another GL dream

not sure why I'm doing this.. but I had another dream about GL. I am not sure if I was in the show, or driving by the set. But there were shots, and a huge explosion. I knew this was the finale and I wanted to remember everything..

and of course I remember that the dream was much more involved then this, but this is what the daylight has reduced it to.

so sad - dentist

well I didn't blog about a recent change in my life. I had a dental appointment for a cleaning, and my dentist office didn't have a copy of the xrays I took recently (at a different dentist). I knew they had them, or at least at one point had. I went to a dentist in another city that offered the laser dental thingie. I HATE novicane with a passion, and the chance that a laser would allow me not to have it was so I had to try it - no matter how much I love my dentist.

But I didn't like it. the lasered tooth was airborne and I was smelling and tasting it for the rest of the day.

so I went back to my guy.

Then I had a tooth that felt like it was about to crack. He did some xrays and found a small cavity, and offered to fill it. Well that was the worst experience in my life. The novicane shots hurt like hell (one reason I love my dentist is because in the past I almost didn't feel them) and I was up to thee shots and I was still in pain when he was drilling. My face was in so much pain for the whole next six months. THe first week I was miserable - even the narcotics I had left over from the teeth being pulled didn't help. Even now I'm still fearful of chewing on those teeth.

So, I'm reluctant to say the least. I hate dental work to begin with, and with this recent experience all I wanted was a nice gentle cleaning and to go on my way. Well they couldn't find the xrays, and were insistant on them. Wouldn't do the cleaning with out them. So I walked out. Xrays hurt. It was a nice warm summer day and despite my wearing jeans and a shirt I wasn't dressed to hang out in the dental office which was airconditioned to the point where my fingernails were about to turn blue.

I get why they would want them, but to refuse to do a cleaning was inane. It wasn't like I was asking him to drill. It would be my own fault if there was a cavity brewing.

So this, along with the fact they closed and forgot to cancel my last cleaning and made me drive the hour up to them twice and now were telling me they were effectively doing the same thing.. Well I'm done. I don't care how good my dentist is, I can't deal with that, on top of the anxiety I face every time I drive that hour..

So now I need a new dentist. I'm waiting until it is no longer hot and airconditioning isn't the norm..

man I really hate this sort of thing. What part of you work for me makes you think you can treat me like this? yes,you have the knowledge I need, but that doesn't mean that you get to treat me poorly. You aren't the only dentist in the world - heck not even the only one in your city for goodness sakes.

Women Food and God

So I admit, I watch Oprah. I don't watch all of the shows, but if she is talking about something I think might be interesting, I watch. She's now on this kick of Women Food and God.

I think this is a very interesting idea, and I probably should buy the book and read it, but at the moment I'm just listening to the shows and reading a few articles on the website.

The general gist of what I've read is that women who area overweight are most likely overweight because they are eating when they are trying to fulfill a need that is not hunger. I admit that. I will eat when I am feeling things other then hunger.

Fortunately I'm mostly away from eating when I'm happy or in celebration. Granted I do buy something nice for birthdays or what not, but generally they are healthier options with just a small decadent treat at the end.

But what I am having a hard time with is eating over the uncomfortableness in my life. I do deal with depression. for the most part it isn't life altering, but it does make me very miserable to just uncomfortable. Eating over this chemical imbalance in my life is a quick fix, but it leads me to be uncomfortable in other areas (pants that are too tight, not fitting well into chairs with arms, having a hard time with physical activity) so now along with trying to remember to not medicate myself with food (which is what I'm doing when I try to alter my brain by feeding it) I am also trying to remind myself that eating to dissipate my uncomfortableness will only lead to uncomfortableness in the future, and I would rather feel mental uncomfortableness then physical.

This weekend I was feeling miserable. It was so bizarre because there was no reason for it. Everyone was healthy, everything was moving along nicely. I found some great deals on items I've been wanting to buy but I wanted to wait until I found deals on them. I bought a hutch for the kitchen area. I've been wanting to replace the cheepo Zares store hutch I bought 15+ yrs ago that was cheap to begin with. The few I've seen that would work were over 2,000$. I found one at Big Lots that will work nicely (not perfect, but does work) for under 500$ along with a nice blu-ray player to watch netflix. Anyway.. trying to figure out why I was miserable, felt like a pointless exercise. At this point I don't even really feel sad that I'm not eating cookies and cupcakes (although when I shop at a high end grocery store full of things I shouldn't/ don't want to (not can't) eat I get a little blue). So it was so odd to just sit there and be miserable. I couldn't talk myself out of it. I couldn't exercise my way out of it. I couldn't do much but just try to ignore it and go about my day... it was quite difficult to not reach for something that I knew would help ease it - food. I didn't do too badly until Sunday when we went to the movies and we bought an appetizer entree because we had a coupon. But then we went to a local festival and I didn't buy fair food, and we walked quite a bit.

so.. the point of this post? No idea. Guess I just wanted to give myself a small pat on the back for not giving in to the emotions that were trying to throw me off a cliff

dream

This one started out with my checking into a hotel room that looked much like a hospital room. Two beds, two closets, a bath, etc. I took the bed closest to the door and put my stuff down and went out for dinner. I walked around, but I don't remember eating anything. I went back to my room, and the door was open. I was concerned, but walked in slowly. There was someone by the second bed folding clothes. I went into the bathroom and changed into evening clothes and watched a little tv. the tv was on, but it was mostly just background. I remember looking at it from time to time. I went out and was in the lobby where there was a party. I was with someone at this point (the someone from the room??) and we started socializing with fans and actors from the Canadian version of "Guiding Light" (which doesn't exist anywhere outside of this dream) the cast was mostly different from the American version, but they had a few actors playing the main character such as "Alan Spaulding". The gentleman playing Alan was trying but failing to be charming. Apparently I was there to find something on him to arrest or nab him on, and while he was bordering on being wrong, he wasn't crossing the line. My friend was poking me to get him, and he was about to walk off when I decided to fake my own death. I threw myself to the ground and played dead. He attended to me getting paramedics to help me. When they showed up they checked me out and realized I wasn't dead but apparently unconscious, and were attempting to figure out what was wrong when my friend went down too. The guy playing Alan was exasperated but wouldn't leave. They couldn't figure out what was going on.

then I was awake and Alan was being led off. I went outside and was in my home state of Maine. This is the weekend (in real life) that POTUS is visiting, and some how I was a part of that. We were trying to find look a likes for the family - not an easy task in one of the whitest states in the nation. We finally found the right four, but then we needed the dog. We were looking for a buddy look a like when I was so rudely awakened by my cat Jack who had found his favorite toy. He cries out like he is in a lot of pain or something when he finds it. Dealing with the dog in my dream then hearing that noise.. it put me immediately on alert. Wasn't a fun way to wake up.