Empty Closet

Well.. I did it. I purged.. and HOW. I went through my sweaters, and got rid of more than half of them. I went through my jammies, and got rid of some of them.. and went through my closet and I'd say I got rid of more than half of it..


The pile taller than the bed

More piles

The hangers

The closet aftermath.. More than half empty..

I was going to go buy more clothes tomorrow, but I thik I'll settle simply for some new bras, which I am also in major need of!

On a personal note.. it is finally snowing here, and the town didn't forget to plow.. see..

45 lbs

I saw 45lbs gone on Christmas Eve morning.. of course I slept till nine, so I was pretty dehydrated. Then I went and ate for a few days, and had a 'few' cookies, and went up a couple of pounds. This morning I saw 45lbs again.

I went to the vet this afternoon. I used to work with the vet, and his entire staff at another clinic. I so want him to hire me because he is such a nice guy, but he hired my friend instead, and that is ok, cause she needed the job WAY more than I did.. and with the job I have now - despite how boring it is - I can afford to fund his growing practice..

Anyway.. I got fawned over.. saying how great I looked, wondering how much I lost, wondering how I did it.. It was nice - odd cause Im so not used to attention - but nice.

I bought some new clothes from Kohls, and I just ordered some new ones from Coldwater Creek. (I LOVE that place) I need to go through my closet and get rid of the stuff that is too big now. Looks like that is going to happen tomorrow, and then I can get a better handle on what I need and what not so I can go out and do some more shopping on Sunday..

I'm turning into a GIRL!!

gack!

I know I know, I am female... but I've never been girl-y.. But now Im thinking I need to wash my hair every day (I'm not doing it yet, but Im considering it) and I've even considered -- Make up!! (GACK!) what is going on??? take a few pounds off a girl and she wants to really look good.. *sigh* Im a little annoyed with myself. I really don't want to be one of those people who can't leave the house with out spending half an hour getting ready.

I put on a couple of pounds over Christmas. I had a sliver of cheesecake, and quite a few cookies.. so it shouldn't be long before they are gone again.

Ive taken to using weights during my step aerobics. Not excessively, but some. Two pounders, so Im probably not making much of a difference, but I so want to reduce the size of my natural BFA (in case you missed that post, BFA are Big Fat Arms) i've always had BFA.. and Im ok with that, but they seem to have remained the same size (I know they haven't, I have a shirt that proves it) and seem totally out of proportion to the rest of me.

I went shopping yesterday for clothes. Im going to spend the end of the year cleaning out the clothes I feel I cant wear any more (see the girlie part of this post) cause they are too big, and frankly that doesn't leave me with a heck of a lot of options. I actually spent $175 at Kohls.. all on clearance items.. and sadly I don't think I got that much. Five or six tops, one of which is a Christmas sweater that I won't be wearing till next year. I also bought a pair of dream pants.. size 12! They are about four to six inches away from closing. but I did get them up over my hips.. so that's something. (vanity sizing.. vanity sizing.. ) I should pull out my old high school jeans that I love and haven't been able to wear since HS.. and return the 12s.. but.. I dont seem to want to. It is stupid to buy a pair of pants you can't wear.. but my DH calls it something I haven't had in a while.. Hope.

Hope for what? to be all silly and girly??

sigh

I guess Im going to have to get used to the new me on so many different levels..

Oh wait.. I forgot to tell you about my emotional break down in the fitting room!!

My bras are all old, and crappy, and aren't putting the girls where they should be any more. So I went to try on bras. I had NO idea what size I was any more.. so I pulled the size I was prior to the major weight gain, and a few sizes down. Now I started at a 36B.. went to a C. then a 38B.. I still own quite a few vanity bras at 36C.. but they are all dark. I need light colored ones. I pulled a 36C, B, and then for fun I pulled a 34C and B. The 34B is way too small. the 36B and the (get this) 34C work... When I had that 34 on, I actually cried. Im sitting in the dressing room at Kohls sobbing. again, it is probably vanity sizing, but I felt so good in a 34! (especiallly since when I went to get fitted for a bra, the stupid sales lady tried to put me in a 40!! which was obnoxiously big on me at the time)

Unfortunately the 34 was black.. and I so do not need another black bra.

I haven't done "stupid quizes" for a while :)

So what the heck, here are a few ;) Christmas day was stuffed with cookies, and sage and onions, and a few other things I shouldn't have eaten. Im going to wait a few days to see what the scale has to tell me (cause it is telling me nasty things right at this moment :D)

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Hum... Im sencing a theme here..

You Are a Fruitcake

People pretend you're sweet and precious, but they know how weird you really are!

What Holiday Food Are You?

Your Observation Skills Get A B-

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time) And it takes something big to distract you!

How Observant Are You?

(I think this one wasn't an A cause I am left/right impaired)

You Are 15% Vain

You don't have a vain bone in your body - almost as a matter of principal. You demand to be judged on who you are, not what you look like.

How Vain Are You?

Your Body Image is 20% Unhealthy, 80% Healthy

You have a great body image. You know that no one looks perfect, and you're happy the way you are. Also, you don't judge other people on their looks... and it helps them feel better about their own bodies!

How's Your Body Image?

You Will Die at Age 88

Congratulations! You take good care of yourself. You're poised to live a long, healthy life.

What Age Will You Die?

You are 100% Cancer

How Cancer Are You?

Your Power Level is: 80%

You're a very powerful person, and you know that all of your power comes from within. Keep on doing what you're doing, and you'll reach your goals.

How Powerful Are You?

You've Experienced 64% of Life

You have all of the life experience that most adults will ever get. And unless you're already in your 40s, you're probably wise beyond your years.

How Much Life Experience Do You Have?

44.5!!

that's it.. all I have to say for now :)

44 lbs!

YEA! the scale gave me another new number today.. whoo hoo! I was thinking it was going to take a while.. That morning exercising is really helping.. of course I couldn't do it this morning. Some nights I just can't get to sleep to save my life. When the new 'media room' is done, I'll move all my exercise equiptment down there, so on nights I can't sleep I'll go exercise for a little while. Its in the bedroom at the moment, which works well when it is first thing in the AM and Im alone in the house..

I am freakin exhausted. I had so many things to blog about this morning, and I forgot all of them. Im thinking Im going to leave work an hour early today, and take a half day tomorrow.. I have wrapping I need to do, and there is some more shopping I want to do.

I think I have found a 'new' car that I like and feel I can afford. The volvo 99 c70 convertible. Its pretty, the top sinks into the car so I don't have to worry about a boot.. and its reliable. I found one at a dealership, and stupidly I thought I'd trade in my car.. well they only offered me 4,500 for it. Um.. NO. You have the EXACT same car in your lot for sale for 12K!! and mine has a remote starter.. you can go bite my shiney metal car.. So now the question is do I go somewhere else (there were a few on autotrader) and try and trade in my car, or try to sell it on my own. *sigh* I dont wanna sell it on my own, but I certainly do not want to take a 1-2k loss on the sale either.. (or 4k loss if I had traded it in at that last place) I should probably take it in to a few places and see what they'll offer me for it.

*yawn*

Five more pounds till Im "slightly overweight' instead of Obese - according to the BMI. How one goes from slighly overweight to OBESE in one pound amazes me, you'd think there would be some other lable in there. Oh well. not my call. Just rules I have to live by.

Id love to ride this weight loss journey down to 145 or less.. but I don't know if my body will get there. the BMI chart says that 132-149 is healthy for me.. I'd be freaking thrilled with 150. i wonder how I would look at 132...

Now if you care, you have all you need to know to figure out how much I weigh.. but since I doubt anybody reads this, and if perchace you do, you certainly aren't up for math, and research.. so I figure my secret is safe :D

New Pants

I was suffering from a major case of "floppy butt" so I had to go out and buy new pants. I had recently bought new non-strech 18s, and I could get my arm down them (after their being tight) I went and reluctantly tried on some stretch 16s. I was scared they wouldn't fit, but they did... so i bought them. turns out I still had floppy butt, so I went back and returned the unwornen 16s and got a 14!! *faints* I know it is all vanity sizing, and technically this is probably a 16 or even an 18, but Im ok with that :D

The whole having to spend money right before Christmas is hard for me though. I'd ask others to, but I have SUCH a hard time findng clothes that fit me well, I wouldn't want to have to torture anyone trying to buy clothes for me.

Im having a down day today. Im feeling unproductive, unnecessary and a total waste of space. Doesn't help that Im blogging at work, and trying to find ANYTHING to stimulate my brain. Not quite sure what to do with myself to chear myself up. Its always been chocolate or cookies before..

*sigh*

Bah humbug

I swear the scale is STUCK!!

rant rant rant.

Now when I decided to go on this weight loss journey, I decided that I really didn't care what the scale told me. the destination was the key, that and the fact that I was going to take the time to fuel my body the way it needs to be instead of the junk I had been filling it with.

And so, the scale has been slow to give me lower numbers, and fortunately I've been ok with that.. the alternative is to get upset and go off my journey, and stay my fat self.

Well these past few weeks, Ive been in a friendly competition with a few other women who are close in weight to myself. For a short while I was winning, then it came to a screaching halt.

Now my clothes are getting bigger, and I FEEL smaller, but the scale refuses to tell me that anythingn is happening. This morning I put on one pair of black pants that recently fit me well, and they were so loose, that I put on another pair, and they too are too big.

WHY DOESN'T THE SCALE KNOW!!

cause its stupid!

new favorite store

Ok, its official.

I got a catalog for Cold Water Creek the other day, and I liked a lot of the stuff in it.. I have the hardest time buying from catalogs and on line, cause I so need to try stuff on. On my way down to a new mall to shop at H&M, I saw that my local outlet stores had one there.

So on my way home, I stopped in. They had a sale, buy 3 items, get 30% off, four items, 40% off and for five items you get 50%!!

I found three items right away. Two beautiful jackets and a shirt. I found a pretty silk dress for $14 (and yes, I got 50% off that) and I ended up buying another sweater I'll probably list on Ebay.

Im THRILLED!!

I then went into the Dress Barn. I have always loved shopping in Dress Barn Women.. not so thrilled with the regular Dress Barn. But then that has been one of my problems lately.. I am drawn to the plus sizes, cause I like the styling better - what on earth does this say about me?? Im not sure I want to know :D

But today I am aching from all the walking I did yesterday. My trip to that mall was a bust. I ended up buying a toy for the rabbit at the Christmas Tree Shops (I usually buy a cart load at that store!) and a sweater from Good Will. Then the six things from CWC. (I got a new Christmas Pin too - a Polar Bear)

Im trying to figure out if I need to buy presents for the people at work. Im thinking no.. I hope Im right.

vanity sizing

am I the only woman in the world that HATES vanity sizing??

I went out shopping AGAIN to find some clothes to wear, and Im pulling out mediums that are too big, and larges that are too small. its just freaking me out. We totally need industry standards for clothing sizes.. period!!

I also found a freakingly adorable pair of ankle boots in burgandy. unfortunately they were a smidge too small, and there wasn't a larger size, so I couldn't buy them, but I hadn't even thought of burgandy.. so now Im looking for burgandy :D I found a pair on ebay. If they don't go up dramatically before the auction ends I think I'll risk it and buy them. I have the worst time with shoes fitting my feet.. if it doesn't work, I can just resell them.

My boss is out of the country attending meetings, so I am at work with NOTHING on my to-do list. I think I'll attempt some on line shopping... oh wait.. left my credit card at home. Well I can window shop :D

Shopping for clothes

Now I have to start out telling you that I felt like a total fraud while shopping today. All my life I have been in the plus sections.. (I remember when I was no longer a 6x in grade school for goodness sake)

My local fashion store is split in two, to the left is the plus sizes, to the right are the regular sizes. I went to the right, and because my mind has yet to adjust to the reality of my new smaller, slimmer body, I was sure that people were going to laugh at me, or just think I was buying gifts for someone else.

Well, I pulled out a couple of L shirts, and some M sweaters, when I pulled them off the rack, I was certain nothing was going to fit, and EVERYTHING FIT!! I even had on a dress that was a size TWELVE!! Unfortunately 99% of it didn't work out, for the cut, or the color, etc, but I did buy a nice elegant top to go with the skirt I bought a few weeks ago for the company christmas party tomorrow. SIZE MEDIUM! and to top it of, 40% off!!!

Just wanted to toot my own horn :D

toot toot tooot

WTF!!

excuse my acronym, but my body is confusing the living daylights out of me. the scale has been stuck and this morning it was up half a pound, despite my being on plan all day!!

Not only that, but I noticed the skin on the inside of my thighs screams lost weight.. (yes, ick.. but rather it scream lost weight then gained weight!!) and when I put on my pants this morning they felt obnoxiously loose. Still do..

sob.

I was hoping for a prettier number on the scale this morning.. Oh well. I MUST take comfort in the fact that my body is doing what it needs to do, and will get to where it needs to go in time. Just frustrates me when I see other people loosing weight so freakin fast..

Im still coughing up a freakin storm.. very freakin annoying. I am ready to be done with this.

I have to do some Christmas shopping at some point. I am completely uninspired to do so. I feel bad. I also feel bad cause frankly I don't need / want anything.. makes it hard for loved ones to get me gifts.. and i know that, and I feel bad. Ive been shopping trying to find something.. and I found lots of pretty things at coldwater creek but way over my budget. I just can't fathom spending that kind of money on clothes. Maybe later, when I have a body I don't mind showing off, but not at this point. (not that Im in to showing it off.. but hopefully you know what I mean.)

frankly, right now Im a miserable ol fart who wants to go home, go to bed, and be smothered by kitties.

Still no cookies for me - aren't you proud?

I knew you were. Although technically I did have a tiny tiny crumb of one.. and it was absolutely not worth it.

Although for some reason I have been stuck at -40lbs. This morning was interesting. My scale always amazes me. I got up, and it was at -38.5 then I went back to bed for a bit, and it was at -39. then I had to go pee, and well yes, that is gross, but then I was at -40 again.

I think it is because I have been so sick, that I haven't been paying close attention to what and when I eat. I have been careful to only choose items that are allowed on the diet, but if I had one serving of protein or two, I can't say for certain. I'd like to say one, but I couldn't swear to it, and since the scale has been telling me Im not eating in a deficit...

Today I am going to be VERY careful. I measured out my fruit.. Im not going to have any extras, and we'll see what happens. All I know is I am extremely thirsty today.. its annoying. That and the cough is still around. PLEASE make that go away.

The trip to Logan airport was a freakin laugh riot too. It rained so hard on the ride home, it made it next to impossible to stay on the road. So half way home I stopped at a shopping mall, and did a little shopping. I actually bought myself a shirt and a pair of pants and a suit. total shock! the shirt was only $6.00 and is cute. the pants are a 14W. I know it is complete vanity sizing since I just bought 18s and they fit, and the 14s are large. But they look nice, are comfortable, and were on clearance (ok ok, and were a size 14!)

Vanity sizing.. oh the horror. I hate it. I have a pair of pants I wore in high school that are 14s. It is my dream to get into them again / have them be too big. I wore them comfortably 55lbs ago (from where I am now) Sad hun? the way clothes makers have tried to sucker women into buying more clothes cause the little label says a smaller size. I don't know how much further the vanity sizing can go though.. they already have size 0. what.. are we going to have to look for negative sizes next??

Another thing I have been noticing lately is a huge number of blogs by bloggers of FAITH. I want to say Christian bloggers, but there were a few other religions in there. As a Christian myself, and a firm believer but someone who doesn't go to church, I find it very interesting. What ever brings Glory to God is good. The question is, does it bring glory? For the most part, i would think yes...

Sigh.. I suppose I should at least PRETEND to be working.. there is so little for me to do right now though..