what is with me??

When I named this blog "Outside the Norm" it was because I felt my ideas and opinions were well.. outside the norm, and frankly they weren't welcome on other venues of expressing ideas. I was sick and tired of being flammed, and labled a freak or an idiot simply because I didn't comform to the standard of what ever group of people I was in. I am an individual, and I have never been one to join in 'group thinking'. it irritates me. I wanted this blog to be mine to express what ever came up. I look back at my past few posts, and wonder where all my ideas and opinions went. Where is the me that shouted at the president for trying to sell us a load of .. well you know what he tried to sell you. Maybe you bought it, maybe you didn't. that isn't the point.

The point is that I have been kinda lame lately, and I know it. I don't really know why... wait.. maybe I do. But it isn't just here.. it is also in RL. I can't seem to call my cats by the right names. I have six of them, and up until recently, I have always been able to come up with the right name for the right cat when they are doing something wrong. Apparently part of my brain has shut down.

Why? Cause my job is so freakin borring, that part of my brain said, Sorry, you don't seem to need me, so I am going on vacation. Bye.

I did take the cats to the vet yesterday. the bill was almost $500. but for seven pets, five sets of vaccines, bloodwork and medication, I really can't complain. It is just hard when you see it all together like that. I went to the vet that I want to work for. He finally opened. I have wanted to work for this vet since I heard the rumor that he would be opening his own clinic two years ago. I guess I have been idealizing going to work for him, cause when I was in there with the cats, I got scared. I guess I didn't want to ruin the dream. But I so need a job where I am engaged and able to interact with people. Where I am not given the most idiotic of jobs (my boss wanted me to return a personal item for him, now he wants me to track it and find out where it is) I want to work with animals.

I want this, and it scares me. But everything scares me on one level or another. Just need to suck it up and get over it.

Or I could win the lottery and be independantly wealthy. That works for me too.

btw... this post is brought to you by the annoying time limits of blogger. I signed in at work, got distracted, tried to post, but after I typed out my nice long entry, it asked me to sign in again, and erased my entire post. grrrr

babies and what not

I am child free by choice. I know that is such a foreign concept for a lot of people, but I couldn't inflict myself on a child. I am too quick to get angry, and while intelligently I know children will do things they have no control over (and that is ok) I know that those things will irritate me, and frankly I do not want to screw up anyone like I was screwed up.

I suppose on the outside I had an idyllic childhood. Two parents who loved each other. Two kids in the family, a single family home, a cat. Food on the table, clothes on my back. I didn't have the latest styles, or excess of ANYTHING, and that is ok. It really is. What I did have was a mother who really should have stopped at one child. She had no idea how to be a parent to me, with my needs being important, not hers. I suppose I know that, and might actually be a wonderful parent, but I can't risk that.

Especially when I run into bratty kids these days. It just irritates me to no end. Why? Cause I know that I was NEVER allowed to act that way. I should be irritated at the parents for allowing it, and for the most part I am, but come on, that high pitched noise kids makes, it just gets us non parents on a cellular level, and I just want it to stop!

Now the kids in my every day life, my nephews, and my husband’s nephews and nieces (and grand nephews and nieces) aren't bad. They were raised to be .... well for lack of a better word, civil.

Now I do know there are kids out there who have.. ugh I am so not politically correct here, but who have wiring problems.. so their behavior isn't actually the parent's fault, but how the parents deal with these kids, and how they allow this behavior in public IS THEIR FAULT! I don't think that kids should be seen and not heard, but I also don't think that kids should be heard and not seen (if you know what I mean)

This rant is brought to you by the toddler at the Post Office the other day.


Ok, so the what not.

I have lost 29.5 lbs. I should be thrilled, and I suppose I am, but I’m looking at the journey, not the present (best) or the past (ok) and the journey is so daunting.. so freakingly up hill. *sigh* I should just be happy with what I have, and with the fact that I know that I am on the right road, so that continuing with my journey is not going to be a hardship (when it comes to weight loss) but one that just comes with the journey. But damn it, I just want to be at the point where I can buy new clothes, and find stuff that is cute, that I look good in, and that I don't have to worry that I'll be loosing 40 -50 more pounds.. ok who am I kidding, I could easily loose 60-70 more pounds.. and so I'll be buying clothes that in a few months won't fit me. (hopefully) I mean I still have clothes I bought five years ago; buying something for a few months is going to hurt.

and to top it all off, THERE IS NOTHING OUT THERE THAT LOOKS GOOD ON ME! ok so maybe it does look good on me, but I don't like it. the styles that are out there right now are too prep, too button down, or too punk for me (why is there nothing in the middle??) I don't even know WHAT I am looking for, so I could possibly find someone to make it for me. I just want to be able to go in a store, and buy a few things for a little money, that won't make me feel like I’m just passing time. *sigh*

Yes, I am frustrated. Yes, I am close to tears when I think about it sometimes. And yes, I do know that even people who are a size zero have a hard time buying clothes. I guess I just have too many issues going on at the moment.

The woman on the support board who weighed way more than I did, who has been very vocal about her journey, which two weeks ago was at the same weight I was. She had a stall, I did not. Her stall ended, and now she weighs less than me, and I am depressed about it. Which is STUPID. my body is different from hers. So what if it takes me longer than anyone else to loose the weight. I AM going to loose it, and that is AlL THAT MATTERS. Guess I just want it gone yesterday.

the 'kids' have a vet appointment tomorrow. Wish me luck carting six cats and a rabbit to the vet :)

Saturday morning cartoons

Yes, I am 35 years old. Yes, I lament the time when you could wake up on Saturday and turn on any channel and find cartoons. Today there are NONE. Couldn't even find them on the family channel, which had kid shows, but all live action, which I have never enjoyed. And when I do find cartoons, they are ... well lets just say the state of cartoons has declined dramatically, and serial cartoons are beyond annoying. Where are the Scooby Doo cartoons? Even Recess and the Weekenders were good.. *sigh* I have to be an adult 99% of the time, I liked being able to wake up and lay in bed with my beloveds and vegging.. I miss that.

I am shedding!!

arrgh.

I have started wearing my bangs up in a barrette, it is so bizzare to me. So to be a little less forein, I have left the rest of my hair down. Since it isn't pulled back into an elastic, I am now fully aware of how often pieces fall out. Every time I turn around, I am pulling another piece off my desk, or out of my mouth, or off my food. how frustrating.

I know this is normal, as it is my fall shedding time, but why can't my hair just stay in my head??

I haven't cut my bangs yet, but I feel it coming. I can't stand this. Fortunately I don't have to spend a great deal of time looking at myself, so they do have a chance..

Weekend is here once again. yea! I so need it. I am so tired. Although I did agree to go over to a friend's house who is computer illeterate and help her sell on ebay. This is going to be a HUGE disaster, but she has been asking me for years, and this is the closest she has come to actually meaning it. She is someone I know through my volunteer work, so we aren't close friends, not even friends that see each other outside of the venue.. so this should be truly interesting.

not much else going on outside of caring for a sick kitten. It is pretty emotionally draining, despite my doing my best to not let it. At the moment I feel like I normally feel after a good long cry. drained, my eyes hurt, achy... I think I need some chocolate.

I am officially down 28lbs. I was 28.5 last week on Sunday (my semi official weigh in day) and despite having a very good day eating, that monday I was back up two pounds, and couldn't get them off again. I hate the change of seasons for this reason alone!! Every freakin time. But that's ok. cause this year I am not going to let them move in :D

saving worms

Nothing explains about me more clearly than the fact of what happened this morning.

I was late to work. I was late to work because I had two different sets of kittens to feed, a rabbit to clean up after and feed, and a cat who needed her blood sugar tested this morning (270, not bad)

Being late to work, I went out into the garage (yes, I have a garage, Im so grown up.. lol) and for some reason I opened the door before I got in the car, something I rarely do. Of course since it downpoured last night, the sill of the garage was covered in worms. Big fat huge worms too (does that mean they are OLD worms?) There were some tiny little worms no bigger than the width of your thumb.

I put my lunch in my car, went back, found a dust pan, and spent 5 minutes saving worms this morning. As I walked one of the big fat worms out to the grass, it was looking for an escape, and of course that escape was in the direction of my hand. So what did I, in my infinate wisdom, say? Im trying to rescue you you silly worm, don't attack me! Fortunately it was another step and they were over the grass, so I just flipped them off the dust pan and went back for more.

So, you can tell me I am silly, or cute, or whatever.. but this is me.

I can't do it!

I want to, I really do. passionately. but it is driving me NUTS!

what you ask?

Grow out my bangs.

I have had bangs since, well frankly since I have had hair. Bad bangs, good bangs, long bangs, short bangs, bangs from bowls, bangs from shag. Permed bangs, straight bangs, feathered bangs, sticking up in the air bangs. I HATE THEM ALL!

I have a cowlick on one side.. they never do what they want, they never cooperate. if I leave them flat I look horrible, if I curl them, they fall. I can't win with them.

I don't think I'd look stellar with out bangs, but man I'd love to try. They are currently at my nose, and look horrible. They are so completely in my way..


You know what though, Im sure I'd look just as horrid with out bangs too. A bad hair day strikes any hair style :)

pet peeves

I have to tell you, NOTHING gets my dander up faster than those guys (and it is always guys, the women almost never do this) who work on road construction, and it is their job to hold the "slow" "stop" sign. They are so freakin full of themselves, and feel they need to .. what? protect me?.. like I have no idea how to drive on a road with something big in the middle of it. Like the time the people down the road from me parked a HOUSE in the middle of the road and there were no guys with signs, how on earth did I get past that house??? tell me, cause according to these guys I can't possibly do it. I MUST be told to slow down even though they are barely in the road, and I am doing the speed limit, and THERE IS NO ONE ELSE AROUND! I also must be told to stop, even though I am 10 feet from the intersection, and if I were at the intersection, I could easily see what was coming and could decide for myself when it was safe to go, I mean I do drive through that intersection every freakin day! To top it all off, he made me wait for the person delivering mail to pull over to the next mailbox before "letting" me pass.

I just really wanted to run him over.

but I didn't. I was a good girl.

Just said a few nasty words to him is all.

but my window was rolled up.

bizarro freako dream

Started off in a doctor's office. It felt like a documentary on how to pick out a new doctor, how they aren't in every building (I was in a large city) and how you'd need to find one close who would listen to you. I was feeling miserable, and was kind of out of it. The dream kept showing me private conversations between staff, and I was not paying attention to them. I knew they were there, and having a conversation loud enough so that I could understand every word they said, but I choose not to listen. Twice this happened, and each time the staff then commented to me that I wasn't doing a very good job of not listening.

It was very busy, and I didn't think I was going to be seen so I left, and went to get something to eat. I was now with several friends. We went to a burger king (I prefer mcds to bk) went to the back area to get drinks. I choose a large because I wasn't feeling well. I couldn't keep the straw in the soda. I asked how the other people were doing it, and they showed me that putting a straw in a straw worked.

my friends had ordered before getting the sodas. we went up to the counter to find a very tall skinny man at the counter. He started to rob the place. He started taking the money and some food. He was yelling and being obnoxious, but was very calm and stood in one place. (it was a small store, very little room to move anyway) Turns out he was an employee who lived in the building. He had dropped a napkin with his name and address imprinted on it. we found it before the police arrived and one of my friends handed it to the staff saying they could let the police know who it was, which was when she explained that he was a financial consultant that worked for them. I was still hungry, so I reached over the counter and took what I thought was a cheeseburger. Turned out to be a double, with the two patties cooked together, so they were both pink on the inside. Tasted like a home made burger instead of the over processed ones at fast food restaurants. Went out side with my friends, and we split up. A tall slightly overweight friend turned into my husband, and we got into an old station wagon. We sat and talked for a few moments, he said it wasn't right that I took the burger. I explained they weren't going to miss it in the grand scheme of things, and that I was hungry and not feeling well. I don't know what became of this conversation, because at that point, twenty or more gun turrets from submarines popped through the pavement. I was like, how are submarines going to move on the pavement?? well they came completely through, almost like hot air balloons, and then were on wheels. I remember thinking "wheels, cool!". They started moving toward the building we had just come from, which felt like a mall at this point.

We sat in the car trying to be inconspicuous. the submarines started pushing cars next to us, so we couldn't escape. They weren't after us at this point, just moving things out of their way, not that I could really see, as I had slipped down to the floor at this point and had my head on the seat. I could see the car next to us on my side had a black and white cat sitting in the window.

That car started moving out of view, and I felt very scared for the first time. I tried to cover my head with a sheet. my husband was telling me to be calm, that they weren't after us, and it started to work till I saw a submarine pull up near us, and I knew it was going to start moving our car.

Which is when I woke up.
two seconds later I am conked on the head by my DH, who has just rollen over in his sleep.

Typing this out, I see some semblance of my waking life in the dream. I woke up not feeling well. Im thirsty. i own a black and white cat (but not one that looks like the one in the dream) and I was pulling the sheet over my face last night when watching last tuesday's episode of house, when they did a needle in the eye biopsy, and brain surgery. Knowing its fake, and seeing it on tv are so totally two different things :)

can we say bizarro freako dream?

grumble grumble

Ok, so no download for PB. I get upset. I call. moronic csr won't let me explain why I am upset. i get irate. i tell her to 'shut up' i immediately regret it. she gets a manager, i appologise, i am promised that it will be there by noon, and she'll call me back.

are you holding your breath? Im not.

weight it back up by a pound or two depending on when I get on the scale.

at leaest anger is camoflaging the hurt.. screw the hurt. Im fine. Going to go out shopping after this stupid program is downloaded. Catalogs can go out monday.

Massage today too. Should be a good weekend.

this morning

Making the post I did last night, and facing the feelings that I have previously dealt with and put away, I woke up this morning feeling pretty destroyed. It was such an odd feeling, but destroyed felt like such an appropriate word. I knew I was in there somewhere. I spent time with Jack (my kitty) and he seemed to know I needed his attention. I put on a shirt I think I look good in, I put on pants that are a little loose on me, and put on my absolutely adorable brown suede shoes.

I came in to work still feeling pretty down, so I put aside projects that seemed never ending, and made it a point to work on a couple that I knew I could finish quickly.

When you feel destroyed, you pick up the pieces, you put them back together and you move on. I guess if I were being honest, I am still pretty fragile, but Im definitely on the mend. (that is until I pick up those feelings again which will happen again, hopefully next time they won't be as powerful)

This dream brought to you by...

Well this is a good one.

Its 2 am. I woke up due to a dream, and a need to go pee, a bad combination for me. I got up, used the facilities, and went back to bed. Slightly stressed over work and life, and with my bed sheets slightly damp - I've been having night sweats the past couple of days - I couldn't go right back to sleep.

So I thought I would distract myself. I tried to picture myself laying in a hammock under a palm cabana in Tahiti. I was picturing the hammock, brought to you by Wal-Mart... which of course is when I just had to laugh, and I knew that it would be useless.

Im stressed about work thanks to Pitney Bowes. For three weeks I have been trying to down load a "slug" to help me send out catalogs. The first time I called them, I spent almost an hour being shuffled from one clueless rep to the next. No one knew how to get me what I needed. I FINALLY found someone, who was like, oh yea, you just need this, and btw it is going to be seventy dollars, and it is going to take five to seven business days for you to be able to down load. hun? what? five to seven business days? This is a computer right? Well I held my tongue and waited. A week and a half later nothing. Called back. After way too long on the phone it was discovered that they had entered the wrong serial number for my machine, and could she verify it. Yes, that was the right number. Ok, I won't charge you, and I'll fix this. Frikken right you won't charge me anything. And I put this in priority. Five days. Hun? what? this IS a computer we are talking about right? whatever. So now my list of catalogs has jumped from 100 to 300. Its going to take me all day to mail them when this finally works. So I wait. I was told it would be there on monday. I call Tuesday. Oh we are so very sorry, the wrong serial number was entered. Yea, you said that the last time, then you verified that you HAD the right number.. Oh Im so sorry she says, but there are no notes to that effect. *imagine me now imagining reaching through the phone and smacking the back of PB's head* Let me put you on hold. 14 minutes later she comes back, apologies for my being on hold for 14 minutes, and says she was trying to track down a manager. Where are the managers in call centers anyway?? Why aren't they policing their CSR staff?? I know when I worked in a call center, there was ALWAYS a manager around, and on that off time when they took a lunch, they were in the building, or if not, there was someone else who could handle something like this. ANYWAY. Again, she is very sorry, but the manager will look into this and WILL call me tomorrow, and it can be uploaded by then. Notice this is Wednesday and I am stressed about this. Guess I'll be calling and they'll be getting my irate WTF are you people doing attitude.

My other stresser is my mother. This past Christmas held some very hurtful moments, and I decided to cut off all contact with her. This of course cut off contact with the rest of my family cause it has just seemed to be that way. My only sibling, my sister, never makes a point to let me know when they are going to be in town so I can come visit them. If I am lucky enough to stumble upon the fact they are in town, then I get to see my nephews, or maybe if my parents happen to think to let me know they are coming. which had always been extremely rare. My husband thinks I should tell my mother the hows and whys of what I feel and why I haven't spoken to her. My thoughts are she should damn well know, all she had to do is think about it. Then my thoughts were, I don't really care if she knows or not, because I have told her my thoughts in the past, and nothing ever changed. Nothing. I have never had a mother daughter relationship with my mother. I always have felt that I was an obligation. A genetic responsibility, never someone cherished. I spent too much of my life wishing I was dead. Planning on ways to die. What good would ever come of telling her? Granted I miss my father terribly, and I miss seeing my nephews. Ive never had any semblance of a sister relationship either. We have nothing in common, and the few times we have tried, it has always been very awkward. And I also have issues with her as well. Nothing from the past... well ok we all have issues from the past, but nothing I can't deal with, my main hurt has been when I have sent gifts to her boys. I have never gotten an acknowledgement. I asked her once why she didn't make the boys send thank you letters. Her response was they were too young. So the next time I sent a gift, I sent along those child thank you post cards, where most of the letter is written, the child just has to sign his name. Nothing. It felt like I was sending gifts out into the night, and then having to track them down to make sure they were received in one piece. No idea if they were enjoyed, if they even made it. Doesn't make you want to run out and buy gifts often.

But I have been listening to books on tape, and the current one I am listening to is about a woman who's sister has just revealed that she was emotionally abused by her mother as a child, and that abuse turned physical from time to time. The woman is in shock that this went on with out her knowing it. While she is dealing with what she is being told, her father dies. Im currently in the middle of the book, so I don't know how it turns out... but it got me to thinking, that I do need to tell my mother that she has caused me to be suicidal. I need her to know. I don't care what happens after that, because I don't see us ever rekindling any semblance of a relationship. but apparently this is something I need. I wrote the first draft earlier this evening. Haven't even shown or told my DH. God only knows if I will have the strength to do this. But I have written it down. The next step is in God's hands.

Sorry to be so heavy on a 3am post.. but maybe since I've gotten it off my chest I can get back to sleep.

hunger

Now this is just bizarre. I am very hungry. None of the food that I am eating is registering. I was in the middle of eating my lunch, and I made a point to pay attention to it, the texture, the taste, etc. I chewed slowly, trying to be aware, to let my body recognize it was getting food. Last bite down, and I wondered where on earth my lunch had gone. Seriously.

I HATE days like this. It is days like this that got me to where I was. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am drinking a ton of water.. I feel like putting myself in the corner or giving myself a time out :)

ok, honestly what I want to do is take myself down to Pizza Hut and get one of their new lasagne pizzas, but I am so not going to do that, cause I'll end up eating the entire thing, then wondering what to have next.

Guess I'll have to come up with some sort of distraction when I get home. Maybe I'll just go to bed at 7 and call it a day!

27.5

I have now lost 27.5 lbs. Annoying thing is I don't see the difference. I know weight loss is in millimeters, but there is nothing in this world that weighs almost 30lbs and isn't immediately obvious!!

I must remember that it is obvious though. I have had to throw away a pair of pants, and another is getting there. There are several shirts I have had to take out of the rotation because they are too big. Even my jackets are fitting better over my arms. It wasn't that obvious to me going on, I shouldn't expect to look immediately thinner comming off. but boy it is hard. They advertise these weight loss products and show you the before and after and casually mention it took x amount of weeks... but you don't see the x amount of weeks, you only see the before and after.

90% of the time, I am on this diet to eat right, and to treat my body better and have the weight loss be secondary. Which is probably why it is working. but that 10% of the time I see a roll of fat or still can't get into the shirt I never should have bought cause it was WAY too small, and I get discouraged. 27.5, 27.5, that is NOTHING to get discouraged about.. i've come a long way baby..

Where's my fairy godmother??

When you are little, they spend time reading fairy tales to you. You hear of fairy godmothers, how the good triumph in the end, and magic is real. You hear of Santa, and the Easter bunny, and the tooth fairy.

They teach you to be fair, and to do the right thing, and to play well with others.

Then they get annoyed with you when you shout out things like "That is NOT fair!!"

They they spout "Life isn't fair, get used to it"

So then why do they spend their time teaching that life should be fair, and the good win in the end?

Ever feel like you are being watched?

Im sitting at the computer working on updating my kittyblog, while the DH was nice enough to put together dinner for me. He just brought it in to me, and Em decided she wanted a taste.. I don't think so. So I put her on the ground. I figured it was just me and her in here, but when I turned to put her on the floor, there were several cats behind me, including one on the back of my chair.

I love that they always want to be with me.. but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish they wouldn't sneak up on me like that.

sleep and shop

Well yesterday I realized I am now allergic to my down pillows.

Finding the right pillows for me has been a huge battle. FINALLY I found the down ones that worked. Granted they weren't PERFECT, but pretty darn close. Well after about a year, and feathers all over the freakin house, I noticed I was sleeping poorly, and waking up stuffed up. So I went out and got some covers that are supposed to reduce allergins from pillows, well apparently putting those on kicked up a lot of whatever, because last night was MISERABLE!! I finally threw them off to the side and started sleeping on one of my Dh's abandoned pillows. Went out like a ROCK, and got up like one too. Been a zombie all day. grrr.

So I am getting ready for work, and once again my 25lb weight loss has caused problems in the shirt I wanted to wear was hanging off me and showing both bra straps. Into the pile that goes. I NEED new clothes darn it!! Probably next week I'll go out looking again, when HOPEFULLY the new winter clothes will be out... as I hated the fashions for summer/fall.grrr

So I found a shirt that worked, and went into the bathroom to finish getting ready. I look at all the products on my bathroom counter. I don't have a medicine cabnet, so most of the stuff is out. Its frustrating too because a lot of the stuff I don't really like so much, but the fugal part of me can't throw them away. They function just fine, but I don't like the smell as much as some of the others. I grew up with the "use it all' mentality, and I can't shake it. I am working on it with the food ("Clear your plate, we don't want to waste food!" well it is just as much wasted on my hips as it is in the trash) and not doing too bad, but why is it I can't throw out the bottle of soap that I've had for two plus years?? I got so annoyed looking at it I just wanted to throw EVERYTHING away and start over and buy everything new. talk about your wastes.. *sigh* I'd never do it either.. cause I'd look at something and say "This is perfectly good, I can't throw this out"

When I started NS, I went through the cupboards (well most of them) and the fridge and did that. You have no idea how much it hurt to throw out perfectly good cookies, and jars of chocolate sauce.. Even the horribly ashamfully outdated caramal sauce was difficult.

(and forgive me for stating repeatedly about my 25lb weight loss. I get bummed when the scale doesn't move from day to day, so I have to remember how far I have come so I don't get discouraged)

lets try this blogging thing again

I like blogging, I like journaling in general, but I guess I have fallen into the "my life is not interesting" trap. I hate it when people tell me that for reasons why they haven't written.

So, lets see if I can do this.

A few updates. I am still at my job. Doing a good job at it apparently. Im told often I am just too fast :) I like to think of it as effecient. Sadly I am bored out of my skull here. The job is not challenging in the least. But they pay very well, and treat me very well, so I am not going to go and do anything drastic by leaving or anything. I just amuse my mind several times a day with spider solitaire..

Car, still haven't gotten one, still haven't FOUND one. Still only looking at the new ones cause that is all that is around here, but I can't spend 30k for a car.. I can't. Ok technically I can, but I refuse. Im still looking for a used solara convert, but now 04 and later. You know, I haven't seen an 03.. odd. Maybe they didn't make them that year. Im thinking I am going to have to Ebay it. I went and test drove the new ones, and I drooled again. I love this car.

kittens, good, see kitten blog.

Cats, ok, see kitten blog.

Just before June, I started a diet. I had had it with myself trying to do it by watching what I ate, well actually what I was doing was watching the scale move up. It was so discouraging. So I joined Nutrisystem. I really had no doubts that it would work, and work it has. So far I have lost 25lbs. I have thrown away one pair of pants, and am close to throwing another because they are too loose. I went through my shirts, and if I got rid of everything that was too big for me, I would have nothing to wear, and I am having NO luck finding anything new that is cute, that I like, that would be good to wear while I loose another 25lbs. Technically i could probably loose 100lbs in general, but then I would be a weight I haven't seen since the fourth grade, and frankly I think that might just be "too skinny" on my body type. But who knows. I'll just ride this train till Im sick of it and then get off.

One big component of NS is drinking all the water you are 'supposed' to and then some. You know, the whole 8 glasses a day? Well I have always been big on drinking.. it was usually Mountain Dew.. Then it was Diet MD.. then diet pepsi, and finally I said enough was enough. I got off all soda about a year or two ago.. and frick if that wasn't HARD. Anyone who thinks it isn't addicting is just wrong. My DH kept drinking it, and I would look at him and want to knock him down to drink his. Fortunately I never did (he is very thankful) I moved from soda to sugar free drink mixes like crystal light. I am picky when I drink straight water, but here at work I drink gallons of it. TONS of it. I am the poster child for drinking water. 99% of the time I pee clear cause I keep myself so filtered.

Well when I got down about 20lbs, I still felt miserable. My back was killing me and I had no energy. I finally broke down and got a massage. I LOVE massage. Well the first one was amazing. The second two weeks later was a little less amazing since I was still fragle from the first one. It is causing me to let go of a lot of 'toxins' or build up or what ever, cause I am feeling better and I am peeing YELLOW!! which is frustrating, cause I know it generally means I am not drinking enough water, but if I drink any more I am seriously am going to float away. So I'll just do what I can, and eventually I should catch up.

well enough for today... got to save stuff for the next post :D