found another food I love.
Not so much that I LOVE the taste.. I do like it a lot. but I love the calorie and nutritional stats so much that it puts it over the top for me.
Will be buying this again
1.27.2009
If you only knew me...
I watched Oprah last night.
Ok, I watch Oprah. *hangs head* I know I know.. but she often has shows about interesting topics, and I love dialog. I don't watch the shows she does about movies. When she said she "LOVED" the "White Chicks" movie, I lost all respect for her opinion about movies. I'm also not a member of the book club legion, and this whole "revolution" to live your best life she has going on is a little over the top for me. (as was the months she dedicated to A New Earth)
But as I said, I love the dialog. And yesterday she did a show about overweight teens.
now, I was an overweight teen..
ok, complete honesty here.. I was 5'7" and 150+ pounds (maybe as much as 160 by the time I graduated HS) and frankly I would give ANYTHING to be that thin now. but I was among kids who were 5"2' and weighed 110 lbs, so I was big, and I was teased, and I was in the highest percentile for the weight by the charts of the time, so my mother put me on diet after diet and harassed me about my weight.
These teens were all over 200lbs. Several of them were quite beautiful just as they were (ok, yes, weight loss would have added to that, but do not dismiss what they have as they have it)
As Ms. O likes to spout, being overweight is not about the food, so the first installment of this episode (there is more today) was confronting the issues as to why they were overweight, and they had a huge group counseling session with their parents and siblings.
There were two very compelling segments of that show. One was a screaming session that the kids had that started with "I'm angry that..." they were told to scream out "I'm angry that..." and complete the sentence. The parents were there just to hold the space in front of the kids. They weren't supposed to offer any advice, or to try to fix any of the reasons why the kids were angry. This was just an opportunity for the kids to express themselves towards their parents. They were angry that they were fat, that they were teased, that there weren't clothes to fit them, that they had to ask someone to prom, have someone make their prom dress, ... ok my memory is failing. But these were some good examples of how they expressed their feelings. That can be so powerful.
I remember as a kid living at home trying to express my feelings and having my mother dismiss them. She does it now - or did it when I last expressed them to her in the letters I sent. I would say I feel this, and she would reply yea but.. *rolls eyes* I felt resentment that she would ask me to help pick out fabric for a quilt she wanted to make me, but then she picked out all the fabric because nothing I picked was "right".. Yea, but that's not how it was.. we were there for you, blah blah blah..
I'm angry that my mother, from what I remember, never supported my choices. I'm angry that no matter what is I wanted, it was a wrong choice in her eyes, and she never failed to tell me that. I'm angry that I never felt unconditional love from anyone other than my cat. I'm angry that no one stood up for me when I was teased by the other kids, and I was told no one can make you angry but yourself
the next segment that they had was "If you only knew me, you'd know that..." again, you started off with the councilors words, and finished with their own.
I am always on the look out for platitudes. Saying what you think you need to say in order to make everyone around you happy. My mother was huge on this - apparently other than with me - and it has always bugged me. Say what you want to say. nothing gets done if you pussyfoot around the issue.
A lot of the parents finished with "I'm scared for my child" or I'm unhappy that they are suffering so" A lot of the kids didn't really take this challenge well either. This one is hard, I'll admit. I mean if you REALLY knew me gets you past those walls we build up to protect our heart. No one can really hurt you if they don't really know you, because you can always push it off as .. well if they only knew. One of the kids said if you really knew me you'd know that I'm 16. Um.. yea.. who doesn't know that. again, getting past that wall is VERY hard. I don't fault them for any of it. They did go on to say how much pain they were in, and how they considered suicide.
One parent said "If you really knew me you'd know I'm hard on my kids" and went on to say how much he expects of them. this one guy while not quite getting the whole thing of how his perfectionism is hurting his kids, at least he was honest about admitting it, and frankly that is a lot of the battle.
Oprah at one point said that what most people - if not all people - want is to be validated and for people to see them and that there was nothing wrong with parents admitting they made mistakes. My DH who was watching the show said if only your mother knew this. Well.. I know my mother didn't know this growing up. but she went to counseling on her own years ago, and knows it now, and still can't admit to - well probably even herself deep down - that she failed. If she just would. If she just could. but the pain she brings me by blaming me for everything that is wrong.. it is not something I can tolerate. It is how I got up to 260+lbs.
and sadly, it still permeates who I am today, and the choices I make.
If you only knew me, you'd know that I doubt everything I do, and everything I say. You'd know that I can talk a good talk, but I can't follow through. You'd know that I'm pretty stuck. I am like the perfectionist that won't do anything for fear it won't be perfect.. If you only knew me, you'd know I think I'm pretty wonderful, but that wonder does NOT fit in this world in any shape or form.
Ok, I watch Oprah. *hangs head* I know I know.. but she often has shows about interesting topics, and I love dialog. I don't watch the shows she does about movies. When she said she "LOVED" the "White Chicks" movie, I lost all respect for her opinion about movies. I'm also not a member of the book club legion, and this whole "revolution" to live your best life she has going on is a little over the top for me. (as was the months she dedicated to A New Earth)
But as I said, I love the dialog. And yesterday she did a show about overweight teens.
now, I was an overweight teen..
ok, complete honesty here.. I was 5'7" and 150+ pounds (maybe as much as 160 by the time I graduated HS) and frankly I would give ANYTHING to be that thin now. but I was among kids who were 5"2' and weighed 110 lbs, so I was big, and I was teased, and I was in the highest percentile for the weight by the charts of the time, so my mother put me on diet after diet and harassed me about my weight.
These teens were all over 200lbs. Several of them were quite beautiful just as they were (ok, yes, weight loss would have added to that, but do not dismiss what they have as they have it)
As Ms. O likes to spout, being overweight is not about the food, so the first installment of this episode (there is more today) was confronting the issues as to why they were overweight, and they had a huge group counseling session with their parents and siblings.
There were two very compelling segments of that show. One was a screaming session that the kids had that started with "I'm angry that..." they were told to scream out "I'm angry that..." and complete the sentence. The parents were there just to hold the space in front of the kids. They weren't supposed to offer any advice, or to try to fix any of the reasons why the kids were angry. This was just an opportunity for the kids to express themselves towards their parents. They were angry that they were fat, that they were teased, that there weren't clothes to fit them, that they had to ask someone to prom, have someone make their prom dress, ... ok my memory is failing. But these were some good examples of how they expressed their feelings. That can be so powerful.
I remember as a kid living at home trying to express my feelings and having my mother dismiss them. She does it now - or did it when I last expressed them to her in the letters I sent. I would say I feel this, and she would reply yea but.. *rolls eyes* I felt resentment that she would ask me to help pick out fabric for a quilt she wanted to make me, but then she picked out all the fabric because nothing I picked was "right".. Yea, but that's not how it was.. we were there for you, blah blah blah..
I'm angry that my mother, from what I remember, never supported my choices. I'm angry that no matter what is I wanted, it was a wrong choice in her eyes, and she never failed to tell me that. I'm angry that I never felt unconditional love from anyone other than my cat. I'm angry that no one stood up for me when I was teased by the other kids, and I was told no one can make you angry but yourself
the next segment that they had was "If you only knew me, you'd know that..." again, you started off with the councilors words, and finished with their own.
I am always on the look out for platitudes. Saying what you think you need to say in order to make everyone around you happy. My mother was huge on this - apparently other than with me - and it has always bugged me. Say what you want to say. nothing gets done if you pussyfoot around the issue.
A lot of the parents finished with "I'm scared for my child" or I'm unhappy that they are suffering so" A lot of the kids didn't really take this challenge well either. This one is hard, I'll admit. I mean if you REALLY knew me gets you past those walls we build up to protect our heart. No one can really hurt you if they don't really know you, because you can always push it off as .. well if they only knew. One of the kids said if you really knew me you'd know that I'm 16. Um.. yea.. who doesn't know that. again, getting past that wall is VERY hard. I don't fault them for any of it. They did go on to say how much pain they were in, and how they considered suicide.
One parent said "If you really knew me you'd know I'm hard on my kids" and went on to say how much he expects of them. this one guy while not quite getting the whole thing of how his perfectionism is hurting his kids, at least he was honest about admitting it, and frankly that is a lot of the battle.
Oprah at one point said that what most people - if not all people - want is to be validated and for people to see them and that there was nothing wrong with parents admitting they made mistakes. My DH who was watching the show said if only your mother knew this. Well.. I know my mother didn't know this growing up. but she went to counseling on her own years ago, and knows it now, and still can't admit to - well probably even herself deep down - that she failed. If she just would. If she just could. but the pain she brings me by blaming me for everything that is wrong.. it is not something I can tolerate. It is how I got up to 260+lbs.
and sadly, it still permeates who I am today, and the choices I make.
If you only knew me, you'd know that I doubt everything I do, and everything I say. You'd know that I can talk a good talk, but I can't follow through. You'd know that I'm pretty stuck. I am like the perfectionist that won't do anything for fear it won't be perfect.. If you only knew me, you'd know I think I'm pretty wonderful, but that wonder does NOT fit in this world in any shape or form.
1.20.2009
Not as it appears
I'm sitting here at work on the day of the inauguration, and there are a few things I want to say that are going to appear completely differently than I mean them.
first, I am SICK AND TIRED of this inauguration.
second, the soon to be president scares me a little.
now this seems like I'm totally anti-Obama doesn't it? well I'm not. I'm trilled. although to be honest I think I'd be thrilled if McCain were taking over too, cause I'm so sick and tired of Bush, and have been since day one. now he REALLY scared me. I think it is wonderful that we elected a "black man" although seriously why wouldn't we have? I guess I'm mentally 20+ years ahead of this, and thinking why is this such a big deal. Part of me gets it, but part of me thinks we really shouldn't be this amazed.
but as for this inauguration.. we have been talking about it, the parties, the parades, the dress, the girls, everything for weeks if not months. and there has been nothing else on the news but this darn thing and the security and the pilgrimage, etc for 48 hours.. probably more but I didn't watch much tv over the weekend. Seriously, there is NO other news going on?? No puppies pulling kittens out of burning buildings? no kidnapped little girls with blond hair? nothing?? I guess some people were right when they thought the world would come to an end when we would elect a "black man" (I only use quotes because I really hate that phrase. To me he is just a man)
so why does he scare me? well it certainly isn't because he's black. Steven Colbert often says he doesn't see color. He makes a joke out of it, but to me I really don't. I was watching the ABC morning show and Robin was talking about black history, and then went on to do another segment about King, and I wondered why she was doing all the talking, and then part of me realized that it was probably because she was black. (African American?? should I be all PC here? but then again not Africans are black these days.. it really does get all confusing I mean what do you call a white African who comes to America??)
He scares me because he's TOO smooth. He is TOO well liked. to me someone who is a little too well polished is someone who is not to be trusted. I want to trust him, I have no reason not to... I guess that's where I'm just a little hesitant.. aka scared.. I guess I'm waiting for the shoe to drop.
it isn't like you can say this in public. to do so would immediately brand me as a racist... I know it would. we have a woman at work who baked obama cupcakes (*rolls eyes*) and is all happy and thrilled and if I didn't know better I'd say she was already three sheets to the wind celebrating. She has a friend down in DC and she told her to pick up bobble heads and other souvenirs. It tickles me to hear her because she's southern.. but she's a little over the top, and when I said I was sick of hearing about the inauguration because it is all that has been talked about for weeks, she branded me a party pooper.. (*more eye rolling*)
I am thrilled. I can't wait for the passing of the torch. I can't wait to see what is going to happen.
I guess I just want life to get back to normal.
although that little devil on my shoulder says "So what is normal??"
first, I am SICK AND TIRED of this inauguration.
second, the soon to be president scares me a little.
now this seems like I'm totally anti-Obama doesn't it? well I'm not. I'm trilled. although to be honest I think I'd be thrilled if McCain were taking over too, cause I'm so sick and tired of Bush, and have been since day one. now he REALLY scared me. I think it is wonderful that we elected a "black man" although seriously why wouldn't we have? I guess I'm mentally 20+ years ahead of this, and thinking why is this such a big deal. Part of me gets it, but part of me thinks we really shouldn't be this amazed.
but as for this inauguration.. we have been talking about it, the parties, the parades, the dress, the girls, everything for weeks if not months. and there has been nothing else on the news but this darn thing and the security and the pilgrimage, etc for 48 hours.. probably more but I didn't watch much tv over the weekend. Seriously, there is NO other news going on?? No puppies pulling kittens out of burning buildings? no kidnapped little girls with blond hair? nothing?? I guess some people were right when they thought the world would come to an end when we would elect a "black man" (I only use quotes because I really hate that phrase. To me he is just a man)
so why does he scare me? well it certainly isn't because he's black. Steven Colbert often says he doesn't see color. He makes a joke out of it, but to me I really don't. I was watching the ABC morning show and Robin was talking about black history, and then went on to do another segment about King, and I wondered why she was doing all the talking, and then part of me realized that it was probably because she was black. (African American?? should I be all PC here? but then again not Africans are black these days.. it really does get all confusing I mean what do you call a white African who comes to America??)
He scares me because he's TOO smooth. He is TOO well liked. to me someone who is a little too well polished is someone who is not to be trusted. I want to trust him, I have no reason not to... I guess that's where I'm just a little hesitant.. aka scared.. I guess I'm waiting for the shoe to drop.
it isn't like you can say this in public. to do so would immediately brand me as a racist... I know it would. we have a woman at work who baked obama cupcakes (*rolls eyes*) and is all happy and thrilled and if I didn't know better I'd say she was already three sheets to the wind celebrating. She has a friend down in DC and she told her to pick up bobble heads and other souvenirs. It tickles me to hear her because she's southern.. but she's a little over the top, and when I said I was sick of hearing about the inauguration because it is all that has been talked about for weeks, she branded me a party pooper.. (*more eye rolling*)
I am thrilled. I can't wait for the passing of the torch. I can't wait to see what is going to happen.
I guess I just want life to get back to normal.
although that little devil on my shoulder says "So what is normal??"
1.15.2009
"girl" video games
I read an article on MSNBC about how one particular video game manufacturer was getting flack for making "girl" video games. Caring for babies, being a vet, being a fashion designer, etc.
There are certain groups who are outraged that they are limiting girls to such trival persuits such as fashion designer and caring for babies..
But not once in the article did they say anything about "boy" games. All the games out there designed to maim and kill. Where is the outrage that there are "Boy only" games..
and um.. there is NOTHING preventing the girls from playing any game they want. If they want to drive around and kill pedestrians, they are more than welcome to. and if boys want to give their hand at caring for pixilated animals, there is nothing stopping them.
I think it is great that they are creating new games that appeal to a different set of people. I for one won't buy the road rash kind of games, nor the war games, or the shoot em up games. I like Mario and games like that where you have to get past a series of tasks and challenges. I own one of the vet games, and it is very unchallenging to me, so I don't play it much, but I really liked the premise (so much so I bought it)
and btw, girls are more likely to want to play "girl video games" because.. wait for it... they are girls!! *rolls eyes* nothing says they have to, but they are creating the option out there for those people (yes, PEOPLE) who want them.
and it is about time.
We've had "boy" games for far too long with out this counter option. really the market was "boy" games or gender neutral games like Mario. Kudos to the manufacturer for doing this, and boo and hiss to the people who say things like this are wrong!
(now if they wouldn't let a girl buy a boy game, that would be a *whole* different story!)
There are certain groups who are outraged that they are limiting girls to such trival persuits such as fashion designer and caring for babies..
But not once in the article did they say anything about "boy" games. All the games out there designed to maim and kill. Where is the outrage that there are "Boy only" games..
and um.. there is NOTHING preventing the girls from playing any game they want. If they want to drive around and kill pedestrians, they are more than welcome to. and if boys want to give their hand at caring for pixilated animals, there is nothing stopping them.
I think it is great that they are creating new games that appeal to a different set of people. I for one won't buy the road rash kind of games, nor the war games, or the shoot em up games. I like Mario and games like that where you have to get past a series of tasks and challenges. I own one of the vet games, and it is very unchallenging to me, so I don't play it much, but I really liked the premise (so much so I bought it)
and btw, girls are more likely to want to play "girl video games" because.. wait for it... they are girls!! *rolls eyes* nothing says they have to, but they are creating the option out there for those people (yes, PEOPLE) who want them.
and it is about time.
We've had "boy" games for far too long with out this counter option. really the market was "boy" games or gender neutral games like Mario. Kudos to the manufacturer for doing this, and boo and hiss to the people who say things like this are wrong!
(now if they wouldn't let a girl buy a boy game, that would be a *whole* different story!)
1.14.2009
oh how I love heat
For Christmas, my boss bought me a small portable heater. I mentioned I didn't have any spare plugs at my desk, so it sat on my desk until the recent cold snap. She made a point to find a way to get the heater turned on for me.
now it sits under my desk and has been running for three days. I tried not to turn it on this morning, but after about an hour I was shivering..
I LOVE IT!! its like wrapping yourself up in a fresh from the dryer towel..
mmmmmm
only issue, when I get up my legs get REALLY cold..
now it sits under my desk and has been running for three days. I tried not to turn it on this morning, but after about an hour I was shivering..
I LOVE IT!! its like wrapping yourself up in a fresh from the dryer towel..
mmmmmm
only issue, when I get up my legs get REALLY cold..
1.13.2009
Greek yogurt w/ honey
I had this one years ago. I found one in the store the other day (I see and buy greek yogurt all the time but not with honey) so I bought it, and had forgotten how much I enjoyed it. I am classifying this as one of those foods I love.
small suggestion
When it is 16 degrees out, do not wash your windsheild unless you have FULL heat.. yes, I am that much of an idiot.
Yesterday I had a pretty good day despite having some major setbacks (I ran my car off the road. hey, at least it was intentional). I was able to keep a good mood most of the day. Today, nothing goes wrong, and I just want the whole world to go away and stay in bed with my kitties all day.
I'm also in major need of a hair cut. I can't seem to do anything with it any more. What is most annoying is I prefer my hair longer, unfortunately my hair does not prefer to be longer. It looks horrid on me. I'm trying to decide if I want to cut it all the way back to my shoulders or just have a standard trim.
I'll probably go with a standard trim to start, and go from there. I haven't had one in months and maybe that will help my hair look like something more than something a 3 year old glued to the top of my head..
Yesterday I had a pretty good day despite having some major setbacks (I ran my car off the road. hey, at least it was intentional). I was able to keep a good mood most of the day. Today, nothing goes wrong, and I just want the whole world to go away and stay in bed with my kitties all day.
I'm also in major need of a hair cut. I can't seem to do anything with it any more. What is most annoying is I prefer my hair longer, unfortunately my hair does not prefer to be longer. It looks horrid on me. I'm trying to decide if I want to cut it all the way back to my shoulders or just have a standard trim.
I'll probably go with a standard trim to start, and go from there. I haven't had one in months and maybe that will help my hair look like something more than something a 3 year old glued to the top of my head..
1.07.2009
*head sand*
oh my goodness how I am hating being out in the world. I want to go home, I want to snuggle into bed, I want to be suffocated with kitties.. *whine*
I'm at work, I don't want to be here, I'm doing the bare minimum to not be sitting here playing games ALL day long.
It's snowing, it's sleeting, its generally very nasty outside.
whine whine whine..
OMG I need to just grow up and accept life.. *smacks myself, then keeps on whinning*
(whining? ugh, I need to learn to spell too!)
I'm at work, I don't want to be here, I'm doing the bare minimum to not be sitting here playing games ALL day long.
It's snowing, it's sleeting, its generally very nasty outside.
whine whine whine..
OMG I need to just grow up and accept life.. *smacks myself, then keeps on whinning*
(whining? ugh, I need to learn to spell too!)
1.06.2009
ok then
Well I figured out something about my depression... and I'm not sure I like it.
I was faced with making several appointments Monday. I hate calling people. I hate dealing with this sort of thing. Always have. It is silly I know, but I often just can't face dealing with dealing with people. I needed to renew my library books, call the vet and make an appointment, call my dr and make an appointment and... shoot there was something else.. well I'm pretty sure I took care of it.
But facing having to call all these people just sent me off the deep end. I felt like I was facing unsermountable odds.. it's stupid, it was / is a couple of phone calls..
I called the vet. I emailed the library (and they didn't email me back so I'll have to stop by after work) I put off the dr. I really shouldn't. *sigh* but I do not want to call them. I should make my DH do it for me (because I can) but this is really something I should do, something I should be able to do.
my goodness.. how on earth do I function through life??
I was faced with making several appointments Monday. I hate calling people. I hate dealing with this sort of thing. Always have. It is silly I know, but I often just can't face dealing with dealing with people. I needed to renew my library books, call the vet and make an appointment, call my dr and make an appointment and... shoot there was something else.. well I'm pretty sure I took care of it.
But facing having to call all these people just sent me off the deep end. I felt like I was facing unsermountable odds.. it's stupid, it was / is a couple of phone calls..
I called the vet. I emailed the library (and they didn't email me back so I'll have to stop by after work) I put off the dr. I really shouldn't. *sigh* but I do not want to call them. I should make my DH do it for me (because I can) but this is really something I should do, something I should be able to do.
my goodness.. how on earth do I function through life??
1.01.2009
my husband is an idiot
the man can't keep track of money to save his life; I should know, I've threatened his life enough times.
so many times I've bailed him out of his financial hole.. I'm sick of it.. sick and friggen tired of it. Last time I did it *I* almost went into a hole bouncing several checks on two different accounts! (fortunately the bank heard my sob story and reversed the charges)
this time he needs $3,300 to get "comfortable" he SWEARS this time is different. yea.. cause you paid me back from the thousands of dollars I already lent you..
*rolls eyes*
he swears this time is different, and will not spend ANY money this month outside of the bills.. I'll believe that when I see it. Gonna have to keep on him like... well I'm just going to have to keep on him, because I'll be damned if I'm going to be having this conversation every six months till I'm 80! (and yes, we've been having it practically every six months since we got married 18 years ago)
so many times I've bailed him out of his financial hole.. I'm sick of it.. sick and friggen tired of it. Last time I did it *I* almost went into a hole bouncing several checks on two different accounts! (fortunately the bank heard my sob story and reversed the charges)
this time he needs $3,300 to get "comfortable" he SWEARS this time is different. yea.. cause you paid me back from the thousands of dollars I already lent you..
*rolls eyes*
he swears this time is different, and will not spend ANY money this month outside of the bills.. I'll believe that when I see it. Gonna have to keep on him like... well I'm just going to have to keep on him, because I'll be damned if I'm going to be having this conversation every six months till I'm 80! (and yes, we've been having it practically every six months since we got married 18 years ago)
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