Hi

Ok, so I am not one tenth of one percent. I survived my wisdom teeth extraction.

as miserable as I am at this point, I have to say that it was a lot better than I was expecting. I went in and they hooked me up to a heart monitor, a blood pressure monitor and an pulse ox. I then had about 10 minutes where I got to try to play with my heart rate and blood pressure. I got my heart rate down to 56, but then the dr would open up the door to the room I was in and my heart rate would shoot right up to 70-80ish. yea.. I was a little stressed.

I cried when they injected me. I remember wiping my eyes, but then I was out. I then remember them calling my DH to sit with me. I had a huge taste of blood in my mouth, but not an excess of pain. I felt a lot like I do when I wake up from a heavy night of sleep.

my face is swollen, and I know something happened, but the narcotics they gave me are doing their job. Yesterday was surprisingly easier than today so far has been. I'm tired and achey. I feel like sleeping through the night has gotten me too far behind in the meds. I'm a little dizzy, and my tongue is swelling..

it was fun to look at my gowear fit results for the surgery. I can see the stress before I went in - not excessive, just a little extra burn. No extra calorie burn during the surgery though.

Although I do feel as though I could probably force myself to got to work. Except for the fact that since I'm on narcotics I've been told not to drive. I also haven't pushed myself at all at this point, so who knows what might happen if I try to put clothes on.

It is going to be a nice warm day. I think I'm going to try to get out and enjoy a small part of it.

But first, a nap.

maybe I'll be back...

This is really odd for me. I am going to have my wisdom teeth removed (yes finally) and I'm going to be put to sleep to do it.

Now there is that one tenth of one percent chance that I might die during the proceedure.. with sedation always comes risk. so I'm looking at my life as if I might be leaving it tomorrow. What do I want people to find when they 'clean up' after me? Oh this is good, I'll leave that. No, I don't want them to see my 1000 links on the computer of personal stuff, I'll have to clean that up.. etc.

really is odd what I'm doing. and really odd what I find important to not have people find. I mean I'll be dead, what do I really care?

and yes, I know, one tenth of one percent.. I'll be back.

People really bug me sometimes

Ok, I'm the first to admit, I'm not the most subtle of people at times. I try to be fair, rational and honest. I know I come across as blunt a lot of the time and I know that can come off badly. I do what I can to try to midigate that.

I recently posted a reply to a person who was looking for help with her pet. She said the cat was not feeling well, had a history of cancer, and could not currently afford to take it to the vet.

My reply was that there are a lot of different issues that could be causing this particular problem, and trying to treat it with out knowing could make the situation worse.

I did not berate her for not getting the pet to a vet, nor call her an idiot for having an unaltered pet (even though that is my personal feeling, I know it is her right not to alter her pet and I do respect that choice enough to keep my personal feelings confined to my blog :D) I did however mention that many communities do have laws against not seeking medical treatment for a pet who was clearly suffering.

This issue (and many just like it) pop up all the time on the different pet boards I frequent. I know that others in the future are going to read her question and responses, so my response was not only to her, but to anyone in her situation.

Well apparently she decided to read into it that I was calling her an unfit owner, and basically the humane society should be called on her. *sigh* Nothing like reading into things what you want to read into them.

Honestly, I'm a just the facts kind of person. If I thought she was being cruel enough that the humane society should be called on her then I would have either said it, or refrained from replying (because there are some choices I can't respect)

So the original story was she had this pet since it was three weeks old and it is now almost a teenager. in the reply that i had offended her, it was a pet that was 'dropped off on her property'. Um.. once you feed the pet for more than a week, it is yours!! it's not a stray, it's not an abandoned pet.. it is your own personal pet.

And I honestly do respect that people are in hard times. No matter what the economy, but even more so now ropes are tight. But if you have a pet, you have a financial and moral obligation to the pet to get it medical care!!! if you can't then you need to find a way to get it the medical care that it needs. It is not right for a pet to suffer because you are down on your luck. I would(and have been in this situation - fortunately my pets were basically healthy) beg, borrow, scrounge, work extra jobs, sell stuff I had, anything to get my pets the care they need.

Do I always do everything my vet recommends? no. because often I know that what they are recommending isn't the end all and be all of the situation, but I will trust that they know what the situation is, and once I know what the problem is, I can either accept my vet's recommendation, or go and look for alternatives. If you don't know what the problem is, trying to treat your pet for some mysterious illness is not only bad for the pet, but chances are is going to waste your time and your money - which you have already said is a limited resource.

Measure twice, cut once. Applies to more than building a house.

GoWear week three

I am so beyond frustrated with my body at this point. At least I'm pretty darn sure it isn't my conscious being that is responsible for my weight gain. I am logging just about everything I eat at thedailyplate (an occasional bite of something is hard to log, but it generally is only a bite)

According to my GoWear, I am burning *approximately* 2400 calories a day. I'm eating *generally* 1400-1600 calories, so generally I'm down 800+ calories a day. There have been a few days were it was only -500. and one day it was -200. but as you can see (or I can as I have access to the charts) that I absolutely should be on a weight loss trend as I have never been over the number of calories I've burned.

And yet I am still 199. This morning was the first time I had seen that in a while. I initially logged 199, then a few days later I went up to 200, then to 203. I was thinking just water weight, so I didn't log it. But I continued to remain over 200 until this morning.

so *MAYBE* I'm about to start losing weight again? I'm afraid to be hopeful. I'm trying to remain positive, and I constantly tell myself that I can lose weight, that it is healthy to lose weight, that I should be letting go of the fat, not holding on to it, etc. Picturing weight loss, picturing food being helpful to my body.. if positive thinking were a weight loss plan I'd be 120lbs :) but I'm trying to remember that it is being healthy and active and positive that is what truly matters. Not a number on the scale.

but I have a number of cute clothes that at this point don't really fit right because of these 20lbs. I'd like them to fit so I don't have to go out and buy more. Ok, honestly, I'd like them to be too big so I do have to go out and buy more.. but I'll accept them fitting :D

Dreams

I was in the rabbit room / craft room yesterday and I saw a bottle of paint that has a Zayer sticker on it. Now Zayers was bought out by Ames, and Ames closed years ago. I had to wonder how well that paint would work.. and I know I need to go through my crafting supplies and cull them badly.

Well this apparently worked its way into my dreams, because I was outside of where Zayers used to be. The building has been reworked in real life, but in my dream it was much as it was. Only it wasn't Zayer. It was "The Consumerist" in big bold neon red letters. Now The Consumerist is a website I frequent. Only the store had nothing to do with the website. Once I got in there it was a museum of some sort, or maybe the walls were just decorated with 'old stuff'. Not really sure. I know I was looking at one VERY tall wall that had ancient roman artifacts in large display cases / frames. I think they were breast plates, but I'm not 100% sure. there were 7 to 10 stacked high (very tall wall) and I was amazed these things were in here. I continued to wander, and found myself in a locker room of some sort. There was another down the hall a bit, and in that locker room was a guy I once had a crush on. K was in there and I wanted to go see him, but part of me said "NO!!!" and I was having a bit of an internal struggle if I should go say hi or not. K started to leave, and I ended up hiding so he wouldn't see me. I apparently made noise, because he called hello into the room. Which is when I woke up.

Dreams

I had three dreams last night that I want to remember, but at this point I only recall two.

first I was walking past an old house and I heard a noise so I went in. Inside there was an old german shepard who started to sniff me. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the dog, did't know if I should be worried or not. I kept watching the dog, and realized that it was missing both eyes. At that point many other dogs and puppies started surrounding me in the area. They weren't being protective, just there. I tried to get out of the house but walking in between all the dogs was difficult.

The second dream was me being in an episode of Dr. Who. There was a man who I was close to, and for some reason I had to be separted from him. I said to him that the next time I saw him he wouldn't know me, and I turned and left. I was then in a crowded station and walking through I bumped into the man who was with the doctor. I said hi, trying to be casual, but he saw that there was more and didn't understand so he chased after me. Dr. Who chased after him. it was emotional, as I tried to put him off, saying we didn't know each other. He refused to believe me. Then time jumped again and he was dead. I was devistated, and sobbing uncontrolably. Dr. Who grabbed me and tried to comfort me saying we knew this would happen.

although how we knew each other and loved each other but yet he died not knowing me is something that confused me when I woke up.

The third one had something to do with an old house. I was exporing it and looking at things.

it is kind of amazing how fleeting dreams are. How you can have such a moving dream that you so want to remember, but in the light of day they are just gone.

I hate nature

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

No seriously, I do.

I did some "gardening" this weekend. Gardening for me involves going out into my little flower bed, turning the soil, getting rid of those vine-ing weeds, and maybe planting something I got at Walmart that I thought was pretty. I'm not big into nature. Mostly because it is outside. I mean eww. Sun to burn my pasty white skin, bugs to chew on my pasty white flesh, and dirt! (not to mention cow poop - well cause I don't have cows, but still!)

i found a couple of grubs. I hate grubs.

I disturbed an ant's nest. I can deal with ants, they are small, but they are squirmy, and i shouldn't be disturbing them. They have enough to do with out rebuilding their home.

and finally as I'm pulling weeds, I find myself apologising to them for pulling them up. I mean how stupid does that make me feel??? They are plants for goodness sakes!

So my peonies are starting to sprout. I've got something I can't identify in there as well. Might be a weed, might be something cute, no idea. I've got two plants I do know are supposed to be there growing. I put in some other flowers that I found at walmart last year that I used to have outside my home growing up. I loved them, my mother didn't and pulled them after several years. I'm glad to have them, but I don't know if they survived the winter. Time will tell. I bought a small catnip plant and another plant that has purple flowers. Who knows if they will live or not as they were supposed to be watered after I planted them. I didn't because the weather man (and the abundant clouds in the sky) said it was going to rain.

I like having flowers, I just don't like having to work to have them.

*I am hungry!!!*

Well this is a post to waste time. I have about 20 minutes left in my work day and I am out of food. I'm so hungry. I want lunch so badly.

I know I'm not REALLY this hungry, but my body is screaming.

this is not really helping. i thought blogging would distract me, although talking about how hungry I am really isn't taking my mind off it is it?

:)

So I've worn my GoWear fit for almost a week now. I've burned at least 600 calories more than I've taken in every day. My sleeping is quite disturbed, and I rarely get more than 2 hours of uninterupted sleep. My DH is out of town, and I think I'm going to lock the cats out of the bedroom tonight and see what happens. I hate the thought of depriving them of my company (their world is awful small you know) but I'd love to see what happens.

My energy level has started to increase since I started taking hormones. I am not comfortable saying that the hormones are increasing my energy, or if this is just a normal upflux - because they have happened in the past. If I still feel energenic next week THEN I'll say it is the hormones.

Tis the first nice day of spring out there. Saw my first dandelion as well. for a pasty white chick who hates being outside, I'm just too excited about all this.

surprisingly, one of the things I'm looking forward to is picking dandelions for my rabbit to munch on.. ok, not that surprising.

*goes to lable this post and realizes there is no diet category. How odd

*headdesk*

Ugh.

I'm stuck at work and bored out of my mind. I know I SHOULD be working, but the work I have to do is menial and boring and frankly never ending so I just don't want to do it.

I suppose I could do other work, such as billing or processing checks, but I don't wanna do that either.

Man, I'm whining today aren't I? I should be thrilled I have a job, and that I'm getting paid, but really since I got almost no sleep last night all I want to do is go home and nap.

DH is out of town. He got bumped on a work flight a while back and was given a credit towards another flight, so he decided to use it to go see his sister. He wanted me to come along but a) the credit wasn't that much and b) someone has to take care of the cats and c) i hate to travel. It will be good for him to spend some time with his family. He has six sisters and two brothers. Two of his sisters live out of state. One in the south, the other in the midwest (ish). So he's made a huge to-do out of this. One of his sisters is driving down and the three of them are going to spend a few days together.

I just don't get it, because I don't have a close relationship with anyone in my family. I just can't imagine spending several days together. And while this puts a huge burden on me (cause caring for 18 cats and a rabbit and myself is a job for more than one person) I hope he has fun.

While putting catagories on this post, I saw my one for stupid online quizes. I haven't done any of those in a while.. I think I'll go see if I can find out how good a pirate I'd make :D

GoWear Fit

Ok. So I broke down and bought a GoWear Fit.

For a while now, I have been following a low calorie diet, exercising and not losing weight. Now granted, I haven't been very strict on my NS plan, but for the most part I have been under 1500 calories (yes, there are days I've had pizza, or chinese food, but those were honestly rare)

Since I lost about 70 lbs in a little over a year.. maybe a year and a half, then since then (the past year) I have put on 20lbs and have not been able to get them back off, I have gotten quite frustrated. I went to a nutritionist who was not all that helpful. She made suggestions that were counter to a lot of info I had read. But I tried it, and while I did initially drop a pound or two, it didn't stay off. (who is to say that I wasn't in a normal weight loss trend anyway - since I have been fluctuating from 195-200lbs for a while)

So.. I researched my options for figuring out how many calories I burn in a day. General BMR says that I burn about 2000+ not doing anything but existing. Since I'm eating 1500 calories, generally I should be losing weight.

I had heard a great deal about the body bugg. I mean it is all over the Biggest Loser show, and lots of people swear by it. Wanting to get a deal, I looked into other options. Honestly there is no competition for the BB except the GWF, and they are made by the same company.

So why did I choose the GoWear Fit? because it tracks when I am asleep. Since I have issues sleeping, this information interested me.

I bought mine at Dick's Sporting Goods (which was humorous, because I called to see if they had it and they answered yes with out sounding like they looked and once I got there the clerk we asked about the location of said product had NO idea where it was). I bought it there instead of through the company because a) no shipping costs, b) came with three months free service.

now the GWF and the BB are both basically useless with out the internet subscription to download the information it gathers. I HATE this. When I bought my Tivo, I immediately grabbed the life time service, and haven't upgraded my tivos until they have offered life time service. I probably won't ever upgrade my Tivo again because they seem to want to charge me monthly. Can't blame them. but I don't have to like it.

I hope eventually GWF will offer me something to get the information off the device with out the monthly subscription. They are losing a LOT of business because of this. Every time I go onto a BB regarding the GWF, that is the major complaint. Even if it is reduced information I would be cool with that. Rumor has it I can buy the display and then remove the battery from it every other week to clear the memory. I'm not ready to do that, as I like the information I'm currently getting from the website. but I might consider this in the future, because $12 a month is a LOT of money.. and so is the $7 that you can get it down to if you buy a year subscription.

So. I've been wearing the thing for about a week now. I have learned that I am NOT burning the amount of calories that thedailyplate.com has said I was burning during my work outs. that is ok. I also learned that I burn about 1.3 calories a minute generally aka sitting around doing nothing. There are times at night when I am sleeping that I burn 1 calorie a minute. Why? no idea.

I generally take about 5000 steps a day. and generally I burn about 2500 calories a day with exercise. Since I'm only eating about 1500.. um.. why on earth am I not losing weight??

I went to my Dr to discuss it. I told her I had severe night sweats, that I gained 20lbs and can't get rid of it, and that my memory was shot and my sex drive was quite diminished. She wants to test my hormones, but I can't do that until right before my next depo shot. In the mean time she offered me some estrogen to take.

Since I'm on Depo (the quarterly shot for birth control) I have no periods (YEA!!) so I have no idea how to figure out if I am going into menopause. Now I'm only 37ish (a few months shy of my 38th birthday) so it is very early for that, but not unheard of.

I've only been on it a couple of days, and I think it is making a difference. Hard to be sure, because there are natural swings in my issues, but I haven't been sweating in bed..

anyway. Back to the GWF. Nice thing about having it on my arm, is it is a constant reminder to be a bit more active. Kind of like having that angel on your shoulder. I know it is on much as I know I'm wearing clothes. The band is not uncomfortable. Sleeping in it is pretty easy (but then again I sleep in hair curlers from time to time, so I am not sure I'm the best judge of what is comfortable to sleep in)

Another downside to the GWF is the food tracking aspect. There wasn't an option for a long time and now there is, but it is independent of other users. So there are some basic foods, but if you eat non generic foods (say like NS) you have to enter it all in yourself. Not a big deal, it does save it, but I have been tracking at thedailyplate.com and prefer that because it is a user created database, so all my NS foods are already there. I am continuing to tract at TDP as many of the GWF users are (who's blogs I found)

The last downside to the GWF that I'm going to mention is my own doing. I upload my data in the evening after dinner. It is hard to find out how many calories I burn in a day when I upload the information before the day is out. It would be nice if it would give me an "assumed calorie burn" for the day based on my not doing anything for the rest of the night. At this point I have to do it myself, figuring out how much time is left in the day and multiplying that by my 1.3 calorie burn per minute. I suppose if I uploaded first thing in the AM it would be easier for me, but I frankly do not have time in the AM.

I'm hoping with the addition of the hormones, and the constant reminder to be active of the GWF, I can get rid of these 50lbs that I REALLY want to get rid of. Heck, I'd be happy with 40 (ok, honestly I'd be happy with 30)