done really good on my diet this week. x-3 lbs last I looked. I haven't exercised for a few days, but that is easy enough to catch up on.
Im going to go out and look for furniture today. I don't quite know why since I have no income and thus no extra money for furniture, but hey, one can look. I do want a small table for the end of my hall, or maybe a bench. Something cute to look at when walking down the hall. I need to put my house back in order too, but that is so low on my list of priorities.. although at this point playing bejeweled 2 is too high on my list. I just broke level 10.. I was so tickled. I really hope I get sick of playing that game soon :D
2.07.2005
Start over
Well I had been feeling like I had been doing ok. My skinny jeans were feeling exceptionally tight any more. Then the superbowl happened. So Im back to square one according to my scale. Im definately going to have to take better control of this. Just saying I want to loose weight isn't going to do it.
Id LOVE to go raw. Even if I didn't do 100% raw, I love the thought, and the foods Ive seen, but I did a little research, and it seems like a boat load of work. I mean way too much work to eat raw food. Now that Im unemployeed, you would think this would be a perfect time to start, but there is quite an investment to get into it as well. There probably is a cheaper way, but Im just not that into it yet. Probably a few more weeks of not loosing any more weight might just do it.
So Im back to counting calories. Im going with somewhere between 12 and 1500 per day. According to the "experts" it takes almost 4000 to maintain my current weight, so this should be good. Im currently at 300 calories for the day, but I need to go have lunch :) I made a 500 calorie breakfast, but I didn't eat it all. I will finish it at somepoint for a "desert" so Im going to just count the whole 5. Now. What to have for lunch...
Id LOVE to go raw. Even if I didn't do 100% raw, I love the thought, and the foods Ive seen, but I did a little research, and it seems like a boat load of work. I mean way too much work to eat raw food. Now that Im unemployeed, you would think this would be a perfect time to start, but there is quite an investment to get into it as well. There probably is a cheaper way, but Im just not that into it yet. Probably a few more weeks of not loosing any more weight might just do it.
So Im back to counting calories. Im going with somewhere between 12 and 1500 per day. According to the "experts" it takes almost 4000 to maintain my current weight, so this should be good. Im currently at 300 calories for the day, but I need to go have lunch :) I made a 500 calorie breakfast, but I didn't eat it all. I will finish it at somepoint for a "desert" so Im going to just count the whole 5. Now. What to have for lunch...
2.05.2005
no unemployment for me
Well I heard from the state, they decided that since my boss lied to them, that I don't deserve unemployment. I am so going to contest. Its just not right!!
On a side note, sometimes it totally pays to think outside the box. Hubby just locked his keys in his truck running. He tried to get the door open with a coat hanger, but couldn't do it. We could get the door open enough that he could climb up on top of it and reach in and open it. I thought of that. :)
I cleaned up the fridge today. Its amazing what hides in the back of fridges. *shudder* I moved my good for me snacks to the door so I can grab them easily. Hopefully that will help. Exercise is going well. I am thinking of buying an exercise video and doing that in addition to my regular routine. Can't hurt to put more work in. I got on line and figured out how many calories it takes to keep my weight up. Its scarey. I can't believe I standardly eat that much, which I must because I am staying at that standard weight. I so need to keep track of my intake.
On a side note, sometimes it totally pays to think outside the box. Hubby just locked his keys in his truck running. He tried to get the door open with a coat hanger, but couldn't do it. We could get the door open enough that he could climb up on top of it and reach in and open it. I thought of that. :)
I cleaned up the fridge today. Its amazing what hides in the back of fridges. *shudder* I moved my good for me snacks to the door so I can grab them easily. Hopefully that will help. Exercise is going well. I am thinking of buying an exercise video and doing that in addition to my regular routine. Can't hurt to put more work in. I got on line and figured out how many calories it takes to keep my weight up. Its scarey. I can't believe I standardly eat that much, which I must because I am staying at that standard weight. I so need to keep track of my intake.
2.03.2005
arrgh
What defect does a person have to have to become a habitual lier?!?! My goodness. I knew my ex boss was an idiot when it came to dealing with people, but to outright lie to the state is unfreakin believeable. I just want to scream! Ya know, if what I did was so freaking horrible that I shouldn't get unemployment I would accept that, but I will not accept this jerk lying to keep me from getting it. I have to wonder what lies he is telling potential employeers when they call up for a referance. I should call some places after I know Im not being hired and ask.
sigh
jerk
sigh
jerk
arrgh
What defect does a person have to have to become a habitual lier?!?! My goodness. I knew my ex boss was an idiot when it came to dealing with people, but to outright lie to the state is unfreakin believeable. I just want to scream! Ya know, if what I did was so freaking horrible that I shouldn't get unemployment I would accept that, but I will not accept this jerk lying to keep me from getting it. I have to wonder what lies he is telling potential employeers when they call up for a referance. I should call some places after I know Im not being hired and ask.
sigh
jerk
sigh
jerk
2.01.2005
I have GOT to stop answering the phone.
Well.. I now have my THIRD interview. This is really quite freaky. I thought there were a glut of employees out there looking for work, but apparently not. I am torn between feeling incredibly grateful and completley overwhelmed. I have a feeling I have already interviewed at this third place, but I can't remember for certain. The second place seemed like a fun work enviroment, but Im not sure I would like it. I liked the benifits of the first interview, but I wasn't too thrilled with the actual job. Who knows. Im sure the perfect position will come to me when it is avalible. Hopefully I wont have to turn down anything along the way.
Still don't know if Im getting unemployment or not. Hopefully tomorrow I'll hear. Like with my job, I don't really care if I get it or not (ok, yes, getting it would be WAY better than not getting it.. but it wont make or break me) its the not knowing that is bugging me. I don't want to keep looking for meaningless jobs if I don't have to.
Im a little behind on my exercise. I painted the bedroom on Sunday, and I am so freaking sore all over. Yesterday was tough. Today is so so, but Im avoiding doing pretty much anything but playing computer games. Ok. Im going to go make curtains and clean.
No.. really. I am.
really...
Still don't know if Im getting unemployment or not. Hopefully tomorrow I'll hear. Like with my job, I don't really care if I get it or not (ok, yes, getting it would be WAY better than not getting it.. but it wont make or break me) its the not knowing that is bugging me. I don't want to keep looking for meaningless jobs if I don't have to.
Im a little behind on my exercise. I painted the bedroom on Sunday, and I am so freaking sore all over. Yesterday was tough. Today is so so, but Im avoiding doing pretty much anything but playing computer games. Ok. Im going to go make curtains and clean.
No.. really. I am.
really...
1.30.2005
diet sucks but other things are going ok
At least Im being productive. I went on the job interview on friday, which I felt I blew even though I wasn't trying to. I put up the mural in my bathroom, listed a ton of stuff on Ebay, and tonight I finished painting my bedroom. The room is too big to feel cozy, but too small to put in a separate seating area to help it feel cozy, so I put a glaze on it. I sponged it on, then rolled a plastic bag over it. I got a creme brule color, and it looks a lot like leather on the walls. Ok not really, but it is a very nice texture. There are some major gaffs in the room, but Im not going to worry about that. I'll get some easy crown molding and do some touch ups with a small brush at some point, and it will all be good. Tomorrow Im going to work on some curtains for the room and my craft room. I need to get that set up too. All my crafty stuff is still downstairs in boxes. It gets frustrating. I need to purchase some curtain rods for my craft room, but I'll worry about that after the curtains are made.
Exercise is going well. I didn't on friday cause the hubby took the day off and we spent it together, but I did it today - right before I started painting actually. I had to close the room off because of the cats, and it quickly got very hot in that room. I soon came to feel like I had rolled around in toxic sludge. I just got out of the shower, and I feel almost human again. I am hungry though. But I'll just have a large glass of zero calorie drink, and toddle of to bed.
Exercise is going well. I didn't on friday cause the hubby took the day off and we spent it together, but I did it today - right before I started painting actually. I had to close the room off because of the cats, and it quickly got very hot in that room. I soon came to feel like I had rolled around in toxic sludge. I just got out of the shower, and I feel almost human again. I am hungry though. But I'll just have a large glass of zero calorie drink, and toddle of to bed.
1.26.2005
oh the horror
I got a phone call today. One of the companies I sent my resume to wants to interview me on friday. I don't want to interview. I only sent out resumes so I can collect unemployement so I can annoy the crap out of my ex-boss. grrrr. Although Im sure they wont really want to hire me, so I should be ok. Maybe I should show up in ripped jeans and unwashed hair.. lol. I can't complain too much, I only sent resumes to jobs that I would remotely be interested in.
My diet is so so. Yesterday I did with out any refined sugar. Today Ive been eating small meals every 3 hours or so. The only sugar Ive had has been part of some dried pineapple (which makes a yummy addition to a light piece of bread and some peanut butter) Yet somehow Im still gaining weight. I was back up to my x weight the other day, but that I could attribute to eating pizza and some YUMMY french toast with maple syrup and caramel sauce. Although my x+1 lb weight was in the middle of the day.
Ive been doing really well on exercising. Today was tough because I was hurting from spending 5 hours rubbing Tatouage on my bathroom wall. Was.. what am I talking about, I AM hurting.
We'll see what the scale says tomorrow.
My diet is so so. Yesterday I did with out any refined sugar. Today Ive been eating small meals every 3 hours or so. The only sugar Ive had has been part of some dried pineapple (which makes a yummy addition to a light piece of bread and some peanut butter) Yet somehow Im still gaining weight. I was back up to my x weight the other day, but that I could attribute to eating pizza and some YUMMY french toast with maple syrup and caramel sauce. Although my x+1 lb weight was in the middle of the day.
Ive been doing really well on exercising. Today was tough because I was hurting from spending 5 hours rubbing Tatouage on my bathroom wall. Was.. what am I talking about, I AM hurting.
We'll see what the scale says tomorrow.
1.24.2005
the demon inside
Well there have been good days and bad days. Today was a bad day. oh the junk I ate. my emotions are all over the place. I know that Im probably back at my x weight, if not above it. I so need to buckle down and get on a good eating plan. The whole eat what ever you want but in moderation thing just isn't working. I have a hard time with most cookie cutter diets because the few things I don't eat (organs, fungus, and anything out of the water) always seem to be included in their diets. But I found one when cleaning last night that doesn't seem too hard to follow, I just need to get out and get a few things.
Getting out today was impossible. We had a foot of snow dumped on us. Then wind was howling too, so out one side of the porch it was three feet high, the other was down to the ground, but it was all stacked on top of the table we have, so it reached the roof line. Was really quite dramatic. Things have been cleared pretty well by last night, so I'll go out in the morning. I have some other shopping to do as well.
So anyway, I hear by announce that I am letting go of my resentment and anger over what happened with my job. While I can't do anything about how other people will talk about me behind my back, I do not have to let them bring me down. I am putting it down on this point in my time line. Hopefully none of it will stick to my shoe and come with me.... Happiness and Joy - Brightness and Light. *breath in - breath out*
When I was about 9, I memorized a poem that I liked. I found it in the readers digest, and it was uncredited. I just did a google search and found it was written by John Dryden (1631-1700)
Happy the man, and happy he alone,
He who can call to-day his own;
He who, secure within, can say,
To-morrow, do thy worst, for I have liv'd to-day.
Getting out today was impossible. We had a foot of snow dumped on us. Then wind was howling too, so out one side of the porch it was three feet high, the other was down to the ground, but it was all stacked on top of the table we have, so it reached the roof line. Was really quite dramatic. Things have been cleared pretty well by last night, so I'll go out in the morning. I have some other shopping to do as well.
So anyway, I hear by announce that I am letting go of my resentment and anger over what happened with my job. While I can't do anything about how other people will talk about me behind my back, I do not have to let them bring me down. I am putting it down on this point in my time line. Hopefully none of it will stick to my shoe and come with me.... Happiness and Joy - Brightness and Light. *breath in - breath out*
When I was about 9, I memorized a poem that I liked. I found it in the readers digest, and it was uncredited. I just did a google search and found it was written by John Dryden (1631-1700)
Happy the man, and happy he alone,
He who can call to-day his own;
He who, secure within, can say,
To-morrow, do thy worst, for I have liv'd to-day.
1.20.2005
freakin dream world
I had a dream last night that I went back to work for the grocery store I left 10+ years ago. I started up as a cashier. I sort of knew what I was doing, but they had changed a lot of the technology, so I was a little flustered, but I got over that. I had a hard time finding the code to ring in an artichoke, which I kept calling an asparagus. I had moronic shoppers who kept trying to pull fast ones on me, and machines that kept breaking. I was getting more and more frustrated. It wasn't pleasant.
So Im in a bad mood. Im x-2lbs this morning, but bfd. I want to eat. I finished off a container of orange meringue cookies, which fortunately are pretty low in calories. Its about to be lunch time, so I'll eat the other half of my dinner last night. I went to Olive Garden with a friend, and got the herb chicken con broccoli. it was very good. Although the drive home was pretty nasty. It was snowing so hard, that I could only see about a car length in front of me, and on the highway I had no idea where the lanes were. Fortunately it is a three lane highway, and there wasn't much traffic, so I felt pretty safe... although I was going about 20 miles an hour.
Sigh. My todo list is sitting here in front of me. I have a number of things crossed off it, but the big things remain and taunt me. Well I should probably go do something. Maybe I'll take off my acrylic nails so I can have them redone on saturday with another friend. I also need to clean the kitchen, and get my butt out to the mail box, but that will require putting real clothes on.
So Im in a bad mood. Im x-2lbs this morning, but bfd. I want to eat. I finished off a container of orange meringue cookies, which fortunately are pretty low in calories. Its about to be lunch time, so I'll eat the other half of my dinner last night. I went to Olive Garden with a friend, and got the herb chicken con broccoli. it was very good. Although the drive home was pretty nasty. It was snowing so hard, that I could only see about a car length in front of me, and on the highway I had no idea where the lanes were. Fortunately it is a three lane highway, and there wasn't much traffic, so I felt pretty safe... although I was going about 20 miles an hour.
Sigh. My todo list is sitting here in front of me. I have a number of things crossed off it, but the big things remain and taunt me. Well I should probably go do something. Maybe I'll take off my acrylic nails so I can have them redone on saturday with another friend. I also need to clean the kitchen, and get my butt out to the mail box, but that will require putting real clothes on.
1.18.2005
week one
Well, one week has gone by, and I think I am finally back to "normal". Im still pissed about the lies, but I think I have come to accept that it is time to move on. I mean I knew that before, but emotionally I couldn't. I have asked myself that if I convinced him of the truth, and he invited me to come back to work if I would... and Im pretty torn about that one. My first instinct would be no, but heck, if we are dabling in miricles I would have to take in to consideration that he has obviously changed, so maybe I would. but I wouldn't in the current circumstances.
So, now that I have all the time in the world, I have spent the past two days catching up on my exercising. I am 40 minutes away from being caught up. It is a good feeling. As soon as Im done this entry, Im going to go finish, take a shower and head down to the shelter for a little bit.
Food wise I did horrible last night. I couldn't keep myself out of the kitchen. Didn't help I was watching a movie I couldn't stand (cause the "hero" kept making bad decisions and it was hard to watch him do that) and that the kitchen is part of the living room. (I have one great room that is the living room, dining room/kitchen.) Today I have done pretty good... although the day isn't over yet.. but hey I can hope :)
So, now that I have all the time in the world, I have spent the past two days catching up on my exercising. I am 40 minutes away from being caught up. It is a good feeling. As soon as Im done this entry, Im going to go finish, take a shower and head down to the shelter for a little bit.
Food wise I did horrible last night. I couldn't keep myself out of the kitchen. Didn't help I was watching a movie I couldn't stand (cause the "hero" kept making bad decisions and it was hard to watch him do that) and that the kitchen is part of the living room. (I have one great room that is the living room, dining room/kitchen.) Today I have done pretty good... although the day isn't over yet.. but hey I can hope :)
1.17.2005
Idle with despair
*sigh* I so can't sleep. It isn't fair. I exhaust myself during the day, to the point of where I am falling asleep doing what I am doing, then I get up and crawl into bed, and poof, Im wide awake again. An idle mind is a terrible thing. I keep going over all the lies said about me at work, and wish there was a way to prove myself. its horrible because I KNOW that even if I could, it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to the jerk that fired me. If the truth mattered, he would have tried to find it. I try desperately to think of other things, but my brain always finds a way to bring it back around. I think my fight or flight instinct is ticked. Mentally I realized there was no point in fighting for my job, so I gave up, but my instinct is so sure it could have won. Too bad it doesn't realize there was no way.
tonight I tried to go to bed at 11pm. I tossed and turned till about 1am, when I got up and did something else for a bit, then went back to bed and did fall asleep, but then at 4 I woke up with the song "Hands" from Jewel in my head. Im not really sure why, except the quote "Idle with despair" really captures where I am mentally right now.
Lets see, food wise I haven't been the best. Nothing too majorly terrible at this point that I can remember. I did go out to applebys, but my dinner and desert choices were off the weight watchers menu. (MAN that lemon cheesecake thing is good. Its so nice that it is actually lemon flavored) and the exercise thing took a break for the weekend, but Im not worried, I'll be good over the next couple of days.
tonight I tried to go to bed at 11pm. I tossed and turned till about 1am, when I got up and did something else for a bit, then went back to bed and did fall asleep, but then at 4 I woke up with the song "Hands" from Jewel in my head. Im not really sure why, except the quote "Idle with despair" really captures where I am mentally right now.
Lets see, food wise I haven't been the best. Nothing too majorly terrible at this point that I can remember. I did go out to applebys, but my dinner and desert choices were off the weight watchers menu. (MAN that lemon cheesecake thing is good. Its so nice that it is actually lemon flavored) and the exercise thing took a break for the weekend, but Im not worried, I'll be good over the next couple of days.
1.15.2005
trauma
I am still lost. I should be happy about being unemployed, but Im really not. I keep feeling worthless cause I can't get anything done, and all I really want to do is eat. I must be getting better though if I am considering food. I suppose I really just need to come to accept that this is an actual loss for me, as I do miss the work, a good deal of the clients, and a great deal of the staff.
I did a really good job exercising yesterday. not so much today. Was also a little less than discriminating in my food choices today too. Went to the local bakery for breakfast. Fortunately for my diet that we went a little late and all of the breakfast items really were gone. Bought a piece of banana bread. Before you think that is a good choice, don't. It really was a desert type bread. Uber yummy. I have been snacking pretty extensively too. Although low cal popcorn, and hummus aren't too bad of a choice, although I had butter crackers with the hummus..
Too bad Im so much of an instant gratification type person. Loosing weight would make me so much happier than the hummus or the ice cream, but it is such a long journey. Its like walking five miles vs stepping through the door right next to you to end up at the same emotional place. Now granted, the five mile away place has much more benefits in the long run, but that is the long run. and right now Im having a hard enough time remembering I am of value now that I have been fired. (deep down I know I am, but I can't do much of anything but play computer games, so for right now, Im not)
Im rambling. Forgive me.
I did a really good job exercising yesterday. not so much today. Was also a little less than discriminating in my food choices today too. Went to the local bakery for breakfast. Fortunately for my diet that we went a little late and all of the breakfast items really were gone. Bought a piece of banana bread. Before you think that is a good choice, don't. It really was a desert type bread. Uber yummy. I have been snacking pretty extensively too. Although low cal popcorn, and hummus aren't too bad of a choice, although I had butter crackers with the hummus..
Too bad Im so much of an instant gratification type person. Loosing weight would make me so much happier than the hummus or the ice cream, but it is such a long journey. Its like walking five miles vs stepping through the door right next to you to end up at the same emotional place. Now granted, the five mile away place has much more benefits in the long run, but that is the long run. and right now Im having a hard enough time remembering I am of value now that I have been fired. (deep down I know I am, but I can't do much of anything but play computer games, so for right now, Im not)
Im rambling. Forgive me.
1.14.2005
day three
Well, Im becoming more adjusted to being unemployeed. I did some good cleaning of the house, made myself a healthy lunch, and got quite a bit of exercising out of the way. Im now only five days behind :D. (I exercise to a soap opera cause it is a built in 40 minute work out with a different show five days a week and I can always tell when I fall behind)
I got a call from the shelter I volunteer at. My relationship with them is not jepordised because of what happened at work. It was commented wondering what exactly happened. Im not 100% sure, but the basics of it is that a woman adopted a kitten from the shelter and I commented to the woman who fostered the kitten that the new owner was planning on declawing. This set off a major chain of events, including many many lies about me and what I actually did. It was said that I had made plans with the foster mom to make sure the kitten wasn't declawed, and that I declared I was going to make sure it wasn't declawed. Yes, Im against declawing, but I know that is the owners decison. If anyone askes me my opinion, Im going to tell them. Period. Im a straight forward, non lying, non back stabbing person, which makes this all the more difficult for me to deal with. Had way too much of that in highschool. I find it petty and a complete waste of time... although apparently it wasn't cause the woman who did it to get me in trouble did just that didn't she? However I am a firm believer that you get what is coming to you. Yes, I am out of a job, but I am still the same person I was before, and I like who I am. I have to wonder if the bitter soul can say the same.
I just need to find my zen moment. My inner peace. A way to put this all behind me and enjoy what is to come. and hopefully I can do that with out stuffing myself full of chocolate and cheese :D
I didn't get on the scale this morning, but yesterday, even after having left over pizza for breakfast I was at x-4lbs.... so maybe this loosing my job is the best thing that could have happened to me.. although I will really miss the at cost care for my kitties.
I got a call from the shelter I volunteer at. My relationship with them is not jepordised because of what happened at work. It was commented wondering what exactly happened. Im not 100% sure, but the basics of it is that a woman adopted a kitten from the shelter and I commented to the woman who fostered the kitten that the new owner was planning on declawing. This set off a major chain of events, including many many lies about me and what I actually did. It was said that I had made plans with the foster mom to make sure the kitten wasn't declawed, and that I declared I was going to make sure it wasn't declawed. Yes, Im against declawing, but I know that is the owners decison. If anyone askes me my opinion, Im going to tell them. Period. Im a straight forward, non lying, non back stabbing person, which makes this all the more difficult for me to deal with. Had way too much of that in highschool. I find it petty and a complete waste of time... although apparently it wasn't cause the woman who did it to get me in trouble did just that didn't she? However I am a firm believer that you get what is coming to you. Yes, I am out of a job, but I am still the same person I was before, and I like who I am. I have to wonder if the bitter soul can say the same.
I just need to find my zen moment. My inner peace. A way to put this all behind me and enjoy what is to come. and hopefully I can do that with out stuffing myself full of chocolate and cheese :D
I didn't get on the scale this morning, but yesterday, even after having left over pizza for breakfast I was at x-4lbs.... so maybe this loosing my job is the best thing that could have happened to me.. although I will really miss the at cost care for my kitties.
1.13.2005
ok. Im lost
You know.. I thought I would enjoy being unemployeed, but right now Im so lost. Hopefully in a day or two I'll be back to normal, but I find myself wandering around the house going from project to project not finishing anything. I really need to make myself a to-do list, which will help. I think Im just going to let myself adjust today and tomorrow. My sleep patters are off because of the stress of it all.
I am doing really well though. Ok, I probably shouldn't call pizza for breakfast well, but Im not in the kitchen every 10 minutes looking for something to eat, so I think that is a good thing.
I do need to get out of the house at some point. I need to get my nails done again, and look for a new computer. Yes.. im going to look into buying a new computer right after loosing my job, but I have a credit at circut city through work, so Im going to see what is there. I don't think I can loose it, but I want to spend it asap incase I can. Its good at a number of other places as well, so if there isn't a computer I want, Im not going to fret. Worse comes to worse I can just get a gift certificate and sell it on ebay. Its amazing how much you can recoup from ebay for gift certificates to popular places. Some even go for full face value.
I am doing really well though. Ok, I probably shouldn't call pizza for breakfast well, but Im not in the kitchen every 10 minutes looking for something to eat, so I think that is a good thing.
I do need to get out of the house at some point. I need to get my nails done again, and look for a new computer. Yes.. im going to look into buying a new computer right after loosing my job, but I have a credit at circut city through work, so Im going to see what is there. I don't think I can loose it, but I want to spend it asap incase I can. Its good at a number of other places as well, so if there isn't a computer I want, Im not going to fret. Worse comes to worse I can just get a gift certificate and sell it on ebay. Its amazing how much you can recoup from ebay for gift certificates to popular places. Some even go for full face value.
1.12.2005
the shoe has dropped
I had been waiting for it. I really wanted it to either drop or go away.. and deep down I knew it wasn't going away.. so, I lived through it dropping. Yup. I was fired at work. And not really for what I did, but for lies told about me. For truth that refused to be seen. For the purposes of making the boss feel big and proud. *sigh* Truth be known, I am glad im out of there. Im sad for a number of reasons. Lack of at cost health care for the kitties now among the most of it... and as I sit here and type this at some unearthly hour of the night cause I can't sleep, my kitten is once again weezing. The dr was concerned it was her heart, and suggested I do an ultra sound on her.
So I have a lot on my mind, and can't sleep. I did however eat almost a whole container of hummas (with artichoke and olives) with pretzels. I haven't really exercised in two days, but I'll do more of that tomorrow. I did however jump on the scale for the fun of it this afternoon, and I was down 3 lbs. Guess stress can make a difference.
So I have a lot on my mind, and can't sleep. I did however eat almost a whole container of hummas (with artichoke and olives) with pretzels. I haven't really exercised in two days, but I'll do more of that tomorrow. I did however jump on the scale for the fun of it this afternoon, and I was down 3 lbs. Guess stress can make a difference.
1.11.2005
emotions
You know.. I never thought there would be an emotion I could have that would prevent me from wanting to eat. I eat when Im happy, sad, sick, tired, full of energy, you name it. Today however, Im in shock. I set in motion a series of events that spun obnoxiously out of control, and now my job is being threatened, I know my friend's job is probably gone, and Im finding out people are lying about me to get me in to trouble. People.. probably not, person is more like it. There is a woman at work who never pitches in, and Ive called her on it a few times. She doesn't like it. I can only speculate it was her, as everyone else that I work with likes me. What I did, in retrospect, was wrong, but at the time it didn't seem to be. If I had had an inkling of what it was going to set off, i wouldn't have done it. Even if a 1% of what happened.. But alas, hindsite is 20/20 and I have to live through things. But Im in shock over the whole thing, and while there is a burning pit of hunger in my tummy, I just can't fathom eating.
1.10.2005
week one
Ok. Week one is over, and Im still at my x weight. I can't complain though, since I totally ditched exercising this week and ate half a pan of brownies. Im going to catch up on it this week though, we'll see what happens.
I must learn not to listen to that evil voice inside my head that says to eat the brownies and not to exercise.
I must learn not to listen to that evil voice inside my head that says to eat the brownies and not to exercise.
1.07.2005
did I mention I shouldn't let the scale discourage me?
I got on this morning, and I was back up to my x weight. I was at x-2. Oh well. At least I know where I stand.
Im still cheezed off about work. That bad part of my brain says to hell with your diet, eat for comfort and you'll feel better. I might, but then I'll still weigh way too much. Then that part of my brain says, yes, but you aren't going to loose all that much weight if you just get off your diet for a day... but sadly it is never for a day. Im still winning at this point, but not by much. Im just glad there aren't any brownies in the house.
Im still cheezed off about work. That bad part of my brain says to hell with your diet, eat for comfort and you'll feel better. I might, but then I'll still weigh way too much. Then that part of my brain says, yes, but you aren't going to loose all that much weight if you just get off your diet for a day... but sadly it is never for a day. Im still winning at this point, but not by much. Im just glad there aren't any brownies in the house.
1.06.2005
emotional day
Oh my goodness I work for the most asinine person in the freakin world. This man can't EVER be wrong. If he could just listen to his staff instead of making accusations then walking way while the shit hits the fan it would be a much better place.. but NOOOOOO.. freakin jerk!
I cleaned out my locker and paid off my "debit" (I took some food home) and Im seriously considering calling out of work tomorrow. Im not ready to quit, but I am ready to make him think Im about to do it.
Someone called the other day saying their dog was snapping in the air, seeming to chasing shadows or nothing at all, and was wondering what it was. I asked about other things, eating ok, acting ok otherwise.. nothing else out of the norm. She said no. I said it could be behavioural, but by all means she could bring him in and check him out since it could be any number of other things. I offered to make her an appointment, but she declined. She later called back and made one for today. She talked to the doctor and told him someone told her it was just behavioural. (yup. its all behavioural.. no reason to worry at all, that's why you came in right?) So I got my head chewed off. He accused me of diagnoising over the phone yet again, and told me that would be the "last time". One woman called in the past about a constipated cat. The cure for constipation is pumpkin. I suggested she come in and see the doctor. She declined. Although she did call back and make an appointment anyway. The cat was blocked (UTI) and he yelled at me for telling her that her cat was constipated.
He doesn't care that the clients are lying to him. f(bleeep) a(bleep)
I asked two seasoned coworkers what they would have told the crazy dog woman on the phone. They said basically what I did. Was suggested that I document everything I say to clients in their charts, which is what Im going to have to do. WHich is freakinly annoying since he doesn't document ANYTHING!
Im angry, Im hurt, I want to eat. I ate some tortilla chips and queso dip, then broke into some cookies... but I had a light dinner.. so maybe it will balance out..
and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt (or should I use the analogy that maybe my boss will appologise to me.. have about the same chance of it happening)
I cleaned out my locker and paid off my "debit" (I took some food home) and Im seriously considering calling out of work tomorrow. Im not ready to quit, but I am ready to make him think Im about to do it.
Someone called the other day saying their dog was snapping in the air, seeming to chasing shadows or nothing at all, and was wondering what it was. I asked about other things, eating ok, acting ok otherwise.. nothing else out of the norm. She said no. I said it could be behavioural, but by all means she could bring him in and check him out since it could be any number of other things. I offered to make her an appointment, but she declined. She later called back and made one for today. She talked to the doctor and told him someone told her it was just behavioural. (yup. its all behavioural.. no reason to worry at all, that's why you came in right?) So I got my head chewed off. He accused me of diagnoising over the phone yet again, and told me that would be the "last time". One woman called in the past about a constipated cat. The cure for constipation is pumpkin. I suggested she come in and see the doctor. She declined. Although she did call back and make an appointment anyway. The cat was blocked (UTI) and he yelled at me for telling her that her cat was constipated.
He doesn't care that the clients are lying to him. f(bleeep) a(bleep)
I asked two seasoned coworkers what they would have told the crazy dog woman on the phone. They said basically what I did. Was suggested that I document everything I say to clients in their charts, which is what Im going to have to do. WHich is freakinly annoying since he doesn't document ANYTHING!
Im angry, Im hurt, I want to eat. I ate some tortilla chips and queso dip, then broke into some cookies... but I had a light dinner.. so maybe it will balance out..
and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt (or should I use the analogy that maybe my boss will appologise to me.. have about the same chance of it happening)
1.04.2005
I will not let the scale discourage me!!
really. I wont. really...
I ate so little last night.. my stomach was still upset, and yet Im still above my X weight. I should just adjust my X weight to the post vomit weight.. then Id be down half a pound..
hum.. Doesn't sound like a bad idea.
I ate so little last night.. my stomach was still upset, and yet Im still above my X weight. I should just adjust my X weight to the post vomit weight.. then Id be down half a pound..
hum.. Doesn't sound like a bad idea.
1.03.2005
Happy diet to me.
:) I was going to start a new blog for my diet progress.. but then I thought I never use this one any more, so I might as well. So day one has been a complete and utter disaster. I got up and weighed in this morning. We'll just call starting weight X. (yup.. Im that vain) anyway.. I got up, weighed in, and went and got my morning breakfast shake. I started drinking these back in November and really loved them because they had lots of protein and spirasomething or other which has lots of nutrients and is very good for you. Well in December I bought some Eggnog flavored shake mix, and it was ok, but after a few of them, it totally started to turn my stomach. I thought something was wrong with it, so I returned it. I hadn't had any till now cause of the holidays and because it had made me sick. So I had a nice banana one this morning, well after about 3 sips, my stomach started doing flips. I was working out at the time, so I stopped and rested. Now as a side note, I do not vomit. I refuse. I vomited once when I was six, once after I got married 14 years ago, and that was about it. Well it really REALLY wanted to come back up, so I got my towel, knelt in front of the toilet, and that is all the encouragement my tummy needed. It wasn't fun. When I was done, I went and had a few crackers to try to settle my stomach. Well it didn't help. I knelt in front of the toilet again, and still only the shake came up.. very little of the crackers - how bizarre is that?? Well after that, I thought hey.. I wonder what I weigh now.. so for fun I jumped back on the scale, and I was at X + 2 lbs!!! someone please explain to me how that happened! *sigh*
So hopefully this is as gross as this blog gets. I'll be getting on at least once a week to keep track. I might get on daily to talk about the what nots of being on a diet... who knows. Although I can tell you right now, I really wouldn't mind vomiting again..
So hopefully this is as gross as this blog gets. I'll be getting on at least once a week to keep track. I might get on daily to talk about the what nots of being on a diet... who knows. Although I can tell you right now, I really wouldn't mind vomiting again..
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