sigh

it has been a while - hasn't it. I'm not really sure why. guess I didn't want to spew my depression all over the net. I have been having a hard time, and I really need to force myself to focus on the good things. I did send my DH out to pick up some more meds for me, and I've been increasing my intake of omega3s in hopes of stimulating a good mood physically..

I am at a point where Em is just in the background now. Not something I think of constantly. I'm surprised how quickly she moved from my primary focus in life to a thing of my past. I'm still tearing up easily when I think about her not being around any more, but life is moving on.. just as it always does no matter what you want.

my weight has gone down a bit to 179.5 (even took a picture!). This past weekend was hard on me, for no particular reason, and I couldn't stop eating. Monday I weighed 181.. tuesday 183 (why is it the weight waits two days to pile on?).. hey.. that's today.. *ugh* So I'm recommitting to get rid of the sugar and stay on plan this week. Easier said than done - but I have one day under my belt, and today is full of things to do, so today might be as well. no.. wait.. it will be.. period.

Work got very hard for me too. My boss was out of the office having ACL surgery. She's fine, but not having her around was hard. One office mate is nice enough, but I wouldn't call her a friend, and the other is just the bane (as you've seen from previous posts). Well the bane waited till we were all alone in the office and cornered me and accused me of not doing my job, being lazy, and a bunch of other things, while at the same time stating she was too important or too lazy to do her job. I tried very nicely to push her off till the boss came back just a few days later, but she refused. I talked to my boss about it. Now my boss is the sweetest thing I've ever worked for - and pretty darn close to one of the sweetest people I know - and I stressed horribly over dumping this on her. She wasn't happy, and she dealt with it after I left one day. I have no idea how that went, or what was said. The bane has been fairly standoffish - not rude, and not open about it, but just avoiding. I'm ok with that. totally.

also going on is the DH took a new job with in his company. Not really a promotion - since he is taking a pay cut to do it - but it is a job he really wanted to do, so *sigh* I'm dealing with the lesser income. it isn't huge.. and now that I don't have a car payment any more it should pretty much even out, but DH isn't the most fiscally responsible person on the face of the planet, and he constantly runs out of money despite having enough to pay the bills. $10 here for lunch, etc. I've bailed him out of way too many debts, that I keep threatening to take over the bills. I don't really want to know the cost of electricity.. I know it will make me even more of a nag than I am now. I fear I am going to have to anyway. He isn't going to like it one bit... but at least I know that we'll be able to retire one day.

I have been having some weird dreams lately too. One I was a CSR at a large superstore. There were two levels of check out areas. One on ground level the other up a set of stairs. Everyone wanted to go up the stairs to check out, despite their not being any better than the ones they could just walk up to. Even people not physically capable of getting up the stairs wanted to go. Then last night I dreamed I was at a roller skating rink.. I was given the oddest skates, and it took me a while to be able to stand up on them, but shortly I was doing some intermediate style tricks. then there was a cat who had some sort of hole in it that was bleeding profusely. It was all black - and not one I recognized. I was so disturbed I woke up. There was another one where I was a teacher of some sort. I remember that I wanted to remember it, but I've forgotten it.. :(

Then there is the trip we are taking. DH is being sent to AZ for training. So we are making a jaunt out to San Diego (don't ask.. he wants to go) to go to the zoo and the beach, and then driving to AZ (again, don't ask) I am dreading and looking forward to this at the same time. I don't travel well at all, and I hate leaving my kitties and my house, and all my stuff.. but there are some stores out there that I really have wanted to shop in, so *shrug* and the fact that it should be nice and warm.. which will be nice.

Lets see.. anything else. We are going to adopt Tilly... so we are back to six cats. she is too freakin cute for our own good.. I hope she stays that way and doesn't turn into hell spawn. Her addition to the fold has caused some problems in the house, but just a few spats.. hopefully they will die down soon.

Well I think that is everything for now..

:)

well so much for day one...

lately - ok for the past three weeks - I have been tired, achy, miserable, etc.. so this morning I made a deal with myself.. I would give myself a 1 week break from exercising (since it wasn't helping) and all I needed to do was think positive happy thoughts when I felt myself being miserable.

so my positive happy thoughts were litteral.."Positive - happy thoughts.. " honestly. But it kept me from being too miserable.

now at 4pm in the afternoon of a work day that ends at 6pm, the baine of my existance brings work to me. Work that she expects ME to do for her... cause she is to *bleep*'n lazy to re-wright on the order form. she wants me to cull the information SHE has already been given and deemed appropriate and necessary, and she doesn't want to re-write it so all I have to do is transcribe it (WHICH IS MY JOB!!) I've already talked this over with my boss, and she agrees with me. well the baine has decided to wait till my boss (and the second in command) are both out to attack me and INSIST that I cull this *bleep*'n information from the invoice requests.. I tried explaining nicely that she should talk to the boss about this, and that it wasn't my job to cull this information out that she's already deemed important, and she basically said "I'm too lazy to re-write it all out for you".

well EXCUSE ME! you lazy *beep* *Beep* *BEEP!!!!* So now I have to do four times the work and HOPE that I did it right, when IT IS NOT MY BLEEPIN JOB!!

I don't think so.

I don't know what to do since my boss isn't here, and won't be here till the 17th (of course the baine is going to be gone that week) do I do the invoicing and shut up about it, or do I hold off, or do I do it, but then bring it all to my boss's attention?? arrrgh

positive
happy
friggen
thoughts..