tripped

These past few weeks I've been fighting my allergies and some other internal issue that makes me tired.. achingly tired. Dr gave me drugs for the tiredness. they seemed to work, but I'm leary of taking them, so I stopped, and the ache came back. So I took it last night, and yet still couldn't get to sleep.

Probably because I've decided to get back on the diet bandwagon and buckle myself in. I've been maintaining at around 185 for a long time, but I've edged up to 189, so I've decided I want to get into the 170s, and this seemed like a good time to do it. Well I forgot that if I am 100% on plan, with my high protein evening snack, my body is wired and won't go to sleep. So last night I had to have some bread and then I had some cookies to try to calm my body down. I also couldn't get comfortable, so I went to sleep on the couch, which was also uncomfortable, but at least I didn't have to listen to my h snore all night long.

so tonight I'm going to get some melitin (SP! arrgh) to try to help me make seritonin (more sp - can you tell I'm tired??) so I can sleep with out going too far off my diet. I'm going to move my high protein desert to my afternoon snack, and move my afternoon snack of fruit and protein (yogurt) to the night because it is higher in carbs *crosses fingers this works*

I'm also having a very hard time exercising because of my allergies. My lungs are full of mucus, and it is hard to breathe when I exert myself.

so I'm tired, I'm food deprived (ok not really but still) and I'm aching, but despite all that I wasn't doing too bad this morning emotional wise. I just went outside and got the mail for work, and some how between there and here I tripped and fell into the pit of dispair. Now I feel horrid, blue, heck black and blue, smushed on the floor. don't even feel worth while to pick myself up.. *sigh* I know this is the chemicals speaking (or beating as the case may be) and that I just need to get through this.. but oh how black it is before the dawn..


amazing how sometimes just writing this crap down actually gets it out of my head. I've been telling myself for 20 minutes this is nothing, it's just chemical, but I've still been awash in pain. but now, after proof reading the post (what's the point, i'm horribly spelling impaired when I'm tired) I can feel a bit of a lift.. like a little bit of the smoke/smog has cleared.

Do you know what I really hate

That the minute you say you suffer from mental issues or depression, some people take you less seriously. They throw those words or phrases back in your face.

it takes a lot of courage to say it out loud.

and it is so damning when you throw it around like it is just a frisbee, or worse arrows to try to belittle me..

but honestly, all you are doing is showing how little and petty and insensitive you are. Overcompensating much??

Do not dismiss something going on with someone simply because once they said they had some sort of mental issue.

and honestly, if you have never experienced depression, get down on your knees and thank your lucky stars, because it is so dark, and so deep.. you couldn't possibly understand. I am thankful that my depression is short and tolerable (for the most part)

*lest you think this is about me, this time it isn't. it is about another woman on another board.. and some crap that she is going through after admitting a while ago she has issues.. *