6.27.2008
6.25.2008
My 37th Birthday
ugh.. I'm 37! I don't like that number at all. Don't know why. I didn't mind 36 at all.
Let's see.. My birthday. I suppose I should be used to this by now, but it wasn't the dream that I hoped it would be. I need to stop living in a disney fairytale..
We went into Boston. I wanted to go to the Health Expo. I was VERY disappointed by it. I wanted to investigate a bunch of things, and visit the Wellness pet booth who was giving out samples. Well they were out of samples, and every single booth had a line of at least 10 deep. Some of the booths I would have been very interested in looking at had 30 people deep. I did NOT want to sit around for that. That and the people were incredibly rude.. so after walking through to see if anything jumped out at us as worth it, we left.
We then walked around Boston for a while. Went to Quincy Market.. which hasn't pulled at me since I was in junior high school. we used to go on feild trips, and LOVED it.. but back then it was a whole different vibe.. it was a haven for kids. Now it is all for the upper crust. Expensive boutiques (or chain stores) and stuff that just did not interest me. I did buy a jade turtle necklace for $2.00 which is more my style.
We then went over to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse (I'll never understand that posessive, even though it was explained on the website) sadly, my steak was not as tender and yummy as it could have been. They butterflied it to ensure it was cooked (I am cursed when going to restaurants and my meal is ALWAYS wrong) as I had mentioned to the waiter to make sure it was cooked right .. (my father has the same curse.. ) and there was an insect in the napkin the bread came in. Maybe I'm just too picky, but it bothers me that I can't have an amazing dining experience.
I wore the dress I bought at Coldwater Creek recently. They were having a very good sale, and the dress was rediculously cheap ($15 I think down from $89) and I bought it because it was beautiful and looked good on me, but I figured I would never wear it because it is very fancy. But a $200 meal calls for a fancy dress :D I was over dressed, but there was a bridal party there in full gown, so I wasn't THAT over dressed :) a lot of the staff gave me complements on the dress.
We then drove home... that was Saturday.. Sunday - my actual birthday was spent in bed. Ok so I got dressed for a bit and ran to the shelter for supplies, but then I got home and got back into jammies, curled up with my laptop and remote and cleared off the TIVO. DH dropped the ball on the birthday gift department. Said he planned on getting me a wii fit. Well he didn't.. but he didn't get anything else instead. Still hasn't followed through on the "massage" he said he'd buy me for valentines day. I threw away the "i owe you" cause I knew he never would. He asked me why I threw it away, and I told him. He asked me if I wanted him to set it up, and I said of course.. and you can see how that goes.
I shouldn't bitch. My DH is good to me. He takes care of me, and does a great deal of the house hold chores. he just REALLY sucks in the gift giving department.
REALLY sucks..
to the point I guess I'm not going out of my way for gifts for him any more..
Its just sad.. especially since I'm constantly bitching about how my mother has always lacked in the gift giving department and how much that hurts me.
and it isn't like he's going out of his way to find me a wii fit either. when he thinks about it, if he's already in a store, he might look to see if they have one.. *sigh* guess I'm going to have to buy my own presents..
I suppose I really should have a talk to him about this, but probably not any time soon.
I also emailed my sister since her birthday is the day after, and she seemed a little defensive. Maybe I'm just reading into things too much. But her life goes on and she totally refuses to include me in it. Doesn't send (email, call nothing) thank yous when I send the boys gifts, doesn't let me know when big events come up (she got her doctorate and didn't mention it. her husband just graduated from college as the commensment speaker and I saw it on TV.. nothing from her) It isn't like I don't try, I email her and send cards and gifts from time to time.. But I guess my inability to put up with my mother belitting me is too much for her too. *sigh*
Yes, I'm blue.. I should probably end this post..
Let's see.. My birthday. I suppose I should be used to this by now, but it wasn't the dream that I hoped it would be. I need to stop living in a disney fairytale..
We went into Boston. I wanted to go to the Health Expo. I was VERY disappointed by it. I wanted to investigate a bunch of things, and visit the Wellness pet booth who was giving out samples. Well they were out of samples, and every single booth had a line of at least 10 deep. Some of the booths I would have been very interested in looking at had 30 people deep. I did NOT want to sit around for that. That and the people were incredibly rude.. so after walking through to see if anything jumped out at us as worth it, we left.
We then walked around Boston for a while. Went to Quincy Market.. which hasn't pulled at me since I was in junior high school. we used to go on feild trips, and LOVED it.. but back then it was a whole different vibe.. it was a haven for kids. Now it is all for the upper crust. Expensive boutiques (or chain stores) and stuff that just did not interest me. I did buy a jade turtle necklace for $2.00 which is more my style.
We then went over to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse (I'll never understand that posessive, even though it was explained on the website) sadly, my steak was not as tender and yummy as it could have been. They butterflied it to ensure it was cooked (I am cursed when going to restaurants and my meal is ALWAYS wrong) as I had mentioned to the waiter to make sure it was cooked right .. (my father has the same curse.. ) and there was an insect in the napkin the bread came in. Maybe I'm just too picky, but it bothers me that I can't have an amazing dining experience.
I wore the dress I bought at Coldwater Creek recently. They were having a very good sale, and the dress was rediculously cheap ($15 I think down from $89) and I bought it because it was beautiful and looked good on me, but I figured I would never wear it because it is very fancy. But a $200 meal calls for a fancy dress :D I was over dressed, but there was a bridal party there in full gown, so I wasn't THAT over dressed :) a lot of the staff gave me complements on the dress.
We then drove home... that was Saturday.. Sunday - my actual birthday was spent in bed. Ok so I got dressed for a bit and ran to the shelter for supplies, but then I got home and got back into jammies, curled up with my laptop and remote and cleared off the TIVO. DH dropped the ball on the birthday gift department. Said he planned on getting me a wii fit. Well he didn't.. but he didn't get anything else instead. Still hasn't followed through on the "massage" he said he'd buy me for valentines day. I threw away the "i owe you" cause I knew he never would. He asked me why I threw it away, and I told him. He asked me if I wanted him to set it up, and I said of course.. and you can see how that goes.
I shouldn't bitch. My DH is good to me. He takes care of me, and does a great deal of the house hold chores. he just REALLY sucks in the gift giving department.
REALLY sucks..
to the point I guess I'm not going out of my way for gifts for him any more..
Its just sad.. especially since I'm constantly bitching about how my mother has always lacked in the gift giving department and how much that hurts me.
and it isn't like he's going out of his way to find me a wii fit either. when he thinks about it, if he's already in a store, he might look to see if they have one.. *sigh* guess I'm going to have to buy my own presents..
I suppose I really should have a talk to him about this, but probably not any time soon.
I also emailed my sister since her birthday is the day after, and she seemed a little defensive. Maybe I'm just reading into things too much. But her life goes on and she totally refuses to include me in it. Doesn't send (email, call nothing) thank yous when I send the boys gifts, doesn't let me know when big events come up (she got her doctorate and didn't mention it. her husband just graduated from college as the commensment speaker and I saw it on TV.. nothing from her) It isn't like I don't try, I email her and send cards and gifts from time to time.. But I guess my inability to put up with my mother belitting me is too much for her too. *sigh*
Yes, I'm blue.. I should probably end this post..
blue
Well I'm blue again. I'm forcing myself to go through life, but man I REALLY REALLY don't want to. I want to go home, crawl in bed, eat a sleeve of cookies, a pint no, make that a gallon of ice cream, and watch tv.
*sigh*
I hate when I get like this. It isn't like there is anything to be blue about.. Ok I had to give back some of my foster kittens, but frankly I really wanted to, they were overwhelming me. Doesn't make it any less sad.
And I did gain about five pounds with birthday eating.. but it was worth it, and it is starting to come off.
arrrgh!
I hate admitting I'm blue, cause some how it makes me feel like I'm 'less than' I don't measure up if I can't control my emotions. I know that is the depression talking but it totally doesn't help.
*sigh* I wish it would just go away...
I just totally feel like sobbing
*sigh*
I hate when I get like this. It isn't like there is anything to be blue about.. Ok I had to give back some of my foster kittens, but frankly I really wanted to, they were overwhelming me. Doesn't make it any less sad.
And I did gain about five pounds with birthday eating.. but it was worth it, and it is starting to come off.
arrrgh!
I hate admitting I'm blue, cause some how it makes me feel like I'm 'less than' I don't measure up if I can't control my emotions. I know that is the depression talking but it totally doesn't help.
*sigh* I wish it would just go away...
I just totally feel like sobbing
6.19.2008
184.5
well that is something. After being awake for all but two hours earlier in the week (I HATE it when I can't sleep) I actually got up to 190. what is it about not sleeping that causes my weight to skyrocket like that?? took four days to come back down to pre-nosleep levels. I decided to stick to the NS plan, and got down under 185 for the first time in a while.. and of course I'm stuck there *sigh* but I do have an appointment with a nutritionist, so we'll see.
My birthday is Sunday.. this should be an interesting weekend.. DH has nothing planned apparently. Like I want to plan my entire birthday.. *sigh* hasn't he lived with me long enough that he would know that a lot of the time I just want things taken care of. and frankly he should know.. he's asked what I wanted to do, and I've pretty much told him but my husband suffers from "I-know-what-you-are-saying-itis" he hears half of my sentace, and jumps to the conclusion about what the rest of the sentance is going to be so he ignores it. I can't tell you how many times lately I've wanted to smack him up side the head when he only does half of the instructions I've given him. I'm like, well you did a and b, that's great, but what about d, e, f?? Him: "what? you never said that" me: Um.. I said it, but YOU WEREN'T LISTENING!! arrrgh! sometimes (ok who am I kidding - most times) he just agrevates the living crap out of me. But he is honestly trying, and that gives him a lot of leeway..
I went and saw my father last friday. brought him a card and a flowering plant. was going to bring him flowers, but I'm SHOCKED at the cost of a bouquet of flowers.. $70! for a small vase. Now granted, they were beautiful, but for something that will barely last a week, I couldn't do it. So for $40 (which is about $25 more than I'd spend on something like this for me) I got him a nice hanging basket of petunias. they were VERY full (2x as full as you can get at a discount store) and were a pretty unique varity. I visited with him for a while. He looks really good. Last summer when I saw him at the party he was gaunt again. Granted it may be healthier for him to weigh less, but he looks horrid when he does.
My birthday is Sunday.. this should be an interesting weekend.. DH has nothing planned apparently. Like I want to plan my entire birthday.. *sigh* hasn't he lived with me long enough that he would know that a lot of the time I just want things taken care of. and frankly he should know.. he's asked what I wanted to do, and I've pretty much told him but my husband suffers from "I-know-what-you-are-saying-itis" he hears half of my sentace, and jumps to the conclusion about what the rest of the sentance is going to be so he ignores it. I can't tell you how many times lately I've wanted to smack him up side the head when he only does half of the instructions I've given him. I'm like, well you did a and b, that's great, but what about d, e, f?? Him: "what? you never said that" me: Um.. I said it, but YOU WEREN'T LISTENING!! arrrgh! sometimes (ok who am I kidding - most times) he just agrevates the living crap out of me. But he is honestly trying, and that gives him a lot of leeway..
I went and saw my father last friday. brought him a card and a flowering plant. was going to bring him flowers, but I'm SHOCKED at the cost of a bouquet of flowers.. $70! for a small vase. Now granted, they were beautiful, but for something that will barely last a week, I couldn't do it. So for $40 (which is about $25 more than I'd spend on something like this for me) I got him a nice hanging basket of petunias. they were VERY full (2x as full as you can get at a discount store) and were a pretty unique varity. I visited with him for a while. He looks really good. Last summer when I saw him at the party he was gaunt again. Granted it may be healthier for him to weigh less, but he looks horrid when he does.
6.04.2008
want to cry.. or maybe scream..
Ok, I don't know if I have ever admitted this on this blog, but I do NOT make phone calls. I do not talk on the phone well unless I am talking for work. Work calls I can make all day long, but ask me to call my DR, or even a salon to make an appointment, I run the other way.
Which is one of the reasons I love the internet so much. Allows me to keep in touch with friends with out calling them. Allows me to contact business to get information and the such.
Well one thing that gets me every single time is a business with a web presence that REFUSES to do business via email. Why on earth do they even post an email address if they don't want to do business that way. Nothing makes me more frustrated than to think through writing an email, and get a response that says "please call us for help with that issue"
Um.. if I wanted to call I would have done it in the first place you idiot!!
I just ran into this with another company. I'm not going to bash the company openly (yet) because frankly they aren't the only ones. I wrote an email with several questions, making it very obvious that I was very interested in their product.
I had one question answered - badly. It did not cover nearly enough information. my three others were totally ignored.
So I wrote back. I called him on the ignoring of my questions, and asked for clarification of the anwered question.
I got another email saying "Oh I'm sorry I didn't fully answer your email, but we are so swamped here.. I was being breif" then he answered the question I called them on ignoring (at least I'm assuming it was male. I don't think a woman would do this, but I could be wrong) and he completely ignored the question I wanted clarification on!!!
So I wrote back, slamming him for his total lack of understanding of customer service, how each and every single email is a potential sale, and how I as someone who has expressed extreme interest in the product could have potentially been an extremely valuable client.. Slammed him for once again ignoring my questions, and citing the fact that customer service is extremely important to me, and I would have to find another company who was willing to provide it.
Now I'm either going to be ignored, or I'm going to get another apology (possibly ignoring my questions again) or maybe I'll be lucky and get it escalated up to someone who'll take the time to read the emails and actually help me out - but I'm not holding my breath for that one. That would require that someone actually cared. Maybe they do.. who knows.. but in this day and age of customer dis-service, I'm not going to hold my breath..
which is a shame.. cause while I can create this product myself, I just really don't wanna, and was willing to pay twice what it costs me to produce myself so I didn't have to. Sigh
I hate confrentation.. hence the crying
I hate the lack of CS skills in this world.. hence the crying
I hate dealing with people who are so frustrating!! hence the screaming
and part of me fears that I'll get an email back that is rude and bashing me.. Which makes me very uncomfortable.. Sigh.. I just really don't have the balls to be a bitch
Which is one of the reasons I love the internet so much. Allows me to keep in touch with friends with out calling them. Allows me to contact business to get information and the such.
Well one thing that gets me every single time is a business with a web presence that REFUSES to do business via email. Why on earth do they even post an email address if they don't want to do business that way. Nothing makes me more frustrated than to think through writing an email, and get a response that says "please call us for help with that issue"
Um.. if I wanted to call I would have done it in the first place you idiot!!
I just ran into this with another company. I'm not going to bash the company openly (yet) because frankly they aren't the only ones. I wrote an email with several questions, making it very obvious that I was very interested in their product.
I had one question answered - badly. It did not cover nearly enough information. my three others were totally ignored.
So I wrote back. I called him on the ignoring of my questions, and asked for clarification of the anwered question.
I got another email saying "Oh I'm sorry I didn't fully answer your email, but we are so swamped here.. I was being breif" then he answered the question I called them on ignoring (at least I'm assuming it was male. I don't think a woman would do this, but I could be wrong) and he completely ignored the question I wanted clarification on!!!
So I wrote back, slamming him for his total lack of understanding of customer service, how each and every single email is a potential sale, and how I as someone who has expressed extreme interest in the product could have potentially been an extremely valuable client.. Slammed him for once again ignoring my questions, and citing the fact that customer service is extremely important to me, and I would have to find another company who was willing to provide it.
Now I'm either going to be ignored, or I'm going to get another apology (possibly ignoring my questions again) or maybe I'll be lucky and get it escalated up to someone who'll take the time to read the emails and actually help me out - but I'm not holding my breath for that one. That would require that someone actually cared. Maybe they do.. who knows.. but in this day and age of customer dis-service, I'm not going to hold my breath..
which is a shame.. cause while I can create this product myself, I just really don't wanna, and was willing to pay twice what it costs me to produce myself so I didn't have to. Sigh
I hate confrentation.. hence the crying
I hate the lack of CS skills in this world.. hence the crying
I hate dealing with people who are so frustrating!! hence the screaming
and part of me fears that I'll get an email back that is rude and bashing me.. Which makes me very uncomfortable.. Sigh.. I just really don't have the balls to be a bitch
6.02.2008
185
Well this is interesting.. June 2nd my weight goes up. Odd thing is it was 187 when I woke up, and was 185 about an hour later.. although I'm not sure if it went up or not, as I did have a little bit of food.. *shrug*
What is even odder, is that according to my food diary, I consumed a net total calories of 954 due to all the walking I did going to a local festivle and I've been convinced that I'm actually not eating nearly enough for my body to feel comfortable letting go of fat.
I have realized I am starting to make a shift in the way I perceive my body. Just the other day I thought my tummy was "flat" (ok there is a new definition of flat in my book, but at least I had a positive word to use about my belly) and my legs seem "slim" (see flat) this is huge for me.. I'm still hugely annoyed with my upper belly and my upper arms, but one step at a time..
on a little side note, every year I post about "the day the trees turn" There always has been a day where it rains and rains, and when the sun comes out all of the trees have turned, and their leaves are out, and everything looks very lush and beautiful. I am always amazed when I look back that it is very late in the spring that it happens, but this year it just seemed to refuse to happen. not that the leaves didn't come out, but that we just didn't get the huge storm. There were quite a few little storms, a few rain showers, but nothing big. We did have a huge storm over the weekend, and things do seem to be a bit lusher than before, but where all the leaves were pretty much already out, it was anti-climactic.
as as a follow up to the post about my dreams and my rant about why couldn't I dream about puppies.. well I had a dream about getting a dog.. a bull dog of all breeds.. *rolls eyes* at the time I thought I should get a dog that looks a bit more like a cat, but I was taking what was available - which frankly is the WORST thing you can do when it comes to picking out a dog.. I woke up mad at myself for settling.
And I also wanted to post a non-scale victory.. although I don't know if I want to actually call it a victory. NSVs are things to remind you that you are losing weight and keep you motivated.. well it reminds me I am loosing weight all right.. although I'm not sure it is making me all that much more motivated to lose more. See I've lost like every ounce of fat in my hands and feet. so much so I see every single vein, and I HATE IT!! it just grosses me out to no end.. but worse than that, is now when I type, I have a really odd sensation in my right hand.. in the middle of the back of my hand, between where my middle and ring fingers. it is quite jaring.. kind of like those vibrating massagers.. its kinda icky.. which makes me pay attention to my hands, which makes me see the veins.. and I'm all grossed out again.. I think I get the same sort of thing on my left foot as that hurts on and off.. oh if only I could take the fat from my arms and chest area and stick it in the back of my hands!! (yes, I'm rational, most of the time)
Lastly, I've started playing the game "Zoo Tycoon" and while it annoys me a bit, I'm totally hooked. I get so excited when my 'animals' give birth!! its silly, but it amuses me. I love it when the witch flys by, and then Santa.. I'm through most of the beginner tutorials, just need to do the forest one, and I'll have unlocked the intermediate ones.. or I suppose I could just start a free form zoo.. not quite sure how I'll do with that.. but I do like watching the zoo improve over time, have higher attendance, need to hire more matience workers to pick up the trash on the floor, etc. I'm normally not a computer game person, because the challenges usually go beyond my abilities, and it just frustrates me.. and if the challenges don't go beyond my ability, then it is a kids game, and I'm done it in a couple of hours and I'm finished it. so this is good.
What is even odder, is that according to my food diary, I consumed a net total calories of 954 due to all the walking I did going to a local festivle and I've been convinced that I'm actually not eating nearly enough for my body to feel comfortable letting go of fat.
I have realized I am starting to make a shift in the way I perceive my body. Just the other day I thought my tummy was "flat" (ok there is a new definition of flat in my book, but at least I had a positive word to use about my belly) and my legs seem "slim" (see flat) this is huge for me.. I'm still hugely annoyed with my upper belly and my upper arms, but one step at a time..
on a little side note, every year I post about "the day the trees turn" There always has been a day where it rains and rains, and when the sun comes out all of the trees have turned, and their leaves are out, and everything looks very lush and beautiful. I am always amazed when I look back that it is very late in the spring that it happens, but this year it just seemed to refuse to happen. not that the leaves didn't come out, but that we just didn't get the huge storm. There were quite a few little storms, a few rain showers, but nothing big. We did have a huge storm over the weekend, and things do seem to be a bit lusher than before, but where all the leaves were pretty much already out, it was anti-climactic.
as as a follow up to the post about my dreams and my rant about why couldn't I dream about puppies.. well I had a dream about getting a dog.. a bull dog of all breeds.. *rolls eyes* at the time I thought I should get a dog that looks a bit more like a cat, but I was taking what was available - which frankly is the WORST thing you can do when it comes to picking out a dog.. I woke up mad at myself for settling.
And I also wanted to post a non-scale victory.. although I don't know if I want to actually call it a victory. NSVs are things to remind you that you are losing weight and keep you motivated.. well it reminds me I am loosing weight all right.. although I'm not sure it is making me all that much more motivated to lose more. See I've lost like every ounce of fat in my hands and feet. so much so I see every single vein, and I HATE IT!! it just grosses me out to no end.. but worse than that, is now when I type, I have a really odd sensation in my right hand.. in the middle of the back of my hand, between where my middle and ring fingers. it is quite jaring.. kind of like those vibrating massagers.. its kinda icky.. which makes me pay attention to my hands, which makes me see the veins.. and I'm all grossed out again.. I think I get the same sort of thing on my left foot as that hurts on and off.. oh if only I could take the fat from my arms and chest area and stick it in the back of my hands!! (yes, I'm rational, most of the time)
Lastly, I've started playing the game "Zoo Tycoon" and while it annoys me a bit, I'm totally hooked. I get so excited when my 'animals' give birth!! its silly, but it amuses me. I love it when the witch flys by, and then Santa.. I'm through most of the beginner tutorials, just need to do the forest one, and I'll have unlocked the intermediate ones.. or I suppose I could just start a free form zoo.. not quite sure how I'll do with that.. but I do like watching the zoo improve over time, have higher attendance, need to hire more matience workers to pick up the trash on the floor, etc. I'm normally not a computer game person, because the challenges usually go beyond my abilities, and it just frustrates me.. and if the challenges don't go beyond my ability, then it is a kids game, and I'm done it in a couple of hours and I'm finished it. so this is good.
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