Ok, so now it has been five days that I have been at 203. According to my calculations, I have burned 4000 calories..
< sarcasm>I so love my body.. </sarcasm>
Now I will admit that I have had a few sugary things in the past few days, but 100 calories of low fat ice cream and half a whoopie pie (what, 200 calories?) should NOT prevent the 4000 deficit from showing up!!! what about stupid calories in calories out rule?? I should be able to eat 1200 calories of whoopie pies and be losing weight if I'm burning more than 1200 calories a day!! SHOULDN'T I!!!
*deep breaths*
it will come off.. it will come off.. do not let the lying prank pulling scale tell you that you aren't doing a good job, you are..
10.15.2009
10.13.2009
Salads
OMG a post not about my weight!!lol
so I just finished my lunch salad, and thought Id share.
Every Sunday, I go to the grocery store and buy a bag of romaine lettuce hearts, a red pepper, an onion and a cucumber. Recently I have started adding a bag of young spinach to that as well. I use half the bag one week, the other half the next.
I have five 4 cup tupperware containers, and I slice a romaine heart in half, and chop that up for each container (one left over for my rabbit, or spread over the five containers if the hearts were small) one red pepper gets chopped up among the five. I've been buying european cucumbers lately and one does nicely to all five. Half a medium onion works. I prefer sweet onions as I've just learned. I can eat a lot more sweet onion than I can a regular or red one.
Dressing: well now this one is always tricky. I try to find a dressing that is low in calories and absent of any HFCS (because if I don't look and I get one with HFCS, I end up starving before the week is over). There are a few brands I've tried recently that I like, but they are all rather expensive. I had previously bought a bottle of balsamic vinegar - the good stuff - and mixed that with a dash of olive oil and some salt, and that was quite good. when that bottle ran out I couldn't find another bottle that was as thick and syrupy as it was. Even the "good stuff" that was expensive was watery. But the other day I found "balsamic cream" which is pretty tasty stuff. I brought the bottle to work, and use that as dressing with a little Murray River Australian Flake Salt.. yummo.
I remember when I thought there was NO WAY I was ever going to eat a salad with out goopy gobby salad dressing.. when one day I was with out salad, and I stopped at my local grocery store and concoctoed a fairly healthy salad with some dried cranberries on it. I forgot to grab dressing, and so I ended up eatting it dry. It was actually quite yummy.
So I recommend trying salad with nontraditional dressings - heck no dressing at all if you have a good combination of sweet and savory ingredients.. You never know, you might like it and it will just save you a few calories.
so I just finished my lunch salad, and thought Id share.
Every Sunday, I go to the grocery store and buy a bag of romaine lettuce hearts, a red pepper, an onion and a cucumber. Recently I have started adding a bag of young spinach to that as well. I use half the bag one week, the other half the next.
I have five 4 cup tupperware containers, and I slice a romaine heart in half, and chop that up for each container (one left over for my rabbit, or spread over the five containers if the hearts were small) one red pepper gets chopped up among the five. I've been buying european cucumbers lately and one does nicely to all five. Half a medium onion works. I prefer sweet onions as I've just learned. I can eat a lot more sweet onion than I can a regular or red one.
Dressing: well now this one is always tricky. I try to find a dressing that is low in calories and absent of any HFCS (because if I don't look and I get one with HFCS, I end up starving before the week is over). There are a few brands I've tried recently that I like, but they are all rather expensive. I had previously bought a bottle of balsamic vinegar - the good stuff - and mixed that with a dash of olive oil and some salt, and that was quite good. when that bottle ran out I couldn't find another bottle that was as thick and syrupy as it was. Even the "good stuff" that was expensive was watery. But the other day I found "balsamic cream" which is pretty tasty stuff. I brought the bottle to work, and use that as dressing with a little Murray River Australian Flake Salt.. yummo.
I remember when I thought there was NO WAY I was ever going to eat a salad with out goopy gobby salad dressing.. when one day I was with out salad, and I stopped at my local grocery store and concoctoed a fairly healthy salad with some dried cranberries on it. I forgot to grab dressing, and so I ended up eatting it dry. It was actually quite yummy.
So I recommend trying salad with nontraditional dressings - heck no dressing at all if you have a good combination of sweet and savory ingredients.. You never know, you might like it and it will just save you a few calories.
203
I has been 3 days at 203. I should NOT complain, and be happy, but according to my records of calories burned thanks to my gowearfit and my recording of what I eat, I am now down 3058 calories. There are only 3500 calories to a pound, so shouldn't I be 202.5??? *grumbles that weight loss is art and science, not just science* I know if I'm going to be upset by the scale I shouldn't get on it every day, but I don't have the fear and the dread of getting on the scale if I am on it every day - which far outweighs the grumbling of not losing weight for three silly days.
my boss and my co-worker are out of town, so I doubt I'll be doing much work at work today.. or tomorrow.. I have a part time co-worker in to fill in for them. She's wicked cute and sweet, but quiet so I'm pretty much left alone.
I wish I could do some online shopping, but my bill last month was over 1200 (thanks to new tires and a kitty operation) and I so very much need to get a dental done on another one of my kitties - but I think I'll wait on that until the first kitty has shown me he is actually on the mend.. It's waited a year and a half, I'm not stressed to do it, but it is out there. What I really want to buy is new clothes.. but what is the point of that if this is not the body I'm going to end up with? I mean if I need them (like I needed jeans recently) I'm all over that, but I have enough clothes to get by - no point is having excess if *hopefully* they won't fit in a few months. *knock wood*
I believe I really like my thyroid supplements. I haven't felt as run over lately. I wouldn't say I'm perky and full of energy... and I'm not 100% sure if it is the thyroid or the ribose, or both (I don't believe it is the ribose alone since I was taking that before and while it gave me energy I would often feel run over) I don't think I'll be re-ordering the other supplements I bought this time around. I'll probably regret it, but if I do, I can order more later. I'm still waiting for enough energy to get through the week AND the weekend..
my boss and my co-worker are out of town, so I doubt I'll be doing much work at work today.. or tomorrow.. I have a part time co-worker in to fill in for them. She's wicked cute and sweet, but quiet so I'm pretty much left alone.
I wish I could do some online shopping, but my bill last month was over 1200 (thanks to new tires and a kitty operation) and I so very much need to get a dental done on another one of my kitties - but I think I'll wait on that until the first kitty has shown me he is actually on the mend.. It's waited a year and a half, I'm not stressed to do it, but it is out there. What I really want to buy is new clothes.. but what is the point of that if this is not the body I'm going to end up with? I mean if I need them (like I needed jeans recently) I'm all over that, but I have enough clothes to get by - no point is having excess if *hopefully* they won't fit in a few months. *knock wood*
I believe I really like my thyroid supplements. I haven't felt as run over lately. I wouldn't say I'm perky and full of energy... and I'm not 100% sure if it is the thyroid or the ribose, or both (I don't believe it is the ribose alone since I was taking that before and while it gave me energy I would often feel run over) I don't think I'll be re-ordering the other supplements I bought this time around. I'll probably regret it, but if I do, I can order more later. I'm still waiting for enough energy to get through the week AND the weekend..
10.12.2009
203
I set a goal to burn 3000 calories yesterday. I burned 2700 - but I got seriously distracted, so I probably could have beat my goal if I had just stayed home. I also ate about 1000 calories (200 of that was half a whoopie pie) so I had a half decent day calorie burn wise. I rarely eat that few calories so I figure I'm ok. Annoyingly I weighed 203 at 6am, and again at 8am.. (usually I lose a pound during that hour) so maybe just maybe I'm at a little less (maybe I lose it at 8:30??) who knows.
I made said whoopie pies yesterday, and they came out surprisingly well. Lots of complements on them. I had half last night because I couldn't get to sleep (often the sugar crash helps me sleep) and I had two tiny bites this morning (because the co-workers split the one I brought in)
I made said whoopie pies yesterday, and they came out surprisingly well. Lots of complements on them. I had half last night because I couldn't get to sleep (often the sugar crash helps me sleep) and I had two tiny bites this morning (because the co-workers split the one I brought in)
10.09.2009
206.5 or 204.5.... hum.. I'll go with 204.5
well this was an interesting morning. I got up at some ungodly hour.. I mean the sun wasn't even up (although in New England in October, that isn't THAT early) and since I was starving and I hadn't eaten since 6pm the night before, I thought it would be OK to weigh.. yea.. right. So at 6am I weighed 206.5. My throat hurt, so I had a Fiber One 50 calorie yogurt and a few sips of a drink (because if I drink the whole thing before my official weigh in time I gain a pound or two - and yes, I know that a glass of water only weighs 8 oz.. don't ask me how it happens, I have no idea)
I was feeling miserable (throat hurt from my ears blocking up - again, don't ask) so I laid in bed till 8:30ish (I have to BE at work at 9) finally I convinced my cats it was time to get off me, and I went back in and weighed, and this time it was weird, it flashed several times between 206.5 and 207.5 and then settled on 204.5. Hun? what ever. So I jumped on the other scale to see what that said and it said 205, so I'll just take it.
Ok, so I've been at this weight since Oct 5. That isn't THAT bad, since it is only the 9th.. I have burned about 3000 calories, so you would think I would have let that stupid half pound go..
DH is out of town, so I plan on exercising quite a bit this weekend. Now if I can only keep my eating in line...
I was feeling miserable (throat hurt from my ears blocking up - again, don't ask) so I laid in bed till 8:30ish (I have to BE at work at 9) finally I convinced my cats it was time to get off me, and I went back in and weighed, and this time it was weird, it flashed several times between 206.5 and 207.5 and then settled on 204.5. Hun? what ever. So I jumped on the other scale to see what that said and it said 205, so I'll just take it.
Ok, so I've been at this weight since Oct 5. That isn't THAT bad, since it is only the 9th.. I have burned about 3000 calories, so you would think I would have let that stupid half pound go..
DH is out of town, so I plan on exercising quite a bit this weekend. Now if I can only keep my eating in line...
10.08.2009
204.5
Ok, this is seriously getting frustrating!! I'm thinking of adding my caloric count to this blog (i wonder if there is a widget for that), simply to watch how many calories I'm burning and show the pounds I'm not losing! There hasn't been a day this week when I wasn't under 500 calories, and most days it was up to 700+. So by now you'd think I would have lost SOMETHING!! (besides my sanity!)
I am going to try to go back to my "NO SWEETS" policy. the days that I was down at -500 calories I had a whoopie pie, or a couple of pieces of candy.. I can't imagine how having a little refined sugar could keep my body from letting go of weight, but then again I can't imagine why I'm not losing weight so we'll see what happens.
I've also been watching a lot of the tv show "Ruby" and it is ringing bells with me in that I'm not dealing with my childhood. I've separated myself from my mother who has done little beyond making me feel stupid and worthless (despite having a very high IQ and making honors all the time).
I've been trying to relive my past, to try to find some positives (which there are a few) but mostly I find negatives of how she completely and utterly did not support me in any way shape or form beyond the "If you just thought like I do, you would be worth something" pushes.
I'm not saying my mother never went to bat for me, I'm saying I just do not remember it.
There was once, where I'm not 100% sure what happened. I think she started out on my side, but then caved rather quickly to the "well that is the way it is" - no matter how wrong it was. One year in school I got all Bs and one C. To me, that was third honors (first being all As, second all As and Bs, third being As and Bs and one C) but because I didn't have an A to offset the C, they kept my name off the roll. I tried to fight it. Sadly I don't remember what happened, but I would think if I had won I would have remembered it as I didn't win much in my childhood (or should I say I didn't win the causes I took up)
Mostly, my childhood was filled with: but you are so smart, why don't you do better. Just apply yourself and excel! etc. I was in honors with out applying myself. I'm sure I frustrated the living daylights out of people who wanted to see what I could do if I would. But to me good enough is truly good enough. It wasn't like I was failing (far from it in all subjects except spelling) so I didn't see the need to push myself to get 100 instead of 99 or even 95. If you can get from point B from point A just as quickly, what does it matter if you are in a ferrari or in a civic? A farrari is just overkill.
What I want is to accept that how I want to live my life is totally acceptable! I do not have to feel bad for having a administrative assistance job (even if I still can't spell it). That I do not have to feel bad or guilty for wanting to spend the entire weekend in bed. My body does not have to come up with some illness so I feel justified for not getting up. I tell myself this till I am blue in the face, but it is very hard to overcome ingrained patterns in your life. When you are chastised for your choices, and others are lauded for towing the party line, it is so hard to not continue to do it to yourself subconsciously even if consciously you are telling yourself over and over again that not only it is OK but that so many other people wish they could just get over that "must do it all" mentality and want to relax their inane standards of what the world should be that they didn't even come up with on their own. I'm sure my mother was taught in her life that societal success is everything.. it's just sad.
Anyway. I want to write another letter to my mother. I want to tell her what an ass she was, but I also want to try to stay positive, and focus on the good things from my childhood, because remembering those is more important then remembering the negative stuff. So far I have frosted molasses christmas cookies. Whoopie pies. Crafting at home, and crafting at girl scouts (I remember making bread dough ornaments.) Being read stories.
sad hun?
I am going to try to go back to my "NO SWEETS" policy. the days that I was down at -500 calories I had a whoopie pie, or a couple of pieces of candy.. I can't imagine how having a little refined sugar could keep my body from letting go of weight, but then again I can't imagine why I'm not losing weight so we'll see what happens.
I've also been watching a lot of the tv show "Ruby" and it is ringing bells with me in that I'm not dealing with my childhood. I've separated myself from my mother who has done little beyond making me feel stupid and worthless (despite having a very high IQ and making honors all the time).
I've been trying to relive my past, to try to find some positives (which there are a few) but mostly I find negatives of how she completely and utterly did not support me in any way shape or form beyond the "If you just thought like I do, you would be worth something" pushes.
I'm not saying my mother never went to bat for me, I'm saying I just do not remember it.
There was once, where I'm not 100% sure what happened. I think she started out on my side, but then caved rather quickly to the "well that is the way it is" - no matter how wrong it was. One year in school I got all Bs and one C. To me, that was third honors (first being all As, second all As and Bs, third being As and Bs and one C) but because I didn't have an A to offset the C, they kept my name off the roll. I tried to fight it. Sadly I don't remember what happened, but I would think if I had won I would have remembered it as I didn't win much in my childhood (or should I say I didn't win the causes I took up)
Mostly, my childhood was filled with: but you are so smart, why don't you do better. Just apply yourself and excel! etc. I was in honors with out applying myself. I'm sure I frustrated the living daylights out of people who wanted to see what I could do if I would. But to me good enough is truly good enough. It wasn't like I was failing (far from it in all subjects except spelling) so I didn't see the need to push myself to get 100 instead of 99 or even 95. If you can get from point B from point A just as quickly, what does it matter if you are in a ferrari or in a civic? A farrari is just overkill.
What I want is to accept that how I want to live my life is totally acceptable! I do not have to feel bad for having a administrative assistance job (even if I still can't spell it). That I do not have to feel bad or guilty for wanting to spend the entire weekend in bed. My body does not have to come up with some illness so I feel justified for not getting up. I tell myself this till I am blue in the face, but it is very hard to overcome ingrained patterns in your life. When you are chastised for your choices, and others are lauded for towing the party line, it is so hard to not continue to do it to yourself subconsciously even if consciously you are telling yourself over and over again that not only it is OK but that so many other people wish they could just get over that "must do it all" mentality and want to relax their inane standards of what the world should be that they didn't even come up with on their own. I'm sure my mother was taught in her life that societal success is everything.. it's just sad.
Anyway. I want to write another letter to my mother. I want to tell her what an ass she was, but I also want to try to stay positive, and focus on the good things from my childhood, because remembering those is more important then remembering the negative stuff. So far I have frosted molasses christmas cookies. Whoopie pies. Crafting at home, and crafting at girl scouts (I remember making bread dough ornaments.) Being read stories.
sad hun?
10.07.2009
10.06.2009
204.5 again
well this is annoying. Hey, at least it isn't 206.5
I realized something this morning, I hold on to things VERY tightly. I think that is one of my major stressers in life. If I could just learn to not hold on so tight to how I want life to go and just accept how it is going, I would probably be a lot better off. (which of course is the one trait of DH that I hate and love and admire at the same time)
Strange thing is that I KNOW life is not going to conform to how i want it to go, but yet I inanely cling to the hope that if I just cling hard enough it will work out as I want it to.
Which is also stupid when I think about it, because a great deal of positive things have come into my life when life hasn't worked out as *I* wanted it to.
This comes because my kitty is not healing well from surgery at all. He's at the vet today being monitored. Every instinct, every fiber of my being wants to throw my head in the sand and deny that anything is wrong. Fortunately I do have a rational bone in my body *somewhere* and it allowed me to make my husband (notice I didn't call) talk to the vet about his symptoms. The vet suggested he come in. *sigh* so I sit here typing trying to imagine myself floating gently down a river instead of allowing myself to feel like I'm clinging to a rock in a white water river, which when I forget to relax happens almost instantly.
I realized something this morning, I hold on to things VERY tightly. I think that is one of my major stressers in life. If I could just learn to not hold on so tight to how I want life to go and just accept how it is going, I would probably be a lot better off. (which of course is the one trait of DH that I hate and love and admire at the same time)
Strange thing is that I KNOW life is not going to conform to how i want it to go, but yet I inanely cling to the hope that if I just cling hard enough it will work out as I want it to.
Which is also stupid when I think about it, because a great deal of positive things have come into my life when life hasn't worked out as *I* wanted it to.
This comes because my kitty is not healing well from surgery at all. He's at the vet today being monitored. Every instinct, every fiber of my being wants to throw my head in the sand and deny that anything is wrong. Fortunately I do have a rational bone in my body *somewhere* and it allowed me to make my husband (notice I didn't call) talk to the vet about his symptoms. The vet suggested he come in. *sigh* so I sit here typing trying to imagine myself floating gently down a river instead of allowing myself to feel like I'm clinging to a rock in a white water river, which when I forget to relax happens almost instantly.
10.05.2009
204.5
or 203.5 depending on which scale you want to listen to, but I've been tracking on the one that read higher today, so that is what we'll go with.
This weekend was kind of a wash. According to my food tracking and my armband, I was in the negative at all times, but I ate junk and didn't exercise. We'll see what happens in the next couple of days. If I continue to lose weight I'm going to put off the thought of doing cosmetic surgery right now, and see what continues to happen. I have about 10 days of vacation time that I was saving for recovery from getting my arms cut off, but if I am actually going to continue to lose weight, I think I would rather do that and have the surgery later when I'm at a more 'normal" weight.
I'm now pretty convinced I have rosacea. I so need to get my tushie over to my Dr. and deal with this, but I just don't want to. Stupid, I know, because it is not going to go away on it's own, but for the most part I can deal, so I just deal.
This weekend was kind of a wash. According to my food tracking and my armband, I was in the negative at all times, but I ate junk and didn't exercise. We'll see what happens in the next couple of days. If I continue to lose weight I'm going to put off the thought of doing cosmetic surgery right now, and see what continues to happen. I have about 10 days of vacation time that I was saving for recovery from getting my arms cut off, but if I am actually going to continue to lose weight, I think I would rather do that and have the surgery later when I'm at a more 'normal" weight.
I'm now pretty convinced I have rosacea. I so need to get my tushie over to my Dr. and deal with this, but I just don't want to. Stupid, I know, because it is not going to go away on it's own, but for the most part I can deal, so I just deal.
10.02.2009
204.5
So I got up at 6am and weighed in at 206.5 and my chin hit my chest. so friggen disappointing that I went back to bed. I work a short day so I can exercise in the afternoon, so I took advantage of the warm bed and snoozed until about 8. I got up and decided to weigh again for the fun of it, and I got the 204.5 My older scale said 204 so I'm going to believe it. (they jocky back and forth as to which one weighs higher so as long as they are close in range I believe them)
so... this leaves me all the more confused as to why I went through all that testing. I shouldn't assume that because I am currently losing weight, that I will continue to do so, but I am hopeful. But then again I have been hopeful in the past year and been disappointed.
I will do my best, and let my body do what it wants.. as my body is want to do.
so... this leaves me all the more confused as to why I went through all that testing. I shouldn't assume that because I am currently losing weight, that I will continue to do so, but I am hopeful. But then again I have been hopeful in the past year and been disappointed.
I will do my best, and let my body do what it wants.. as my body is want to do.
10.01.2009
206.5
*loud obnoxious rant*
i was so sure that this time it would work. I was certain that I would start losing weight again!! arrgh!
Today is going to be one of the most difficult of days for a variety of reasons. First of all the lying crappy scale that tells me I gained weight. How can I not see that and say to heck with eating right and doing all this exercise. If it is going to be mean to me, it might as well be mean to me for not exercising and eating pie!! But I'm going to be good for two more days. If I still have a crappy number on Saturday I'm having pie.
I didn't sleep well last night. I was awaken twice, and was up for a good while each time. (which might just explain the 206.5)
Three of the cats in my house are not feeling well.
Another one of the cats in my house freaked out and ended up making me bleed and ripping a hole in one of my favorite shirts.
I'm just so tired.. of everything. I'm physically tired, but I'm also tired of coming to work, of exercising, of eating "right" of not being able to spend time with my kitties, of being cold, and of getting out of bed in the morning. What I need is a good bout of the N1H1 (or is it H1N1) .. but then again being sick is no cake walk either.
i was so sure that this time it would work. I was certain that I would start losing weight again!! arrgh!
Today is going to be one of the most difficult of days for a variety of reasons. First of all the lying crappy scale that tells me I gained weight. How can I not see that and say to heck with eating right and doing all this exercise. If it is going to be mean to me, it might as well be mean to me for not exercising and eating pie!! But I'm going to be good for two more days. If I still have a crappy number on Saturday I'm having pie.
I didn't sleep well last night. I was awaken twice, and was up for a good while each time. (which might just explain the 206.5)
Three of the cats in my house are not feeling well.
Another one of the cats in my house freaked out and ended up making me bleed and ripping a hole in one of my favorite shirts.
I'm just so tired.. of everything. I'm physically tired, but I'm also tired of coming to work, of exercising, of eating "right" of not being able to spend time with my kitties, of being cold, and of getting out of bed in the morning. What I need is a good bout of the N1H1 (or is it H1N1) .. but then again being sick is no cake walk either.
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