ow.. ow ow ow

Well what a way to end the year. But then again, I bet if I go back through out the ages, you'll find each of my end years sucked.. they always seem to.

This year I was going to hide out, watch tv, surf the net, play with kittens.. well instead I'm suffering through some horrid stomach pains.. reminds me of those I used to get when I flew..

they come and go.. fortunately - or unfortunately as you might want to look at it. I might be able to get used to a steady pain. They seem to be getting worse too. Eating a cookie didn't help it.. nor did eating some low fat cheese and deli meat (turkey)

Sigh.

Merry 2008-2009

dreams & Christmas

well once again I'm sitting here wishing I could remember all the dreams I had recently.. cause they were kinda interesting.

One I do remember was I was in a classroom - I'm thinking highschoolish - the teacher, thinking he was being obnoxiously clever, put up a drawing of an animal with some really weird and obscure name that couldn't possibly be spelt the way it was prounounced and asked us to spell it.

I knew I never could, so I started browsing through a flip chart of some sort that I had. Well I found the photo, and the spelling, so I said I could do it, and went up and started writing it on the chalk board. Well the teacher decided to change the rules so I would be wrong.

Oddly enough, it feels very much like the story of my life :)

anyway.

Christmas was interesting. DH got me things I don't want / don't need. He got me a GPS for goodness sakes. Now don't get me wrong, I love the things, but *I do not drive anywhere* I go back and forth to work and occasionally up to the mall. I think in the two years since he's had his, I've borrowed it twice.

he got me two different electronic photo frames.. one for my desk and one for my key ring. *shrug* I love my kitties and all, but I do not want to be known as the crazy cat lady..

he got me another set of 1000 tc sheets too. Nice and all, but he doesn't like the sheets we do have (1200 tc) so why would he buy another set?? a nice expensive set of flannels might have been a better choice.. but alas, since I don't even know what I want, how can I expect him to come up with *the perfect gift*

Every year I swear I'm going to start a wish list.. I think this will be the year..

I gained a few pounds for Christmas. Up to 194. So I'm on my diet again, and I'm so very hungry. actually I don't believe for a second my stomach is asking for food. I know it is my brain but it FEELS like my stomach.. friggen annoying.

My boss is closing up shop early today.. which is good - as it is DEAD here.. I think I'll go home and work out again..

Merry Christmas

Bah Humbug..

I like Christmas, don't get me wrong. What I don't like is all the pressure. All the hoopla and all the .. well frankly crap, that goes along with Christmas.

See, I spent most of my life getting presents that were duplicates that were picked out for my sister. getting gifts that have nothing to do with you over and over and over is pretty disheartening, and no matter how many times I told my mother to not even bother, I still got junk. What a waste of money. and time and energy.. not only the gift giver for having spent the time and energy to buy it, but mine for having to pretend it was "thoughtful' of the person to buy it for me.

now if they honestly thought I'd like it that is one thing, but I do not carry a purse. I've tried, but I'm always scared I'm going to leave it behind, so I just don't. but year after year I get purses. I also do not travel, I hate it. I do not wear make up, I'm allergic to it. So I got a collection of travel make up cases.. *sigh* yes, I'm probably going to bitch about that one until my mother apologizes, which means for the rest of my life.

I guess the real problem is that I don't know what I do want.. I mean other than 10s and 20s and real estate.. I buy what I need, and I generally do with what I have. I do want a few really extravagant things, but I don't really NEED them, and frankly they'd probably just take up space in my life and collect dust. Food is out because I've been on a diet for so long I forgot what bread tastes like. perfume, allergic. make up, allergic. Jewelery - don't wear much because the kittens chew on it. there is only so much clothing I need, and I'm trying to hold off on that for now because I want to have plastic surgery to correct a few flaws. I guess cat toys are always good - but honestly I have an entire Christmas tree of cat toys and a basket besides. I feed raw food, so even cat food is out (cause who wants to wrap up a whole chicken?)

I guess what I really want is to know that you ACTUALLY thought of me. This year my sister sent me a gift. in the past I've gotten flowers (nice yes, but oh so temporary) gaudy vases, a festival pitcher, and a few other trinkets that sit in my basement waiting to be re-gifted. This time she bought me herbs and seasonings that are to be made into salad dressings and dips. I was extremely touched.

Now my SIL - although I haven't gotten a gift yet cause she didn't show up to the party - I'm sure got me the most generic gift imaginable..

I'm hoping Im wrong.

I'm just glad I've still got hope.

Merry Christmas.

a realization

I think I now know why I have six (seven?) cats..

I got an email from a friend I had lost touch with. He is a really sweet guy, but kind of a stray.. you know those guys on the fringe of things.. then I got to thinking, a lot of my friends in school were like that. Heck, I was like that.

When school ended, we all lost touch. understandable, none of us much liked school..

I was known as the "councilor" if someone had a problem, I could usually offer advise on how to settle it.. too many times people joked that I should get paid for it..

I rescued friends.. now I rescue cats..


um.. is that a good thing or does this just make me pathetic??

no power = bad diet

Pretty hard to want to eat healty when you have no power. Something about not being able to switch on a light turns me into a 2yr old. oh it wasn't pretty. we lost power Thursday, and I woke up shivering. no power at work Friday either, so it wasn't like I could hide out there. I ended up going to the library (they have net access) for a while.

but anyway, it wasn't like I wanted to eat brocolli while I'm cold and useles.. so I ate cookies and fudge and more cookies.. and I read four books..

now I have power, and my clothes barely fit. *sigh* Curse this silly diet.. and curse my clothes that have little give..

tired again

Well so much for posting daily. I've been on line daily, but I generally just check my email and a few small other things and get off. I've just been so tired again lately. All I want to do is lay in bed and read and watch TV and snuggle with my kitties. *sigh* I thought I was doing so much better.. heck I probably was doing so much better..

weight has stablized at 192 grrr. Why couldn't it stablize at 189?? probably cause I'd eat a few extra cookies. What's really annoying is my scale reads 191 for half a second before jumping up to 192 or 192.5 just likes to yank my chain.. I swear all scales are evil pranksters..

bummer!

I have always wanted a kitchenaid mixer. always.

however, I don't bake with any sort of frequency, and so there is really no need for one. want yes, need no. and the frugal part of my brain won't let me add another piece of equitment in the house (especially one that costs hundreds of dollars) to sit and take up space.

So this year when Amazon did their "vote on deals" thingie they do each year, I drooled as I voted on the licorice mixer they had up. $499 mixer they were gonna sell for $69!!! now $69 is still a chunk of change, and it is still going to sit in my house, but I wanted one, and I was only voting, I wasn't actually buying..

Well this year I actually got an invite to participate in buying ON THAT ROUND!!

so I sat at work waiting for the clock to count down, and I clicked on the buy it now the second I saw it, *sigh* yup, you know where this is going (hence the title being bummer not yahoo!) I missed it.

:(

it is probably a good thing, cause seriously, I don't need it.. I want it..

Gift wrapping was a bust

You know, I've always wanted to go wrap gifts for charity. I love gift wrapping, but when I do it at home it is a chore because I HAVE to do it. I hate doing things I HAVE to do.

So when the shelter had the opportunity to go wrap presents at Borders for donations, I signed up. I took the day off, and went up.

I wrapped one book - and she didn't even pay!

Three people made donations, for a total of $7.00

I was stuck in the back, and no one really saw me that were there to buy. The people that saw me were the people who were reading in the cafe.. it was sad.

December 2nd

hey, look, two days in a row. You think I can post every day this month? probably not.

I had some weird dreams last night, very mundane stuff - which in and of itself is pretty weird, but for once I actually dreamed in real time. I was in my bedroom, and since we put a new duvet on the bed last night, I knew I was dreaming about real time. what is really annoying is when I wake up I think, wow - how facinating to dream about x, y and z.. so I go through the sequence of the dream several times trying to remember it, and most of the time by the time I get to a computer I don't have the foggiest what happened.

but, new duvet on the bed.. I LOVE it. makes the bed oh so cozy. I wish I would never have to leave it.

I've also got a killer headache this morning too. Already took a caffine tablet, and some headache medicine, and I still can't seem to focus on anything other than the pressure in my head. Probably because it is on the same side of my face that I've been having sinus issues. I've been waking up to very bloody nasal discharge (not nose bleeds, but blowing my nose and ending up with a bloody tissue) and very soar throats - which I'm assuming is from post nasal drip. I decided I was going to give it a week and if I still had issues i was going to go to my doctor (because I remember this same sequence of events from previous years) well the bloody discharge has stopped.. *crosses fingers the throat feels better soon cause it really friggen hurts*

i'm completely unmotivated at work. *sigh* I almost wish I had a job I HAD to get done.. because I haven't done diddly for a day and a half now. I mean it is great and all, but when you HAVE to do something, you get it done.. Although I'm running out of silly stuff to waste time with, and all I've got left is work - which I'm actually reluctant to do because of this headache..

my weight is pretty much stuck at 191 and I've decided to stop caring. My goal is to exercise daily and keep my caloric intake down. If I do that, I'm going to be happy with what ever my weight does. Although I do wish it would settle at around 185 - because some of my pants are a little tight.. (ok fine, I wish it would settle at 155.. but I'm dreaming)

confused

Ok, so all the talk over the news is about Clinton becoming Secretary of State. The talk is how much her husband is going to have to give up or curtail.

Now I'm confused. She was running for POTUS.. and she almost made it. Why did none of this come up when she was applying for that job, but this job is apparently much more picky.

does that confuse anyone else??