Ok, so Ive resolved to have a positive attitude, to clean and take care of myself. Well almost immediately after that my kitty got very sick. I spent all day yesterday in bed with her. and boy do I need a shower now. I also very much need a slip of paper I had here on my desk since november, but now since I've picked up, I can't find it anywhere!! arrgh. I was also cleaning out under a few big items in the other room and apparently smashed my finger cause it hurts.. I have acrylics, so I can't really see what is going on, so yea, im a little paranoid the whole nail is about to fall off.
positive attitude, positive attitude, I can do it.. yes I can!
1.30.2006
1.28.2006
bitching and moaning
Ive been bitching and moaning, complaining about this that really are under my control. I really just need to step up to the plate and take care of some things. I NEED to throw away or recycle or generally give away a ton of stuff. I don't need it. I don't use it. Its time to get rid of it so that I have a place to put the things I do need and want and use. It is SOOO hard for me to throw out things that are perfectly good. Im not really sure why. I would tend to think it is from my upbringing, but then again my mother threw everything out. Her mother was a pack rat and kept absolutely everything - according to her. She says she was punished for cleaning the house - according to her. When I was in the 8th grade, we went over there and visited. The house wasn't that bad. My mother justifies saying that they cleaned before we came over... but we were there for weeks. If she was truely that bad, I think I would have noticed - even being in the 8th grade.
So. Why can't I let anything go? No idea. I do let junk go. really. well most of the time. My house is in decent yet cluttered state. From time to time going through piles I'll find things that makes even me wonder why I kept them. I recently went through a desk, and found coupons from 1997. *hangs head* yes. I know. I so need to do the everything has its place kind of organizing, and seriously cull a ton of stuff. Recently I went through some boxes down stairs, and found a pile of stuff I can send to the good will. (although I do need to take the used pillows out of that pile, they will not want them)
Apparently I just need to keep watching "Clean Sweep" on TLC until I get this right.
And while I can't just get over my fears and depressions, I do need to realize that they aren't real. Im out of high school... people are no longer going to make fun of me. Why on earth is that so hard to let go of?? Maybe because more than once I had kids who I thought were my friends stab me in the back. Trusting has come hard. That is my issue. I need to stop coloring everything I see and everyone I meet with that color.
shoo shoo .. out the window you go.. :)
So. What's next. Getting the energy and nerve to toss and organize. Nerve cause a lot of stuff is covered in dust, and that affects me physcially. Clean the house, cleanse the soul, and get the body in order....
um.. and then what?
Well I guess I'll worry about that when I have a clean house, a happy disposition, and weigh a whole heck of a lot less than I do now :D
(wonders how long this will last?)
So. Why can't I let anything go? No idea. I do let junk go. really. well most of the time. My house is in decent yet cluttered state. From time to time going through piles I'll find things that makes even me wonder why I kept them. I recently went through a desk, and found coupons from 1997. *hangs head* yes. I know. I so need to do the everything has its place kind of organizing, and seriously cull a ton of stuff. Recently I went through some boxes down stairs, and found a pile of stuff I can send to the good will. (although I do need to take the used pillows out of that pile, they will not want them)
Apparently I just need to keep watching "Clean Sweep" on TLC until I get this right.
And while I can't just get over my fears and depressions, I do need to realize that they aren't real. Im out of high school... people are no longer going to make fun of me. Why on earth is that so hard to let go of?? Maybe because more than once I had kids who I thought were my friends stab me in the back. Trusting has come hard. That is my issue. I need to stop coloring everything I see and everyone I meet with that color.
shoo shoo .. out the window you go.. :)
So. What's next. Getting the energy and nerve to toss and organize. Nerve cause a lot of stuff is covered in dust, and that affects me physcially. Clean the house, cleanse the soul, and get the body in order....
um.. and then what?
Well I guess I'll worry about that when I have a clean house, a happy disposition, and weigh a whole heck of a lot less than I do now :D
(wonders how long this will last?)
1.26.2006
yea.. blogger is back
I came to post this morning, and blogger was STILL down from yesterday.. that was frustrating.
I went into my previous place of employment for my former boss' birthday. It is so bizarre how we don't chat when there are others there, but get us alone and there is no shutting us up. I think Mel (my boss) is afraid of hurting the other woman's feelings. They knew each other from a previous job, and have remained friends. I can appreciate the friendship, even if I don't understand it. The other woman is very know it all, and her way all the time. Not even her way or the highway.. just her way. *shrug* who am I to judge. I personally think Mel feels bad for her since she is in her late twentys and is still single with out a prospect. She is waiting for a guy who she had a connection with while she helped him with a gift for his fiancee.. but then the fiancee died in a car accident. its been a year and a half. She should stop waiting. But ... refer to the her way thing.
Im kinda glad Im not working there anymore.. cause I don't think I could have stood her much longer.
The store has to do inventory soon. So the store employees need to go through all the little bitty things and make sure they all have price tags on them for scanning. Well a lot of things don't, and finding which price tag goes on them is difficult. Well before I was let go - a week and a half ago - we found a bunch of items that were in groups of 12.. they should have been in groups of three, as there were four sets of three different items, but they were priced as a group of 12. Inventory is fast approaching, and those items are STILL sitting in the office. I don't know why.. we found the price for them.. but there they sit. I bet you anything is because SHE can't stand to see them put out as a set of 12 so she's holding on to them to see if she can't get them split into a set of 3. This is a good thing if there weren't a million other things to price, grr.. (refer to previous paragraph)
Anyway.
Im going out to lunch with another co-worker. She's a bit older than my mom, and has hearing aids in both ears. She is sweet as pie but I don't know what we will have in common to talk about. Well we'll see. if it is horrid, we won't do it again, if it goes well, I'll have another outside work friend.. and those are all too far and few between these days.
I went into my previous place of employment for my former boss' birthday. It is so bizarre how we don't chat when there are others there, but get us alone and there is no shutting us up. I think Mel (my boss) is afraid of hurting the other woman's feelings. They knew each other from a previous job, and have remained friends. I can appreciate the friendship, even if I don't understand it. The other woman is very know it all, and her way all the time. Not even her way or the highway.. just her way. *shrug* who am I to judge. I personally think Mel feels bad for her since she is in her late twentys and is still single with out a prospect. She is waiting for a guy who she had a connection with while she helped him with a gift for his fiancee.. but then the fiancee died in a car accident. its been a year and a half. She should stop waiting. But ... refer to the her way thing.
Im kinda glad Im not working there anymore.. cause I don't think I could have stood her much longer.
The store has to do inventory soon. So the store employees need to go through all the little bitty things and make sure they all have price tags on them for scanning. Well a lot of things don't, and finding which price tag goes on them is difficult. Well before I was let go - a week and a half ago - we found a bunch of items that were in groups of 12.. they should have been in groups of three, as there were four sets of three different items, but they were priced as a group of 12. Inventory is fast approaching, and those items are STILL sitting in the office. I don't know why.. we found the price for them.. but there they sit. I bet you anything is because SHE can't stand to see them put out as a set of 12 so she's holding on to them to see if she can't get them split into a set of 3. This is a good thing if there weren't a million other things to price, grr.. (refer to previous paragraph)
Anyway.
Im going out to lunch with another co-worker. She's a bit older than my mom, and has hearing aids in both ears. She is sweet as pie but I don't know what we will have in common to talk about. Well we'll see. if it is horrid, we won't do it again, if it goes well, I'll have another outside work friend.. and those are all too far and few between these days.
1.25.2006
feeling useless yet again
Ok, what's with me. its amazing how some days I feel I can take on the world and other days I just want to hide under a blanket and never come out. At least I have a rational enough brain to know that hiding is not the good answer and I go out into the world.
Today I went to have my nails done. I have acrylic. The moronic people at the salon I USED to go to (and went to today) said they had to take off my perfectly good nails because they were yellow. I said no, leave the yellow ones on, cause my nails are thin and it hurts like hell when you take them off. He seemed insistant that one of them come off, and I was thinking that maybe that one might possibly have to because the stain was on the darker side. I was afraid of mold. So I let him take that one, and then he said another one had to. I don't know why as that salon just put that one on the last time I went in. I told him I didn't want any thing removed because it would cause a lot of pain, and he promised there would be none, but yet it hurt like hell cause he ripped off an entire piece of my nail and caused me to bleed. THEN he decided to soak it off.. hum.. nail polish remover on an open wound. Again he said it wouldn't hurt.. but it did. I should have walked out right then and there, but I was bleeding, and my nails were in even worse shape than when I walked in, and I have an event to go to tomorrow. He then tried to take the nails off my other hand. I said why. he said cause they have to come off, Again I asked why, and he said cause they were yellow. Now tell me, what is the point of this? Im just going to put nail polish over them anyway.. and besides, slightly off colored nails look more real. I wanted to smack him so bad. I refused to let him take them off, so he chopped them so low ... well lets just say I can't believe I paid them. Especially when he started getting acrylics all over my fingers. Fortunately he had another woman finish off. You know.. I no longer care that they are closer and more convenient and what not. Im going to find another salon.
Im also dealing with my credit card company. They are a bunch of weazles. I reported my card lost, and had them cancel the number and reissue me another one. For this convenience, and for their protection as well as my own, they charged me $25.00.. but the kicker is, they continued to allow charges on the old number. I had signed up with AOL, and could not cancel with them. I got a letter from the credit card company after I canceled the card saying that any recuring fees I would be responsible for getting the new card number to them for continued service. Since I didn't want AOL to continue, I didn't do anything. Well they continued to allow the charges. I assumed the matter was closed and didn't look at my statments, but my husband did, and paid the fees. Well when I realized what was going on, I told him to stop and wrote the credit card company a letter explaining the situation. They blamed me. I wrote back explaining why the blame was theirs, and they wrote back still blaming me. I wrote to the BBB and they finally agreed to reverse the charges and some of the interest, but none of the fees, so not only am I not getting back the money that was paid, I still owe them money. Oh I don't think so. This is beyond not right, and if I have to find the attorney general of the state they do business with and have them charged with theift, I will.
All this from the girl who really wants to hide under the blankets.
Today I went to have my nails done. I have acrylic. The moronic people at the salon I USED to go to (and went to today) said they had to take off my perfectly good nails because they were yellow. I said no, leave the yellow ones on, cause my nails are thin and it hurts like hell when you take them off. He seemed insistant that one of them come off, and I was thinking that maybe that one might possibly have to because the stain was on the darker side. I was afraid of mold. So I let him take that one, and then he said another one had to. I don't know why as that salon just put that one on the last time I went in. I told him I didn't want any thing removed because it would cause a lot of pain, and he promised there would be none, but yet it hurt like hell cause he ripped off an entire piece of my nail and caused me to bleed. THEN he decided to soak it off.. hum.. nail polish remover on an open wound. Again he said it wouldn't hurt.. but it did. I should have walked out right then and there, but I was bleeding, and my nails were in even worse shape than when I walked in, and I have an event to go to tomorrow. He then tried to take the nails off my other hand. I said why. he said cause they have to come off, Again I asked why, and he said cause they were yellow. Now tell me, what is the point of this? Im just going to put nail polish over them anyway.. and besides, slightly off colored nails look more real. I wanted to smack him so bad. I refused to let him take them off, so he chopped them so low ... well lets just say I can't believe I paid them. Especially when he started getting acrylics all over my fingers. Fortunately he had another woman finish off. You know.. I no longer care that they are closer and more convenient and what not. Im going to find another salon.
Im also dealing with my credit card company. They are a bunch of weazles. I reported my card lost, and had them cancel the number and reissue me another one. For this convenience, and for their protection as well as my own, they charged me $25.00.. but the kicker is, they continued to allow charges on the old number. I had signed up with AOL, and could not cancel with them. I got a letter from the credit card company after I canceled the card saying that any recuring fees I would be responsible for getting the new card number to them for continued service. Since I didn't want AOL to continue, I didn't do anything. Well they continued to allow the charges. I assumed the matter was closed and didn't look at my statments, but my husband did, and paid the fees. Well when I realized what was going on, I told him to stop and wrote the credit card company a letter explaining the situation. They blamed me. I wrote back explaining why the blame was theirs, and they wrote back still blaming me. I wrote to the BBB and they finally agreed to reverse the charges and some of the interest, but none of the fees, so not only am I not getting back the money that was paid, I still owe them money. Oh I don't think so. This is beyond not right, and if I have to find the attorney general of the state they do business with and have them charged with theift, I will.
All this from the girl who really wants to hide under the blankets.
1.21.2006
eating machine
Ok, So Im not working, so I figure I'll make an effort and work on my body. I have some weight to loose (understatement) and I need to get on the ball. So the other morning (and this morning) I actually went for a walk outside on top of my regular exercise routine.. but is this making a difference? Who knows. All I know that I can't stop eating. Even when I get myself away from all the food, all I can think about is eating. This morning I was hungry, so I had a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and turkey bacon. It was filling, I was full, but all I wanted to do was go down to cinnibon and get a huge gooey sticky bun. I am craving simple carbs - sugar, white bread, etc. Hopefully I can get past this soon. VERY soon... cause these cravings are driving me insane.
1.20.2006
blog part deux
or is it three or four at this point. who knows, who cares. but since I just got laid off from work yet again (don't ask - cause Im sure I'll eventually get into it all) I thought I'd come here on a regular basis and vent and what not. It is so difficult to be laid off. the only time I liked it was at LOA. Financially I was a little worried but the hubby just got a huge raise, and thus we were ok, and I became a housewife - ick I do not like that title.. how about stay at home furmom.. :) Not that my furkids need me at home. although you wouldn't know it by the way tweedle was just looking at me, or by the obnoxious way Em's sugars have been, but that's a kitty blog for you, not a rant blog.
Ok. so Im unemployed. Big fat harry deal. I don't like working anyway. Well I didn't like my last job very much. I spent all day getting yelled at and didn't have the option of making anyone happy. I worked in the office for a furniture company. How bizarre that when people called you to find out if their furniture was in, that no matter what answer you gave them, they were not going to be happy. You tell them its in, they want to know why they haven't been called previous to this. Doesn't matter that the warehouse manager is currently UNLOADING the truck, and a few minutes ago we didn't know we had it. If you tell them that you didn't have it the would get ticked at that. I wanted to smack the sales associates when they would tell their customers that it was ok to call in to check on things. Cause those calls NEVER go well. Then there was the lack of management, so the sales staff (or half them anyway cause not all of them were corrupt) would lie, and cheat, and steal. It was so frustrating to watch. But I liked my boss. She made me want to go in to work. She was nice, and helpful, and sweet, and kind. And she had previously had bosses that were mean and spiteful, and she never wanted to be that way. We had become friends, and I doubt not working with her any more is going to change that, but I am still beyond sad about not going into work anymore. I have NO idea why. Hubby says it is because I don't handle rejection well. But I don't feel I was rejected, I was the most logical person to let go and if things pick up, they will bring me back. Im actually having a worse time of it today than any other day since I was actually let go (monday)
One of the most bizarre things about this is I feel like I have no friends left. I don't know why. I told my friend Sandy I was laid off, and she immediately made plans with Amy to come and visit me for lunch. Bernie - one of the staff at the previous job, called me and told me she felt horrible about my being laid off, and we made plans to get together. I have gone back to the shelter to do volunteer office work and they were thrilled to have me. So why does part of my brain tell me they are all lying and being spiteful to me???
and the last bit of bizarreness.. its a long story, go with it. I don't download music. I mean I was given a few songs by a friend but on the whole I don't. I have 21 songs in my music folder, and except for the weird al stuff I have no idea where most of them came from. When Kodi died, there was a song in there that I played continually and it helped tremendously.. it is "make it go away" by Holly Cole. For some reason I went back into my music folder on monday (probably cause I wanted to listen to weird al's ebay song) and I found "Cry" by Holly Cole. I haven't stopped playing it. I have no idea where they came from.. But I have to send out shouts to Holly for writing such nice songs. I just wish I could get the darn thing to do a loop on the windows media player!!
(why does blog's spell check not recognize "blog"?)
Ok. so Im unemployed. Big fat harry deal. I don't like working anyway. Well I didn't like my last job very much. I spent all day getting yelled at and didn't have the option of making anyone happy. I worked in the office for a furniture company. How bizarre that when people called you to find out if their furniture was in, that no matter what answer you gave them, they were not going to be happy. You tell them its in, they want to know why they haven't been called previous to this. Doesn't matter that the warehouse manager is currently UNLOADING the truck, and a few minutes ago we didn't know we had it. If you tell them that you didn't have it the would get ticked at that. I wanted to smack the sales associates when they would tell their customers that it was ok to call in to check on things. Cause those calls NEVER go well. Then there was the lack of management, so the sales staff (or half them anyway cause not all of them were corrupt) would lie, and cheat, and steal. It was so frustrating to watch. But I liked my boss. She made me want to go in to work. She was nice, and helpful, and sweet, and kind. And she had previously had bosses that were mean and spiteful, and she never wanted to be that way. We had become friends, and I doubt not working with her any more is going to change that, but I am still beyond sad about not going into work anymore. I have NO idea why. Hubby says it is because I don't handle rejection well. But I don't feel I was rejected, I was the most logical person to let go and if things pick up, they will bring me back. Im actually having a worse time of it today than any other day since I was actually let go (monday)
One of the most bizarre things about this is I feel like I have no friends left. I don't know why. I told my friend Sandy I was laid off, and she immediately made plans with Amy to come and visit me for lunch. Bernie - one of the staff at the previous job, called me and told me she felt horrible about my being laid off, and we made plans to get together. I have gone back to the shelter to do volunteer office work and they were thrilled to have me. So why does part of my brain tell me they are all lying and being spiteful to me???
and the last bit of bizarreness.. its a long story, go with it. I don't download music. I mean I was given a few songs by a friend but on the whole I don't. I have 21 songs in my music folder, and except for the weird al stuff I have no idea where most of them came from. When Kodi died, there was a song in there that I played continually and it helped tremendously.. it is "make it go away" by Holly Cole. For some reason I went back into my music folder on monday (probably cause I wanted to listen to weird al's ebay song) and I found "Cry" by Holly Cole. I haven't stopped playing it. I have no idea where they came from.. But I have to send out shouts to Holly for writing such nice songs. I just wish I could get the darn thing to do a loop on the windows media player!!
(why does blog's spell check not recognize "blog"?)
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