I got into the shower last night, and realized the bumps on my arms are almost completely gone. I'm sure if someone else touched them, they probably wouldn't even feel them. I've been pulling oil a little more frequently lately because my teeth have been bothering me again. Fortunately the more I pull, the less they bother me.
I STILL don't understand why. I can not fathom that it "pulls toxins" from my body. That to me just seems too bizarre for reason. I get that skin absorbs, but other then sweating, I've never seen it release anything. Even "cupping" just gets the body to work on things inside of it, and then flushing it out that way..
I've been reading more on tooth health. I'm sick and tired of cavities. I've been reading that I need to eat more meat and bone broth to get the minerals to help my body rebuild the teeth as they are eroded by every day wear. It makes sense that the teeth should be capable or rebuilding and withstanding a life time of use. I mean that is what they are there for. So I'm working on that. The other thought is that the minerals are in the saliva so that helps rebuild them. You shouldn't use tooth paste with glycrin in it because it keeps the saliva off the teeth and thus they are less able to rebuild.
so if I'm swishing oil around in my mouth, it makes sense that more saliva is being swished around my teeth., thus helping my teeth.
as for the KP, I read that is a vitamin A deficiency. Olive oil is rich in Vitamin A..
but why does it work better when I swish my A then when I eat it? maybe the A is going directly through the mucus membranes of my mouth and thus better utilized since I don't have to process it in my gut?
do I really care why? are I not thrilled that it does work?
it's too bad it does though, because I am totally not a fan of doing it!!
11.18.2010
219.5/216.5
so I've been hitting the sugar pretty frequently the past few days. I've also been off my thyroid energy support supplement. does one have to do with the other have to do with the third?? probably. but in which order???
I weighed 219 this morning, I went and I exercised for about 40 minutes and stretched for maybe another 10 (maybe 12 I watched 20 minutes of a program and sat on the floor for all of it)
I went upstairs and weighed, then got the 216.
So, I am swearing off the sugar. I may want, I may crave, but I'm going to do what I can to stay away from it for three days (ARRGH, that falls in the christmas fair day.. crap. Ok, two days) If I lose weight, I'll atribute it to the sugar. I've got some brain fog going on as well.. I'm doubting that is going to clear up with out the supplement.
My new dr's appointment is on Monday, so we'll see what happens after that. They may have a whole new thing for me to try..
So this morning I had a smoothie. Green tea, whey protein powder, greek yogurt, coconut oil, a red banana and some pumpkin puree. Lots of cinnamon to go with it, it wasn't half bad. Smoothies with out high sugar fruits or some sort of sweetener have been rather gross. at 10:30ish I had some soaked oatmeal with more cinnamon and cardamom. Lunch now at 12:30, my ragout w/rice and roasted eggplant.and raw cheese. I've got an orange to have as a snack, some lentil soup on the fridge if I get hungry later.
The more I read up on "real" nutrition, the more I'm scared to eat pretty much anything other then zucchini and coconut oil. I'm sure if I keep reading, I'll find someone to tell me how evil those are as well. I'm comfortable with the "cook it yourself stay away from packages" thoughts. (I can't tell you how badly I want to put a crystal light type thing into my glass of water right now) only thing is I can't seem to stay away from the sweets, so the question becomes do I make sweet things for me to eat?? Seems so wrong to admit it and give into it, but eating poptarts I'm sure is way worse then eating a home made chocolate chip cookie..
I also had an interesting dream last night. First I ended up damaging a leather key ring I've had forever. In waking life, I had pulled it out from where it was and attached it to my new car key (used car but new to me) yesterday. Interesting that I would damage it in my dream. I also ended up having my period. I haven't had one of those in YEARS.. I'm quite curious as to what the dream experts think of that one..
hum..
menstruation: symbolic of releasing tension and worry
Losing blood may suggest you are losing energy because of inner conflicts or waking conflicts
hum.. the second one seems to make more sense since I was damaging my keyring out of nervous habit (like biting your nails) Would be nice to release the worry going on my in my life.. but I don't see that going anywhere till at least the new year if not a little later.
I weighed 219 this morning, I went and I exercised for about 40 minutes and stretched for maybe another 10 (maybe 12 I watched 20 minutes of a program and sat on the floor for all of it)
I went upstairs and weighed, then got the 216.
So, I am swearing off the sugar. I may want, I may crave, but I'm going to do what I can to stay away from it for three days (ARRGH, that falls in the christmas fair day.. crap. Ok, two days) If I lose weight, I'll atribute it to the sugar. I've got some brain fog going on as well.. I'm doubting that is going to clear up with out the supplement.
My new dr's appointment is on Monday, so we'll see what happens after that. They may have a whole new thing for me to try..
So this morning I had a smoothie. Green tea, whey protein powder, greek yogurt, coconut oil, a red banana and some pumpkin puree. Lots of cinnamon to go with it, it wasn't half bad. Smoothies with out high sugar fruits or some sort of sweetener have been rather gross. at 10:30ish I had some soaked oatmeal with more cinnamon and cardamom. Lunch now at 12:30, my ragout w/rice and roasted eggplant.and raw cheese. I've got an orange to have as a snack, some lentil soup on the fridge if I get hungry later.
The more I read up on "real" nutrition, the more I'm scared to eat pretty much anything other then zucchini and coconut oil. I'm sure if I keep reading, I'll find someone to tell me how evil those are as well. I'm comfortable with the "cook it yourself stay away from packages" thoughts. (I can't tell you how badly I want to put a crystal light type thing into my glass of water right now) only thing is I can't seem to stay away from the sweets, so the question becomes do I make sweet things for me to eat?? Seems so wrong to admit it and give into it, but eating poptarts I'm sure is way worse then eating a home made chocolate chip cookie..
I also had an interesting dream last night. First I ended up damaging a leather key ring I've had forever. In waking life, I had pulled it out from where it was and attached it to my new car key (used car but new to me) yesterday. Interesting that I would damage it in my dream. I also ended up having my period. I haven't had one of those in YEARS.. I'm quite curious as to what the dream experts think of that one..
hum..
menstruation: symbolic of releasing tension and worry
Losing blood may suggest you are losing energy because of inner conflicts or waking conflicts
hum.. the second one seems to make more sense since I was damaging my keyring out of nervous habit (like biting your nails) Would be nice to release the worry going on my in my life.. but I don't see that going anywhere till at least the new year if not a little later.
11.16.2010
dream
this one was interesting.
I was on an island. I had found something I had wanted to keep and I showed it to my significant other (was it DH? I don't remember now, but it will be him later) He told me we couldn't, but I insisted, and he relented, but suggested there might be trouble. Then there was a large ship on the ocean coming towards us. SO told me that it was pay back for keeping the thing I wanted, that they were coming to get it and everything else. So we had to hide all of the gold bars we were storing. We broke up the stash and hide it all over the house. SO hid some under the sheets of my unmade bed, which I thought was a stupid place to store them, so I put a few under the mattress (cause no one would look there right?) and some in a petty cash box and tried to hide that in the closet. Which is when I realized I was in my child hood home which now was on this island, because I looked out the window to see the ship closing in. I walked through the closet (which had two doors, one opened up into the living room - pretty clever when you think about it) and SO suggested that we might not want to be there when the ship showed up, so we hopped in his truck (which is when I realized that SO was DH since it was his current work truck) and we drove in town. We had to stop for gas. The station was automated, and we just sat there. But there was no signal that we were done. We got confused, and when someone pulled up behind us, DH being the "nice guy" that he is (quotes because he is to a fault) decided to drive away. I looked in the side mirror to realize that the pump was still in the gas tank, and I tried to get him to stop, but he wasn't listening to me, so finally i yelled at him, and he stopped just as the pump came loose from the truck and swung back towards the pumps. I told him never mind and keep going.
so we drove on, and ended up at the staples plaza by the airport. Only we didn't go to Staples, in fact staples wasn't even a store there. We went in and looked for a new desk for DH. They had some home office type of items, some cubical type items, even some old old abused and graffitied desks, that despite the abuse and graffiti were kind of interesting looking so I asked the price and they were several thousand dollars. Then we came upon some painted and coiffed desks more suited to me then DH, and they were only 100$ but were kind of small.
Which is when I was awoken by my cats.
Still 214.5 this morning.
I looked at my diet this morning and realized I need to get some more veggies in there. not that I'm not eating the "recommended amount" but I think I should probably have 50% green stuff (or at least aim for that) and I'm maybe getting 20%. It's hard because veggies don't keep well cooked, and cooking them at work isn't ideal. I suppose I could do more broccoli.
I was on an island. I had found something I had wanted to keep and I showed it to my significant other (was it DH? I don't remember now, but it will be him later) He told me we couldn't, but I insisted, and he relented, but suggested there might be trouble. Then there was a large ship on the ocean coming towards us. SO told me that it was pay back for keeping the thing I wanted, that they were coming to get it and everything else. So we had to hide all of the gold bars we were storing. We broke up the stash and hide it all over the house. SO hid some under the sheets of my unmade bed, which I thought was a stupid place to store them, so I put a few under the mattress (cause no one would look there right?) and some in a petty cash box and tried to hide that in the closet. Which is when I realized I was in my child hood home which now was on this island, because I looked out the window to see the ship closing in. I walked through the closet (which had two doors, one opened up into the living room - pretty clever when you think about it) and SO suggested that we might not want to be there when the ship showed up, so we hopped in his truck (which is when I realized that SO was DH since it was his current work truck) and we drove in town. We had to stop for gas. The station was automated, and we just sat there. But there was no signal that we were done. We got confused, and when someone pulled up behind us, DH being the "nice guy" that he is (quotes because he is to a fault) decided to drive away. I looked in the side mirror to realize that the pump was still in the gas tank, and I tried to get him to stop, but he wasn't listening to me, so finally i yelled at him, and he stopped just as the pump came loose from the truck and swung back towards the pumps. I told him never mind and keep going.
so we drove on, and ended up at the staples plaza by the airport. Only we didn't go to Staples, in fact staples wasn't even a store there. We went in and looked for a new desk for DH. They had some home office type of items, some cubical type items, even some old old abused and graffitied desks, that despite the abuse and graffiti were kind of interesting looking so I asked the price and they were several thousand dollars. Then we came upon some painted and coiffed desks more suited to me then DH, and they were only 100$ but were kind of small.
Which is when I was awoken by my cats.
Still 214.5 this morning.
I looked at my diet this morning and realized I need to get some more veggies in there. not that I'm not eating the "recommended amount" but I think I should probably have 50% green stuff (or at least aim for that) and I'm maybe getting 20%. It's hard because veggies don't keep well cooked, and cooking them at work isn't ideal. I suppose I could do more broccoli.
11.15.2010
214.5
Well now this is very VERY interesting.
I have made it a point to cook on Sunday. I make a big ragout to last me most of the week, some cooked ground beef to add to other dishes, etc. This week my food ran out on Thursday, but I was off on friday so I didn't need to pack a lunch, so I just went lazy. And to top it off, I WANTED pizza on Saturday.
I didn't do too badly on Fri and most of Saturday. I had two small pieces of a medium pizza and maybe that much more of cheezy bread sticks. no where near ideal, I fully admit that, but considering what my cravings wanted before I started eating, not too bad either.
and in response? I gained 5 lbs. I was 217.5 on Sunday morning. Yup. five pounds for not even one pound worth of calories - which when i think about it probably wasn't even over and above my caloric need for the day. (according to charts and weight and height etc, I should be able to eat - which for sedentary is 2097 calories per day to maintain) I didn't really keep track, so I could be off, but I rarely eat more then 1500-1800 calories when left to my own with out a cheat meal. - looks like I ate 780 calories.. yup. 780=5lbs.. how nice.
Now I'm sure you think "well obviously this must be water weight" yea.. right. If I am not obnoxiously careful about calories for the next two days after something like this happens, it stays put.
Even with not eating anything until lunch, then having a greek yogurt /w berries smoothie for lunch, and a very light and sensible dinner, this morning I weighed 214.5
*sigh*
Oddly enough I have to say, I did not enjoy the pizza (hence only having two pieces) which lends to my staying on my diet this upcoming weekend (ha ha ha - I have Christmas Fairs to go to, and Peanut Butter Fudge to stock up on) it would be nice if I could get through at least one weekend. But I'm not stressing. I have the new dr's appointment on Monday. I have thanksgiving coming up, then the week after that a week long trip out of town. THEN I should be able to be a little more strict with myself and not feel like I'm a complete and utter failure.
I'm still kinda hoping that the new dr will say "yes, you do have every single thyroid issue, here have thyroid medication" and it will fix me. I hate the idea of popping a pill to fix a problem but heck if that is the problem, and that will fix it, I'm willing.
As a fun side experiment, I've stopped taking my thyroid energy support. Two weeks of eating fat, butter, potatoes and what not, I wonder if I'll crash in a couple of days and have no energy to do ANYTHING once again. Generally that is what happens when I stop taking it for what ever reason (run out, forget, etc) It is hard to say if this refeeding experiement is helping if I'm still being propped up by supplements. I did feel the need to take my SAM-E this morning though (along with some dark chocolate) so that aspect of my physical issues hasn't been taken care of yet.
I also find I am dreading this holiday season. I wish I could say to hell with the diet thing, and shove all kinds of cookies, pies, fudge etc at myself, but I know full well that wouldn't make me feel better. I guess this stems from all of the "don't eat X" I have been reading.and I'm afraid to eat a lot of things. Reading labels yesterday at the grocery store I found myself putting back stuff I wanted to eat, because it had X ingredient. I hate fearing food.
I have made it a point to cook on Sunday. I make a big ragout to last me most of the week, some cooked ground beef to add to other dishes, etc. This week my food ran out on Thursday, but I was off on friday so I didn't need to pack a lunch, so I just went lazy. And to top it off, I WANTED pizza on Saturday.
I didn't do too badly on Fri and most of Saturday. I had two small pieces of a medium pizza and maybe that much more of cheezy bread sticks. no where near ideal, I fully admit that, but considering what my cravings wanted before I started eating, not too bad either.
and in response? I gained 5 lbs. I was 217.5 on Sunday morning. Yup. five pounds for not even one pound worth of calories - which when i think about it probably wasn't even over and above my caloric need for the day. (according to charts and weight and height etc, I should be able to eat - which for sedentary is 2097 calories per day to maintain) I didn't really keep track, so I could be off, but I rarely eat more then 1500-1800 calories when left to my own with out a cheat meal. - looks like I ate 780 calories.. yup. 780=5lbs.. how nice.
Now I'm sure you think "well obviously this must be water weight" yea.. right. If I am not obnoxiously careful about calories for the next two days after something like this happens, it stays put.
Even with not eating anything until lunch, then having a greek yogurt /w berries smoothie for lunch, and a very light and sensible dinner, this morning I weighed 214.5
*sigh*
Oddly enough I have to say, I did not enjoy the pizza (hence only having two pieces) which lends to my staying on my diet this upcoming weekend (ha ha ha - I have Christmas Fairs to go to, and Peanut Butter Fudge to stock up on) it would be nice if I could get through at least one weekend. But I'm not stressing. I have the new dr's appointment on Monday. I have thanksgiving coming up, then the week after that a week long trip out of town. THEN I should be able to be a little more strict with myself and not feel like I'm a complete and utter failure.
I'm still kinda hoping that the new dr will say "yes, you do have every single thyroid issue, here have thyroid medication" and it will fix me. I hate the idea of popping a pill to fix a problem but heck if that is the problem, and that will fix it, I'm willing.
As a fun side experiment, I've stopped taking my thyroid energy support. Two weeks of eating fat, butter, potatoes and what not, I wonder if I'll crash in a couple of days and have no energy to do ANYTHING once again. Generally that is what happens when I stop taking it for what ever reason (run out, forget, etc) It is hard to say if this refeeding experiement is helping if I'm still being propped up by supplements. I did feel the need to take my SAM-E this morning though (along with some dark chocolate) so that aspect of my physical issues hasn't been taken care of yet.
I also find I am dreading this holiday season. I wish I could say to hell with the diet thing, and shove all kinds of cookies, pies, fudge etc at myself, but I know full well that wouldn't make me feel better. I guess this stems from all of the "don't eat X" I have been reading.and I'm afraid to eat a lot of things. Reading labels yesterday at the grocery store I found myself putting back stuff I wanted to eat, because it had X ingredient. I hate fearing food.
11.10.2010
212
what the heck?? how did that happen? Last night I weighed and got 217, I was SO sure that I was finally going to start gaining weight on this silly diet.. but nope, I'm down a pound.. *shrug*
that's ok. I have to keep reminding myself this experiment is not about weight really it is about refeeding my body so it isn't nutritionally deprived - if in fact it was. Giving it things it hasn't eaten in years is so yummy, but uber uber strange. I mean potatoes? I get to .. no I should be eating potatoes?? aren't those one of those "white" foods?? and cheese? freaky!
my egg pan was dirty this morning so I had oatmeal. I"ve also been getting leg cramps at night, so I had a smoothie with a banana in it. I should probably look up high potassium foods and see what else I should becramming down my throat eating. So this morning, whey protein/banana/dark cherry smoothie with a serving of red food protein powder in for good measure. The half cup oatmeal made with a cup of whole milk. I was quite shocked when it turned up to be 1pm and I wasn't really hungry. I have to leave the office to run a rather long errand, so I thought I'd have lunch, which is white and black rice (I had bits left over of both, so I made them both this week and they turned out purple, it is kinda fun) left over zucchini and TJ chicken breast, heated up with salsa on it and some yummy local full fat cheese. If I am hungry later, I have roasted potatoes, and the last of my "ragu" and rice with more cheese. Considering how the day is going, I'll probably have the potatoes and save the ragu for dinner. We'll see.
that's ok. I have to keep reminding myself this experiment is not about weight really it is about refeeding my body so it isn't nutritionally deprived - if in fact it was. Giving it things it hasn't eaten in years is so yummy, but uber uber strange. I mean potatoes? I get to .. no I should be eating potatoes?? aren't those one of those "white" foods?? and cheese? freaky!
my egg pan was dirty this morning so I had oatmeal. I"ve also been getting leg cramps at night, so I had a smoothie with a banana in it. I should probably look up high potassium foods and see what else I should be
11.09.2010
sigh
it sucks that I hate this "diet" I'm on. I mean what could possibly be better then all the cheese and sour cream you could want?
I'm jonsing for some fruit and peanut butter though. Not to mention my sugar cravings are still there.
This weekend was a bad one for me, as there was a wake and a funeral to attend, then the obligatory food fest, and so I ate. Then there were other things at home, which I also ate. So I'm back up to 213, and my mid back on my right side hurts. I sat in the sauna last night for a little over an hour, and I feel a bit better, but I'm still achy. Am I achy because of the food I ate, or the food I ate the previous week, or because I slept wrong? who knows. I guess if I get better over the next day or two then it was probably one of the later two. If it gets worse, then it might be the former.
But I've committed to at least one more week of this. If my weight goes back down, or I see improvement in my energy levels or other physical signs this is good, I'll keep going. If not, I'm probably going to add fruit back in to my life.
I do have the referral to a new doctor to deal with as well, and what she recommends I eat..
I'm jonsing for some fruit and peanut butter though. Not to mention my sugar cravings are still there.
This weekend was a bad one for me, as there was a wake and a funeral to attend, then the obligatory food fest, and so I ate. Then there were other things at home, which I also ate. So I'm back up to 213, and my mid back on my right side hurts. I sat in the sauna last night for a little over an hour, and I feel a bit better, but I'm still achy. Am I achy because of the food I ate, or the food I ate the previous week, or because I slept wrong? who knows. I guess if I get better over the next day or two then it was probably one of the later two. If it gets worse, then it might be the former.
But I've committed to at least one more week of this. If my weight goes back down, or I see improvement in my energy levels or other physical signs this is good, I'll keep going. If not, I'm probably going to add fruit back in to my life.
I do have the referral to a new doctor to deal with as well, and what she recommends I eat..
11.04.2010
day three is done
So I was cooking this morning for today's food, and DH was in the room. I lamented that while I hated this "diet" for all the cooking I had to do, I did really enjoy throwing cheese on everything I was eating.
This is so counter to EVERYTHING I've ever read about diet. animal fats = bad!!!! (yes, with all the !'s) so then why am I starting to fee a bit better? I'm no where near saying this is anything yet other then a pain in my tushie (I don't mind cooking, but I hate cleaning, DH usually does that but he's been distracted and pretty much every bowl and pot are piled up in the kitchen waiting to be cleaned) and a lot of fun (did I mention the cheese and butter?) but the scale was actually nice to me this morning. 210.5 Again, I have been hovering at 210 for several months, and had the spike due to a road trip and a glut of TastyKakes, and halloween goodies. But it is shocking to eat gobs of butter and a smattering of cheese and CORN of all things!! (I had my first taste of polenta last night. I ended up toasting it with some butter (so technically it was probably frying) in my toaster oven then putting cheese on it and pairing that with the left over bok choi stir fry from yesterday. Corn is a carb.. corn = bad.. all that GMO stuff etc.
So, three days is no where near any place I can make a conclusion. Am I feeling a tad bit better because I've been avoiding sugar? could be. Weight? Could just be a normal flux. But I do have to say they are encouraging signs to keep going.
I did make a huge pot of chicken soup last night. I bought chicken thighs to do it (see previous post about yelling at DH) and ended up getting it made last night. I forgot how much I HATE cooking chicken, and how I can NOT eat anything I make with it. I was doing fine until I shredded the thighs, at which point I wanted to hurl. DH came home several hours later and tasted it. It was a little bland missing some of the herbs and spices (ok salt and pepper) so I threw some in and gave it a stir, and DH said it was much better and he'd love to eat it. Which is good because it's got turnip and parsnip in it, and it will be nice to get some new veggies into him (he hates anything he's not used to)
This is so counter to EVERYTHING I've ever read about diet. animal fats = bad!!!! (yes, with all the !'s) so then why am I starting to fee a bit better? I'm no where near saying this is anything yet other then a pain in my tushie (I don't mind cooking, but I hate cleaning, DH usually does that but he's been distracted and pretty much every bowl and pot are piled up in the kitchen waiting to be cleaned) and a lot of fun (did I mention the cheese and butter?) but the scale was actually nice to me this morning. 210.5 Again, I have been hovering at 210 for several months, and had the spike due to a road trip and a glut of TastyKakes, and halloween goodies. But it is shocking to eat gobs of butter and a smattering of cheese and CORN of all things!! (I had my first taste of polenta last night. I ended up toasting it with some butter (so technically it was probably frying) in my toaster oven then putting cheese on it and pairing that with the left over bok choi stir fry from yesterday. Corn is a carb.. corn = bad.. all that GMO stuff etc.
So, three days is no where near any place I can make a conclusion. Am I feeling a tad bit better because I've been avoiding sugar? could be. Weight? Could just be a normal flux. But I do have to say they are encouraging signs to keep going.
I did make a huge pot of chicken soup last night. I bought chicken thighs to do it (see previous post about yelling at DH) and ended up getting it made last night. I forgot how much I HATE cooking chicken, and how I can NOT eat anything I make with it. I was doing fine until I shredded the thighs, at which point I wanted to hurl. DH came home several hours later and tasted it. It was a little bland missing some of the herbs and spices (ok salt and pepper) so I threw some in and gave it a stir, and DH said it was much better and he'd love to eat it. Which is good because it's got turnip and parsnip in it, and it will be nice to get some new veggies into him (he hates anything he's not used to)
11.03.2010
Day Two down
Well avoiding the sugar was a little easier yesterday, but not by much. So far today I've been called by left over candy corn and french truffles, the candy corn is not all that appealing, and I have coconut oil fudge to combat the truffle.
Had a huge "discussion" with DH. He makes dinner for us, and I explained on Sunday it was just meat and green veggies. We didn't have any meat in the fridge he could use (I have chicken thighs, but I"m going to make a soup out of them) so you'd have to go out and buy something or thaw the chicken breast we have in the storage freezer. So Monday he decided to make the orange chicken, which does not fall under the no sugar no PUSFA rule which I explained to him ("but it is meat" lamented DH). So Monday night I tried to be as crystal clear as possible, and made him repeat to me that he needed to either "thaw out the chicken breast we have in the freezer or buy something new"
So Tuesday I came home to his trying to cook my chicken thighs. *sigh*
DH is sweet as all get out, but he absolutely positively can not learn to listen to every single solitary word I say, and for the past few years, these have been pretty much the only fights we've had. When I've asked him to do something, and it goes in one ear and out the other, or he half listens to me (making me meat, but not plain or not from the freezer or something he bought) I had such a frustrating day at work fending off sugar cravings that I wanted to hit him, and not in a good way.
I really don't know how to get him to understand things. He has no idea how to get me to understand things. What I don't get though is how he is functional out in the world. He holds down a good job, and is well loved there. So how come he can function there but can't listen to me? I believe him when he says he loves me and he cares, because if I can get him to automate what I need from him, then it gets done. Maybe that's it, maybe his work is 90% automation??? arrgh.
So after about 45 minutes of my trying to figure out how to talk to him so he'll listen, and asking him to figure out a way (usually when I ask him to figure something out, he doesn't. Don't know if he can't, or forgets) to remember things that I tell him are *IMPORTANT* (which I rarely do. Most things are if you could, and if he doesn't in a reasonable amount of time, I simply make him a list) He was asking that maybe I could email him and remind him, but honestly I do not want to treat him like he is five years old. If he needs an email to remind him, then he can email himself. he's 41 years old.. *sigh* but I do love and appreciate most of him.. and if this is my biggest complaint, I should just shut the hell up right? (hey, no reason I can't work for perfection, just so long as I don't expect it and get unreasonable about it right?
so yesterday I was getting hungry before I left work, and I had run out of food. Today I decided to add a kefir smoothie to my morning. But with out fruit, it was down right pathetic. I put a little heavy whipping cream in there for some extra fat hoping that would compensate for the lack of fruit, along with some cinnamon and cardamom. Yup, as expected it was not yummy. I do not like yogurt and yogurt like products with out fruit or sugar. but I was able to drink it. I had the two eggs with onions and peppers and spinach cooked in bacon fat and some cheese. With some soaked oatmeal (with goji berries, they were already a part of the oatmeal) for a mid morning snack - well ok at 11am. It's now 1:20 and I'm jonsing for food again. actually I started wanting something right after the oatmeal. Full and scrounging. I avoided the sugarless gum for about half an hour but my mouth said "SOMETHING NEW!!" so I gave in. I'm hoping I can train my body to only want to chew or taste something at meal times, which I think would be HUGE. If nothing else came of this, I'd be thrilled.
212.5 again this morning (older scale said 211.5 but that thing is unreliable) But again, this is not a weight loss diet.. just keeping track.
Lunch is the remainder of the ragu I made (beef w/ fat, tomato sauce, pumpkin, Kale, onions, peppers garlic) and brown rice and cheese. Yesterday I had the same, and I split it over two meals because I was full in the first one and I ate early enough that I had a feeling I'd want more before I left work, which I did, and still I wanted more.
Yesterday for dinner I ended up having half a bunch of bok choi cooked with onions/peppers/garlic and some braggs amino acids and some cheese. Put it over lentils - and I didn't like the lentils at all. They were precooked from Trader Joe. I liked the other package I got from them (different type) but not this one. I also got some precooked chicken breast from TJ which was surprisingly good and tasty. Ingredients were very simple and it was unflavored, so I went for it.
Tonight I'm going to attempt to make soup with those chicken thighs.. I've made soup in the past and it comes out horridly bland. Will need to stop at the grocery store tonight and will need to look up a recipe this afternoon.
Had a huge "discussion" with DH. He makes dinner for us, and I explained on Sunday it was just meat and green veggies. We didn't have any meat in the fridge he could use (I have chicken thighs, but I"m going to make a soup out of them) so you'd have to go out and buy something or thaw the chicken breast we have in the storage freezer. So Monday he decided to make the orange chicken, which does not fall under the no sugar no PUSFA rule which I explained to him ("but it is meat" lamented DH). So Monday night I tried to be as crystal clear as possible, and made him repeat to me that he needed to either "thaw out the chicken breast we have in the freezer or buy something new"
So Tuesday I came home to his trying to cook my chicken thighs. *sigh*
DH is sweet as all get out, but he absolutely positively can not learn to listen to every single solitary word I say, and for the past few years, these have been pretty much the only fights we've had. When I've asked him to do something, and it goes in one ear and out the other, or he half listens to me (making me meat, but not plain or not from the freezer or something he bought) I had such a frustrating day at work fending off sugar cravings that I wanted to hit him, and not in a good way.
I really don't know how to get him to understand things. He has no idea how to get me to understand things. What I don't get though is how he is functional out in the world. He holds down a good job, and is well loved there. So how come he can function there but can't listen to me? I believe him when he says he loves me and he cares, because if I can get him to automate what I need from him, then it gets done. Maybe that's it, maybe his work is 90% automation??? arrgh.
So after about 45 minutes of my trying to figure out how to talk to him so he'll listen, and asking him to figure out a way (usually when I ask him to figure something out, he doesn't. Don't know if he can't, or forgets) to remember things that I tell him are *IMPORTANT* (which I rarely do. Most things are if you could, and if he doesn't in a reasonable amount of time, I simply make him a list) He was asking that maybe I could email him and remind him, but honestly I do not want to treat him like he is five years old. If he needs an email to remind him, then he can email himself. he's 41 years old.. *sigh* but I do love and appreciate most of him.. and if this is my biggest complaint, I should just shut the hell up right? (hey, no reason I can't work for perfection, just so long as I don't expect it and get unreasonable about it right?
so yesterday I was getting hungry before I left work, and I had run out of food. Today I decided to add a kefir smoothie to my morning. But with out fruit, it was down right pathetic. I put a little heavy whipping cream in there for some extra fat hoping that would compensate for the lack of fruit, along with some cinnamon and cardamom. Yup, as expected it was not yummy. I do not like yogurt and yogurt like products with out fruit or sugar. but I was able to drink it. I had the two eggs with onions and peppers and spinach cooked in bacon fat and some cheese. With some soaked oatmeal (with goji berries, they were already a part of the oatmeal) for a mid morning snack - well ok at 11am. It's now 1:20 and I'm jonsing for food again. actually I started wanting something right after the oatmeal. Full and scrounging. I avoided the sugarless gum for about half an hour but my mouth said "SOMETHING NEW!!" so I gave in. I'm hoping I can train my body to only want to chew or taste something at meal times, which I think would be HUGE. If nothing else came of this, I'd be thrilled.
212.5 again this morning (older scale said 211.5 but that thing is unreliable) But again, this is not a weight loss diet.. just keeping track.
Lunch is the remainder of the ragu I made (beef w/ fat, tomato sauce, pumpkin, Kale, onions, peppers garlic) and brown rice and cheese. Yesterday I had the same, and I split it over two meals because I was full in the first one and I ate early enough that I had a feeling I'd want more before I left work, which I did, and still I wanted more.
Yesterday for dinner I ended up having half a bunch of bok choi cooked with onions/peppers/garlic and some braggs amino acids and some cheese. Put it over lentils - and I didn't like the lentils at all. They were precooked from Trader Joe. I liked the other package I got from them (different type) but not this one. I also got some precooked chicken breast from TJ which was surprisingly good and tasty. Ingredients were very simple and it was unflavored, so I went for it.
Tonight I'm going to attempt to make soup with those chicken thighs.. I've made soup in the past and it comes out horridly bland. Will need to stop at the grocery store tonight and will need to look up a recipe this afternoon.
11.02.2010
Day one
Ok, so day one was a "fail" - although that is a pretty strict term isn't it. Lets just call it a rough start.
I ate a few things on my own that were in the "lets not" category, and when I got home, DH hadn't listened to me and wanted to make orange chicken for dinner... covered with a sugary orange sauce and breaded.. *sigh* and in not listening to me, he hadn't picked up anything more appropriate nor had he thawed out any chicken we had in the freezer. So I decided to not stress over it and eat the orange chicken (since I already planned to finish off the pumpkin tart we bought last week so I didn't shove it down my gullet on Sunday)
So probably no where near the 90% day I planned on, but hey, starting a new eating plan is almost never easy (unless you are doing the see-food diet)
Today is rife with temptations too. I went and voted and there was a bake sale with whoopie pies (yes, I bought) and a co-worker went and voted and picked up goodies for the office, and those darn french truffles are still here.
And it is very annoying when I get the urge to eat something to have to constantly ask myself "are you hungry". Most of the time the answer is no... my mouth just wants something different tasting, because that is what it is used to.
Weight this morning was 212.5. This isn't a weight loss diet - although I'd be thrilled if I did. This is a restore my body so it will be well nourished and will work properly diet. and hopefully that working properly thing will include shedding unnecessary weight.. I am prepared to start gaining since I'm not restricting my calories, and I'm eating when ever I'm hungry (and lots of fats - way more then I've been used to) It will be a fair trade if I start feeling human again.
I ate a few things on my own that were in the "lets not" category, and when I got home, DH hadn't listened to me and wanted to make orange chicken for dinner... covered with a sugary orange sauce and breaded.. *sigh* and in not listening to me, he hadn't picked up anything more appropriate nor had he thawed out any chicken we had in the freezer. So I decided to not stress over it and eat the orange chicken (since I already planned to finish off the pumpkin tart we bought last week so I didn't shove it down my gullet on Sunday)
So probably no where near the 90% day I planned on, but hey, starting a new eating plan is almost never easy (unless you are doing the see-food diet)
Today is rife with temptations too. I went and voted and there was a bake sale with whoopie pies (yes, I bought) and a co-worker went and voted and picked up goodies for the office, and those darn french truffles are still here.
And it is very annoying when I get the urge to eat something to have to constantly ask myself "are you hungry". Most of the time the answer is no... my mouth just wants something different tasting, because that is what it is used to.
Weight this morning was 212.5. This isn't a weight loss diet - although I'd be thrilled if I did. This is a restore my body so it will be well nourished and will work properly diet. and hopefully that working properly thing will include shedding unnecessary weight.. I am prepared to start gaining since I'm not restricting my calories, and I'm eating when ever I'm hungry (and lots of fats - way more then I've been used to) It will be a fair trade if I start feeling human again.
11.01.2010
day one fail
Yes, I am an all or nothing kind of girl. But at least I can accept the fail and move on.
SO far I've already had two (small) pieces of chocolate. One was a french truffle (OMG YUM!! I know what I want for Christmas) the other was a bit off a dark chocolate bar (High cocoa % so technically very little sugar in it, but yet there is still sugar)
all I can think of today is that story about the jar full of rocks. You know the one where the professor brings a jar into a class and fills it up with really big rocks and asks the kids if the jar is full. They all say yes, and he then puts in some smaller rocks, asks again, they say yes again, he puts in some pebbles, asks again yes again, and he pours in sand, ask/yes, then pours in water.
I'm full. My stomach is saying, "we're good!, no need to send down anything else" the mouth is screaming for something else though. I'm trying to stay away from sugarless gum and what not, hoping in a few days this constant need to nosh regardless of what my stomach is saying will go away.
Does my white tea count though? Should I have saved this for a meal? *shrug*
SO far I've already had two (small) pieces of chocolate. One was a french truffle (OMG YUM!! I know what I want for Christmas) the other was a bit off a dark chocolate bar (High cocoa % so technically very little sugar in it, but yet there is still sugar)
all I can think of today is that story about the jar full of rocks. You know the one where the professor brings a jar into a class and fills it up with really big rocks and asks the kids if the jar is full. They all say yes, and he then puts in some smaller rocks, asks again, they say yes again, he puts in some pebbles, asks again yes again, and he pours in sand, ask/yes, then pours in water.
I'm full. My stomach is saying, "we're good!, no need to send down anything else" the mouth is screaming for something else though. I'm trying to stay away from sugarless gum and what not, hoping in a few days this constant need to nosh regardless of what my stomach is saying will go away.
Does my white tea count though? Should I have saved this for a meal? *shrug*
trying something new
as you can tell, I'm trying something new (how can you tell? I'm posting on my blog.. lol)
So I'm still gaining weight (sorta - I've been 210 for quite some time, and currently due to some Halloween snacking I was 213 the other day) I'm still tired as all get out, and I'm still exercising every day 40 minutes almost every day, and eating under 2000 calories. I plan 1200-1400 calorie meal plan, and I end up having a bite of this or a bit of that. According to the "experts" I should be 150 by now.. and I'm not.
I should have energy and feel good, but I don't. (and yes, my thyroid is fine according to the multitude of blood work)
I went and had my annual on Friday. I talked to my dr about it and showed her the "thyroid support" supplement I'm taking that helps me get through my day. She recommended I go see someone else, so I'm waiting for a referal.
She looked up the info from the last specialist she sent me to. I didn't like him at all. All he had for me was surgery - which does not make any sense at all since I did lose the weight in the first place. There has got to be a dysfunction going on somewhere, and it absolutely is not that I'm eating too much, and I am NOT a fan of having part of my body removed not knowing that this is where the dysfunction is. I had my hormone levels checked, and my testosterone was very low (but just barely on the "normal" side of things) and I asked about supplementing it, and he said no, I didn't want that cause I'd turn into a guy (ok so that isn't what he said, he said I'd lose my hair and grow facial hair etc, side effect issues) well the report he sent my doctor said he wouldn't recommend high dose testosterone supplementation. I didn't ask for high dose supplementation, I simply asked about supplementing it!! arrgh. What an old friggen fart! (and yes, he was old, and he was friggen annoying on more then one level)
so anyway.. what is a extremely tired and cold girl to do now that the heat wave that was this summer is over? I've started reading several blogs about alternative nutrition (for lack of a better term) these blogs believe in soaking grains before eating them to (forgive me for bad paraphrasing) get rid of the anti-nutrients, as well as believe in eating all those things demonized by weight loss "gurus" such as full fat unpasturized milk, raw cheese, meats, fats, lard, bone broth (ok maybe not so much that one being demonized, but I've not heard it recommended as part of a healthy diet before) and organs.
So there are a few things I refuse to eat, and organs are one of them. I am not a fan of eating meat in general, but once it is all processed I can do it. So for the "I've tried everything else, what the hell" factor, I'm trying this new thing, eat anything you want save for polyunsaturated fats (vegetable oils) and fructose (fruit and most sweetened things) when ever you are hungry. The thought is that my body is starving for nutrients I haven't been giving it - which makes sense, as I said, I'm not a huge meat eater, I often have to remind myself to eat healthy fats and the such.
The kicker is that PUSFA is in almost everything premade. So cooking is going to be an integral part of this little experiment. I'm not a fan of cooking, mostly because I do not clean, and DH is pretty lazy about it, so having enough dishes to cook on and counter space to cook with is at a premium. But I figure if I cook once every couple of days, it shouldn't be so bad. In that vain, last night I made a ragu with beef, onions, peppers, garlic, pumpkin puree and kale. I made it a while back and it was yummo. I'm going to eat it with some brown rice (I'm going to try eating the ragu warm and the rice cold to take advantage of resistance starch) Breakfast consisted of two eggs scrambled with some heavy cream, some onions and peppers and spinach with some full fat aged cheddar cheese. I wasn't hungry when I made it so I packed it up and brought it to work - which wasn't the best idea. Eggs need to be eaten hot... so I'm not sure how often I'll be eating that.
I brought some oatmeal w/coconut oil cinnamon and cardamon and macadamia nuts for a possible afternoon snack (or possibly a morning snack but since it is now almost 11 AM, it isn't looking like I'm going to eat it now) and I did make some coconut oil fudge, which was not all that good. I made it with peanutbutter last time, but since that contains PUSFA, I made chocolate this time. Trying not to include too much sugar, cocoa and oil does not make a good snack. I threw in a little maple syrup which helped.
I need to remind myself this isn't about eating yummy, but eating healthy in a yummy way.
To which end, I baked some bacon (for DH, as I am not a fan of real bacon myself) and use the drippings to roast some brussels sprouts which were really good, and some baby potatoes which also showed up in today's lunch as yet another possible snack - since I am supposed to eat when ever I am hungry.
Only problem with this scenario, is that my body often SCREAMS for sugary stuff despite being full. Last night I was quite full, but I was able to shove down four cinnamon buns (cause they were "halloweened" by changing the frosting from white to orange.. yes I'm a sucker for marketing) I am hoping that by feeding it whole and wholesome foods that the screaming for sugar will subside - ok I'm hoping it will stop by I am not delusional. I'm hoping the "fudge" i have will ease that if it gets too strong.
The other part of this experiment is to stop exercising. The point of this is to give my body a rest from all the stress of not getting enough nutrients and exercising so much. (I personally don't think I've been exercising 'too much', but exercising is stress on the body, and the ideal is complete bed rest while doing this, so I'm all for not getting up an hour earlier each morning)
Seems so counter intuitive, but hey, not eating sugar and refined carbs (even if they were low fat and low calorie) has got to do my body good.
If I lose weight, I'll be shocked. If I maintain, I'll be surprised. If I feel better, I'll be so glad.
I'm not expecting anything but to eat good healthy food and gain weight. as I said, we'll see.
(I'm weighing tomorrow, and we'll see how this goes. It should be a month, but I've definitely committed to a week, mostly because eating unprocessed foods can be so incredibly time consuming and space consuming. Keeping all this food fresh and available is not going to be easy)
So I'm still gaining weight (sorta - I've been 210 for quite some time, and currently due to some Halloween snacking I was 213 the other day) I'm still tired as all get out, and I'm still exercising every day 40 minutes almost every day, and eating under 2000 calories. I plan 1200-1400 calorie meal plan, and I end up having a bite of this or a bit of that. According to the "experts" I should be 150 by now.. and I'm not.
I should have energy and feel good, but I don't. (and yes, my thyroid is fine according to the multitude of blood work)
I went and had my annual on Friday. I talked to my dr about it and showed her the "thyroid support" supplement I'm taking that helps me get through my day. She recommended I go see someone else, so I'm waiting for a referal.
She looked up the info from the last specialist she sent me to. I didn't like him at all. All he had for me was surgery - which does not make any sense at all since I did lose the weight in the first place. There has got to be a dysfunction going on somewhere, and it absolutely is not that I'm eating too much, and I am NOT a fan of having part of my body removed not knowing that this is where the dysfunction is. I had my hormone levels checked, and my testosterone was very low (but just barely on the "normal" side of things) and I asked about supplementing it, and he said no, I didn't want that cause I'd turn into a guy (ok so that isn't what he said, he said I'd lose my hair and grow facial hair etc, side effect issues) well the report he sent my doctor said he wouldn't recommend high dose testosterone supplementation. I didn't ask for high dose supplementation, I simply asked about supplementing it!! arrgh. What an old friggen fart! (and yes, he was old, and he was friggen annoying on more then one level)
so anyway.. what is a extremely tired and cold girl to do now that the heat wave that was this summer is over? I've started reading several blogs about alternative nutrition (for lack of a better term) these blogs believe in soaking grains before eating them to (forgive me for bad paraphrasing) get rid of the anti-nutrients, as well as believe in eating all those things demonized by weight loss "gurus" such as full fat unpasturized milk, raw cheese, meats, fats, lard, bone broth (ok maybe not so much that one being demonized, but I've not heard it recommended as part of a healthy diet before) and organs.
So there are a few things I refuse to eat, and organs are one of them. I am not a fan of eating meat in general, but once it is all processed I can do it. So for the "I've tried everything else, what the hell" factor, I'm trying this new thing, eat anything you want save for polyunsaturated fats (vegetable oils) and fructose (fruit and most sweetened things) when ever you are hungry. The thought is that my body is starving for nutrients I haven't been giving it - which makes sense, as I said, I'm not a huge meat eater, I often have to remind myself to eat healthy fats and the such.
The kicker is that PUSFA is in almost everything premade. So cooking is going to be an integral part of this little experiment. I'm not a fan of cooking, mostly because I do not clean, and DH is pretty lazy about it, so having enough dishes to cook on and counter space to cook with is at a premium. But I figure if I cook once every couple of days, it shouldn't be so bad. In that vain, last night I made a ragu with beef, onions, peppers, garlic, pumpkin puree and kale. I made it a while back and it was yummo. I'm going to eat it with some brown rice (I'm going to try eating the ragu warm and the rice cold to take advantage of resistance starch) Breakfast consisted of two eggs scrambled with some heavy cream, some onions and peppers and spinach with some full fat aged cheddar cheese. I wasn't hungry when I made it so I packed it up and brought it to work - which wasn't the best idea. Eggs need to be eaten hot... so I'm not sure how often I'll be eating that.
I brought some oatmeal w/coconut oil cinnamon and cardamon and macadamia nuts for a possible afternoon snack (or possibly a morning snack but since it is now almost 11 AM, it isn't looking like I'm going to eat it now) and I did make some coconut oil fudge, which was not all that good. I made it with peanutbutter last time, but since that contains PUSFA, I made chocolate this time. Trying not to include too much sugar, cocoa and oil does not make a good snack. I threw in a little maple syrup which helped.
I need to remind myself this isn't about eating yummy, but eating healthy in a yummy way.
To which end, I baked some bacon (for DH, as I am not a fan of real bacon myself) and use the drippings to roast some brussels sprouts which were really good, and some baby potatoes which also showed up in today's lunch as yet another possible snack - since I am supposed to eat when ever I am hungry.
Only problem with this scenario, is that my body often SCREAMS for sugary stuff despite being full. Last night I was quite full, but I was able to shove down four cinnamon buns (cause they were "halloweened" by changing the frosting from white to orange.. yes I'm a sucker for marketing) I am hoping that by feeding it whole and wholesome foods that the screaming for sugar will subside - ok I'm hoping it will stop by I am not delusional. I'm hoping the "fudge" i have will ease that if it gets too strong.
The other part of this experiment is to stop exercising. The point of this is to give my body a rest from all the stress of not getting enough nutrients and exercising so much. (I personally don't think I've been exercising 'too much', but exercising is stress on the body, and the ideal is complete bed rest while doing this, so I'm all for not getting up an hour earlier each morning)
Seems so counter intuitive, but hey, not eating sugar and refined carbs (even if they were low fat and low calorie) has got to do my body good.
If I lose weight, I'll be shocked. If I maintain, I'll be surprised. If I feel better, I'll be so glad.
I'm not expecting anything but to eat good healthy food and gain weight. as I said, we'll see.
(I'm weighing tomorrow, and we'll see how this goes. It should be a month, but I've definitely committed to a week, mostly because eating unprocessed foods can be so incredibly time consuming and space consuming. Keeping all this food fresh and available is not going to be easy)
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