I've had a crappy few days. I've had my first ever UTI (fortunately it appears I am able to clear it on my own, things are much better and still improving) and one of my teeth hurts (which again seems to be improving) and as a result of both of these and my mood I am not eating all that much.
so what happens? the scale GOES UP!! stupid asinine scale..
Doesn't help that I'm a few days away from that monthly sucking horror I hate so much.. and it doesn't help this is the first week I've been with out my hormone supplement. (progesterone) not that I think that really matters because I've never been all that regular about taking it.
*sigh*
Every fiber of my being is telling me to run, to hide. I feel so much like a feral cat at the moment I'm not quite sure how I'm dealing with it all.
anyway, the scale gave me a number that is higher then I've ever been before. I now literally have 100 extra pounds to lose.
and I'm depressed.
but at least it is now a close tie between sucking wind and aching legs when I exercise.. so either my lungs are getting stronger or my legs are getting more annoyed with me..
8.08.2012
8.02.2012
arrrgh!
Sorry, rant coming.
I am at work. i am the 'receptionist' / 'secretary' / accounts payable / billing aka your jack of all trades office worker for a bunch of sales people.
I have a nice large looking receptionist type desk with a ledge on one side. I use my entire desk because seriously there isn't enough space for all I have to do most days.
Why is it when I put things on MY desk other people feel they can walk up and take things off MY DESK! Seriously? I don't go up to your desk and take stuff.. no one else would either, so why is my desk OK to do this to??
There are things I have to process before they go out into the office. If you bypass that processing stage then THEY DON'T GET PROCESSED!
but that is neither here nor there. What pisses me off that they take stuff with out talking to me. If I'm not here my desk if fair game and I can't tell you how much that irks me.
So if that is the way you want to play it, next time you are out of the office, I'm gonna start messin with your crap!
I am at work. i am the 'receptionist' / 'secretary' / accounts payable / billing aka your jack of all trades office worker for a bunch of sales people.
I have a nice large looking receptionist type desk with a ledge on one side. I use my entire desk because seriously there isn't enough space for all I have to do most days.
Why is it when I put things on MY desk other people feel they can walk up and take things off MY DESK! Seriously? I don't go up to your desk and take stuff.. no one else would either, so why is my desk OK to do this to??
There are things I have to process before they go out into the office. If you bypass that processing stage then THEY DON'T GET PROCESSED!
but that is neither here nor there. What pisses me off that they take stuff with out talking to me. If I'm not here my desk if fair game and I can't tell you how much that irks me.
So if that is the way you want to play it, next time you are out of the office, I'm gonna start messin with your crap!
6.19.2012
Discombobulated
Well now this is pretty interesting. I didn't think this would be my reaction to this type of situation, but it is, and I think I find my reaction to it a bit more disturbing then anything else.
This past father's day my sister and I bought my dad an iPad. the newest model, all the bells and whistles. Which is quite a riot when you think about it since my dad is much more of a pencil and paper kind of guy. I'm not surprised he mentioned he'd like one - I mean seriously, who wouldn't like one?? but I'm surprised anyone took him seriously about it. But whatever. She already bought it and going in on it seemed to make the most sense.
We spend the day setting it up, talking about it, schedualing a class to take him in to learn how to use it. I was the designated chaperone because a) I'm the techy of the house and b) I get the least frustrated with him and c) his grandson wasn't around to volunteer. I don't mind, I like spending time with my dad. He's a big a curmudgeon as I am, and we get along well.
There was some good natured jabbering via online communication after I had left, and Monday sometime after lunch someone broke into his house and stole his iPad along with a laptop and a few other things of value.
At first I was just told it was the iPad via my sister. She called to get the password so she could lock it. I thought that by posting to my father's facebook page we started something.
Turns out his facebook profile isn't visible to anyone but family, so that wasn't likely. Not to mention the full story is they took more than the iPad.
I'm ticked, and stressed about the whole thing. But not because my parents were broken into. Weird as that sounds. I'm mad that he doesn't have the iPad and I can't chatter with him. I'm also mad that it was just a matter of hours that he had it (maybe what? 24? if that??) I'm mad that people don't "play fair". I'm sick and tired of people doing things like this (and theft in particular) to get what they want and not 'playing by the rules'
To further illustrate where I am mentally, there was a meme posted recently by someone I follow on twitter. It was one of those stupid internet memes with some nondescript person sitting there with a quote next to them. This one said something along the lines of the woman in line has a new iphone and a coach bag and food stamps, yup, seems legit.
Just about every reply to it was "don't judge!!". A few people took it a little too personally, thinking it was a personal insult. One woman explained she bought an iPhone and had an expensive bag while she had a job that could support her and after she lost her job she needed to go on assistance.
OK yes, fine. I'm absolutely sure that happens. but
If you are on public assistance for food, how are you affording an $80 phone bill each month?? Seems to me that there are cheaper options. Ok, so you have a contract with them and can't break the contract with out heavy penalties.. but is that really more expensive then paying out the rest of your contract??
And even if it is, I would say that is one exception. There are way too many people scamming the system to get free money from the government and then buying things that most of us who aren't on public assistance would have a hard time affording. When I was a cashier at a grocery store, all too often I would see people buying food with their food stamps, then spending cash on alcohol and cigarettes and often a lot more of it then they did on food. Or people in brand new designer clothing, etc.
And since they are spending my money (all be it a very small portion of it is mine, cause I do pay my taxes) I think I do have the right to judge if this seems fair or not.
Yes, some cases it is fair. Some cases it is legit. But in a lot of cases I am betting it isn't. and I think as a citizen who pays into the system that is designed to help people I have every right to say out loud and in general that it isn't right. I would never question an individual in particular, because a) I'm not in their shoes and b) that isn't my job. but, I think we need to say to the people who's job it is - be aware, there is fraud out there... we are aware of it and so should you!!
It is people like this.. that scam the system or steal from others... that ruin charity for me. I want to be generous. I want to give to those in need, but how on earth do you determine who is in real need and who is telling the world they have cancer and do fundraising when they are perfectly healthy. or the people who 'need presents for their kids'?
It sucks.
and it sucks that when you say something about it, you are often called judgmental and wrong.. since when did it become a crime to call something that walks like a duck and quacks like a duck most likely to be a duck... or at least a very well trained parrot...
if I have to "play by the rules' then darn it, so should the rest of you!!
and give my dad back his iPad!
This past father's day my sister and I bought my dad an iPad. the newest model, all the bells and whistles. Which is quite a riot when you think about it since my dad is much more of a pencil and paper kind of guy. I'm not surprised he mentioned he'd like one - I mean seriously, who wouldn't like one?? but I'm surprised anyone took him seriously about it. But whatever. She already bought it and going in on it seemed to make the most sense.
We spend the day setting it up, talking about it, schedualing a class to take him in to learn how to use it. I was the designated chaperone because a) I'm the techy of the house and b) I get the least frustrated with him and c) his grandson wasn't around to volunteer. I don't mind, I like spending time with my dad. He's a big a curmudgeon as I am, and we get along well.
There was some good natured jabbering via online communication after I had left, and Monday sometime after lunch someone broke into his house and stole his iPad along with a laptop and a few other things of value.
At first I was just told it was the iPad via my sister. She called to get the password so she could lock it. I thought that by posting to my father's facebook page we started something.
Turns out his facebook profile isn't visible to anyone but family, so that wasn't likely. Not to mention the full story is they took more than the iPad.
I'm ticked, and stressed about the whole thing. But not because my parents were broken into. Weird as that sounds. I'm mad that he doesn't have the iPad and I can't chatter with him. I'm also mad that it was just a matter of hours that he had it (maybe what? 24? if that??) I'm mad that people don't "play fair". I'm sick and tired of people doing things like this (and theft in particular) to get what they want and not 'playing by the rules'
To further illustrate where I am mentally, there was a meme posted recently by someone I follow on twitter. It was one of those stupid internet memes with some nondescript person sitting there with a quote next to them. This one said something along the lines of the woman in line has a new iphone and a coach bag and food stamps, yup, seems legit.
Just about every reply to it was "don't judge!!". A few people took it a little too personally, thinking it was a personal insult. One woman explained she bought an iPhone and had an expensive bag while she had a job that could support her and after she lost her job she needed to go on assistance.
OK yes, fine. I'm absolutely sure that happens. but
If you are on public assistance for food, how are you affording an $80 phone bill each month?? Seems to me that there are cheaper options. Ok, so you have a contract with them and can't break the contract with out heavy penalties.. but is that really more expensive then paying out the rest of your contract??
And even if it is, I would say that is one exception. There are way too many people scamming the system to get free money from the government and then buying things that most of us who aren't on public assistance would have a hard time affording. When I was a cashier at a grocery store, all too often I would see people buying food with their food stamps, then spending cash on alcohol and cigarettes and often a lot more of it then they did on food. Or people in brand new designer clothing, etc.
And since they are spending my money (all be it a very small portion of it is mine, cause I do pay my taxes) I think I do have the right to judge if this seems fair or not.
Yes, some cases it is fair. Some cases it is legit. But in a lot of cases I am betting it isn't. and I think as a citizen who pays into the system that is designed to help people I have every right to say out loud and in general that it isn't right. I would never question an individual in particular, because a) I'm not in their shoes and b) that isn't my job. but, I think we need to say to the people who's job it is - be aware, there is fraud out there... we are aware of it and so should you!!
It is people like this.. that scam the system or steal from others... that ruin charity for me. I want to be generous. I want to give to those in need, but how on earth do you determine who is in real need and who is telling the world they have cancer and do fundraising when they are perfectly healthy. or the people who 'need presents for their kids'?
It sucks.
and it sucks that when you say something about it, you are often called judgmental and wrong.. since when did it become a crime to call something that walks like a duck and quacks like a duck most likely to be a duck... or at least a very well trained parrot...
if I have to "play by the rules' then darn it, so should the rest of you!!
and give my dad back his iPad!
4.03.2012
Dear people
Dear people who didn't shower or for some other reason think they stink,
I would like you to know there is nothing more offensive then showering yourself in perfume and then pretending you smell good. I don't care HOW rank you think you smell, your own personal body odor is FAR superior to your own personal smelly body odor covered in perfume.
period.
Thank you,
Those of us with noses.
I would like you to know there is nothing more offensive then showering yourself in perfume and then pretending you smell good. I don't care HOW rank you think you smell, your own personal body odor is FAR superior to your own personal smelly body odor covered in perfume.
period.
Thank you,
Those of us with noses.
3.12.2012
ouch
A few days ago I woke up with a sore spot on my upper back (around the shoulder blade) and I figured I just slept wrong. It happens. But it didn't go away (it happens) and now it has moved into my neck. I almost feel like I have a bit of whip lash.. it's just so bizarre. But I know that when I hurt one ankle and favor it, the other foot starts hurting from over use, so I'm sure there is a bit of that going on. I have my moments, sometimes it hurts more then others.
Had a full weekend. Went out with family, invited more family over to visit, then went to an even bigger family function. So unlike me. it went surprisingly well, but it did eat up a great deal of the weekend.
I stopped in at JCP also. I bought a pair of sapphire earrings and a new shirt. I wasn't thrilled with the quality of some of the clothing.. but I was impressed with the prices and not all of the clothing was painfully thin. I so wish I was at my ideal weight (or even weight stable) so I could buy a whole new pretty wardrobe.. (although I'm sure if I had to buy a whole new wardrobe I'd be pulling my hair out trying to find pieces that worked - I know full well that the fantasy and the reality have very little to do with one another) In time.
I did buy a Groupon to have my arms worked on. I really need to get off my duff and get that scheduled. I think I'm ready and will start that pretty quickly. If they can shave a few inches off my arms I'll fit into a lot nicer clothing which will make me feel a bit less like a freak. I know we all have issues fitting into premade clothing, but my thighs and my arms make it very difficult on my waist and my chest. I'd be a lot happier if I only had one of those issues, and I can deal with my hips.. :) This is going to be the non surgical option.. Since my arms are 16 inches or so, I don't think a few inches is unreasonable..
Had a full weekend. Went out with family, invited more family over to visit, then went to an even bigger family function. So unlike me. it went surprisingly well, but it did eat up a great deal of the weekend.
I stopped in at JCP also. I bought a pair of sapphire earrings and a new shirt. I wasn't thrilled with the quality of some of the clothing.. but I was impressed with the prices and not all of the clothing was painfully thin. I so wish I was at my ideal weight (or even weight stable) so I could buy a whole new pretty wardrobe.. (although I'm sure if I had to buy a whole new wardrobe I'd be pulling my hair out trying to find pieces that worked - I know full well that the fantasy and the reality have very little to do with one another) In time.
I did buy a Groupon to have my arms worked on. I really need to get off my duff and get that scheduled. I think I'm ready and will start that pretty quickly. If they can shave a few inches off my arms I'll fit into a lot nicer clothing which will make me feel a bit less like a freak. I know we all have issues fitting into premade clothing, but my thighs and my arms make it very difficult on my waist and my chest. I'd be a lot happier if I only had one of those issues, and I can deal with my hips.. :) This is going to be the non surgical option.. Since my arms are 16 inches or so, I don't think a few inches is unreasonable..
3.05.2012
Being thankful
I spend a lot of my day cursing what isn't. It annoys me I can't have everything I want when I want it - especially since I'm not asking for diamond crusted jewels or limos or being able to jet off to tropical destinations when it snows. I want pants that fit, thighs that shrink instead of grow, to sleep through the night and to wake up refreshed and ready to go - seriously, I don't think that is unreasonable.
But
Then I see people talk about dealing with cancer, the death of loved ones, being homeless, being disabled, and I have to stop and remember that while a lot of my life falls short of the awesome department, there is a lot to be thankful for..
and it sucks that I have to actually REMIND MYSELF OF THAT! arrgh. I wish my brain were designed just to be glad I have a warm bed to lay in when I'm awake and can't sleep after a night mare. Or that I have happy healthy kitties when they are pounding on my bladder or pulling my hair..
So I stop... I breathe.. and I remember the 10 or so not so nice aspects of my day or life should not out shadow the rest.
My job is boring, but I have one, and my boss is awesome. I've had really cruddy bosses in the past, so yea! for that one.
I'm so friggen tired all the time, but I do have energy to do what I NEED to do. I can power through and get most of the to-do list done each day. bigger projects can wait, and they do wait very nicely for me... and how great is it that. the world isn't going to fall apart if I don't finish cleaning up my office..
I'm also thankful for the cute little ol men who are out and about in my community. (although I'm sure they'd object to be called cute little ol men) who hold the door open for me or other people. Who are out with their wives and are sweet to them - holding their coats to put on, etc. I missed out on having grandparents, and I just love seeing old men and old couples (but for some reason old women aren't dear to my heart) out and about.
But
Then I see people talk about dealing with cancer, the death of loved ones, being homeless, being disabled, and I have to stop and remember that while a lot of my life falls short of the awesome department, there is a lot to be thankful for..
and it sucks that I have to actually REMIND MYSELF OF THAT! arrgh. I wish my brain were designed just to be glad I have a warm bed to lay in when I'm awake and can't sleep after a night mare. Or that I have happy healthy kitties when they are pounding on my bladder or pulling my hair..
So I stop... I breathe.. and I remember the 10 or so not so nice aspects of my day or life should not out shadow the rest.
My job is boring, but I have one, and my boss is awesome. I've had really cruddy bosses in the past, so yea! for that one.
I'm so friggen tired all the time, but I do have energy to do what I NEED to do. I can power through and get most of the to-do list done each day. bigger projects can wait, and they do wait very nicely for me... and how great is it that. the world isn't going to fall apart if I don't finish cleaning up my office..
I'm also thankful for the cute little ol men who are out and about in my community. (although I'm sure they'd object to be called cute little ol men) who hold the door open for me or other people. Who are out with their wives and are sweet to them - holding their coats to put on, etc. I missed out on having grandparents, and I just love seeing old men and old couples (but for some reason old women aren't dear to my heart) out and about.
2.29.2012
a dream
Now this was interesting. I "woke up" in my dream. I was sleeping in my car (that I own now) outside of the house I grew up in. My husband was sleeping next to me. There was frost on the windows. I woke him up and told him it was time to go home, so we unreclined our seats and he started driving. I lived on a dead end street, and he drove towards the woods, and made as if to drive into them (via the path that we used to explore the woods, that was no where near car sized) I said you can't go this way, and he got annoyed with me but turned the car around. All of a sudden there were gorillas that we had to avoid, and a giant tree spirit of the tree that grew in the neighbor's yard (near our mailbox) that was laying around the street and in the yards cut to pieces (even though in RL the tree had been cut down years before.. )
I spoke to the tree spirit and apologized for it being cut down, and it let us pass, and we drove home.
There was more to this, but I don't remember much else..
gorillas?? I love how my mind wanders when I'm sleeping. I guess I'm just glad it isn't being mad at me any more and giving me nightmares.
Speaking of nightmares, I do remember that I had one a few days/week ago.. I remember waking up quite shaken.. but fortunately I don't remember what it was.
Well February is almost over.. It seemed to take a really long time this year. Last year I thought it would be nice to take a trip in February to get away from the cold and to break up the dread of getting through the winter with out anything to look forward to. But the weather hasn't been bad, and I just can't see traveling anywhere on my limited food choices - not that I really enjoy traveling.. but it might have been nice to do a little shopping and go somewhere warm and go swimming.. but it just didn't work out this year and it seems to have worked out OK.
I made a cake for DH yesterday, and I had a piece. I was totally unimpressed with it (but everyone else raved about it) and I have decided to try to do with out sugar today. Probably tomorrow too, but absolutely no sugar today. My pear doesn't count..
I spoke to the tree spirit and apologized for it being cut down, and it let us pass, and we drove home.
There was more to this, but I don't remember much else..
gorillas?? I love how my mind wanders when I'm sleeping. I guess I'm just glad it isn't being mad at me any more and giving me nightmares.
Speaking of nightmares, I do remember that I had one a few days/week ago.. I remember waking up quite shaken.. but fortunately I don't remember what it was.
Well February is almost over.. It seemed to take a really long time this year. Last year I thought it would be nice to take a trip in February to get away from the cold and to break up the dread of getting through the winter with out anything to look forward to. But the weather hasn't been bad, and I just can't see traveling anywhere on my limited food choices - not that I really enjoy traveling.. but it might have been nice to do a little shopping and go somewhere warm and go swimming.. but it just didn't work out this year and it seems to have worked out OK.
I made a cake for DH yesterday, and I had a piece. I was totally unimpressed with it (but everyone else raved about it) and I have decided to try to do with out sugar today. Probably tomorrow too, but absolutely no sugar today. My pear doesn't count..
2.13.2012
Just noticed something
So I have been working in this office for over 5 years. I have been cold the entire time. Recently we hired another worker who is part time. She is cold. The manager and one of the sales associates (it is a small office) are warm people, so they kept the temp pretty low. We hire another full time sales associate, call her a sales manager. She's cold. Now all of a sudden the office is kept at a nice balmy temp and I haven't really felt the need to use my space heater in a while.
The "You are so insignificant" portion of my ego, the one that tells me I do not matter in society (and heck even if I don't I really don't care - but sometimes it is really inconvenient in my life when the whole world doesn't revolve around me) can't help but wonder if we are now keeping the place warm because SHE is here..
(yes, SHE.. I don't much like her as she is tall and thin. Yes, she is nice and pleasant and sweet and all that, but I just can't get over the fact that she is tall and blond and thin and that bothers me Yes, I know, that is judgmental of me, and I really shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I do my best not to let it show, and since it really only bugs me when I am looking right at her (and not her face.. I can look at her face and be polite and kind), I do my best not to spend a great deal of time looking at her. Maybe I should. Maybe it would "desensitize" me to her thinness and her blondness and her tallness.. *sigh* I really am pathetic)
I really don't want this blog to be a place I just come and rant. I'd like for it to be something and mean something, but I don't really have a focus on what. Generally I mean it to be my journal, for me. Something I could look back on if I chose to (I have real paper and pen journals that I almost never look back in. I do from time to time when I find them when I am looking for something else - I might open to a random page and see what i was thinking)
I generally don't feel I have much to say that the "general public" wants to hear. I have often said I am not fit for human consumption. and I believe this to be true. This blog is called "outside the norm" because that is how I feel when ever I try to have a conversation with a group of people... when I try to join a forum.. heck when I try to talk to my co-workers. even my own immediate family. Sometimes even my husband doesn't really understand me.. (but then again who ever really understands someone else 100% of the time?)
I am perfectly content meandering through life, not causing any trouble, being a help when I can.. I have no great ambition in life other then not to be made to be belittled by someone else. I am happy with my corner of the world and how I have set it up, the "decorations hung on the walls" if you will. Granted there are times that I wish I would win the lottery - and there are times I randomly play - but mostly what I would do with the money is support the causes I support now.. just more of it. I would probably quit work to be more active in the charities I believe in, but I don't see me buying a great big house and traveling (OK I'd probably have a fire place installed and some landscaping done.. and I'd probably hire someone to do housework since I hate that)
I am very thankful for what I do have, and that I am in the position that I am in that I can enjoy this. While not rich, I am far from poor. I have a job that I don't NEED TO HAVE (I've had those, those suck no matter what they are and how much you might like the job)
There is a lot about my life I would change if I had the proverbial three wishes.. I think about those a lot. but they are pretty minor when you consider what other people might wish for. I would like to weigh less then I do, I would like not to be as tired as I am all the time. I'd like for my headaches to go away and not come back.
But I'd also like a friend or two. I'm quite the introvert, so getting out of my shell and sustaining a friendship is hard. I often feel like I am doing the lion's share of the work to maintain them, so I usually let them fall away.
So this is just a random collection of my thoughts, and I guess I am OK with that. I don't expect anyone to show up and enjoy this blog.. but you are more then welcome to if you find it.
Heck, if you do enjoy it, I might like to meet you :)
The "You are so insignificant" portion of my ego, the one that tells me I do not matter in society (and heck even if I don't I really don't care - but sometimes it is really inconvenient in my life when the whole world doesn't revolve around me) can't help but wonder if we are now keeping the place warm because SHE is here..
(yes, SHE.. I don't much like her as she is tall and thin. Yes, she is nice and pleasant and sweet and all that, but I just can't get over the fact that she is tall and blond and thin and that bothers me Yes, I know, that is judgmental of me, and I really shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I do my best not to let it show, and since it really only bugs me when I am looking right at her (and not her face.. I can look at her face and be polite and kind), I do my best not to spend a great deal of time looking at her. Maybe I should. Maybe it would "desensitize" me to her thinness and her blondness and her tallness.. *sigh* I really am pathetic)
I really don't want this blog to be a place I just come and rant. I'd like for it to be something and mean something, but I don't really have a focus on what. Generally I mean it to be my journal, for me. Something I could look back on if I chose to (I have real paper and pen journals that I almost never look back in. I do from time to time when I find them when I am looking for something else - I might open to a random page and see what i was thinking)
I generally don't feel I have much to say that the "general public" wants to hear. I have often said I am not fit for human consumption. and I believe this to be true. This blog is called "outside the norm" because that is how I feel when ever I try to have a conversation with a group of people... when I try to join a forum.. heck when I try to talk to my co-workers. even my own immediate family. Sometimes even my husband doesn't really understand me.. (but then again who ever really understands someone else 100% of the time?)
I am perfectly content meandering through life, not causing any trouble, being a help when I can.. I have no great ambition in life other then not to be made to be belittled by someone else. I am happy with my corner of the world and how I have set it up, the "decorations hung on the walls" if you will. Granted there are times that I wish I would win the lottery - and there are times I randomly play - but mostly what I would do with the money is support the causes I support now.. just more of it. I would probably quit work to be more active in the charities I believe in, but I don't see me buying a great big house and traveling (OK I'd probably have a fire place installed and some landscaping done.. and I'd probably hire someone to do housework since I hate that)
I am very thankful for what I do have, and that I am in the position that I am in that I can enjoy this. While not rich, I am far from poor. I have a job that I don't NEED TO HAVE (I've had those, those suck no matter what they are and how much you might like the job)
There is a lot about my life I would change if I had the proverbial three wishes.. I think about those a lot. but they are pretty minor when you consider what other people might wish for. I would like to weigh less then I do, I would like not to be as tired as I am all the time. I'd like for my headaches to go away and not come back.
But I'd also like a friend or two. I'm quite the introvert, so getting out of my shell and sustaining a friendship is hard. I often feel like I am doing the lion's share of the work to maintain them, so I usually let them fall away.
So this is just a random collection of my thoughts, and I guess I am OK with that. I don't expect anyone to show up and enjoy this blog.. but you are more then welcome to if you find it.
Heck, if you do enjoy it, I might like to meet you :)
1.31.2012
wow
Can't believe it has been since last may since I have posted. Seems like ever so long ago. although reading those posts, I've got pretty much the same issues going on. and yes, it is frustrating me. Even more so seeing it in print.
My new dr has me on HCG, and I love it and hate it at the same time. I'm also seeing a therapist.. which the best description of what he does is energy work. He "unblocks my flow". It feels stupid, and it sounds stupid, but quite often I come out of there completely emotionally drained. and I feel it is doing "something"
I got up as high as 237. five of those pounds were the fat loading to start HCG. I was up to 235 then went on a "cleanse" and got down to 229 - but that was because I was eating nothing and had diarrhea. Once I started eating I went back up to 232. At 232 she suggested I wait a little bit to start HCG, and so I took that to mean a couple of days.. and then the two days of fat loading. so in that while I ate what ever I want. I ordered a pizza, I ate the first doughnut I had in years. I wasn't obscene about it, but for two full days I had no food paranoia..
which I've had in spades up till then since I was told I had "food sensitives" and was told to get off 20 or so foods that i ate quite regularly. Not quite sure I believe in all that, but I was willing to give it a go if it was going to help me feel better. six months of that and I was getting sick and tired of eating the same few things over and over, but there was no room for deviation.. and frankly I felt a bit like a prisoner.
now granted I'm not eating any better being on hcg, but I know it is very limited, and I am loosing weight which is a positive. I mean you spend years jumping through hoop after hoop hoping for result and not finding any, it is enough to make anyone postal.
In all honesty, I don't see any difference in my life between then and now. Probably a good thing I stopped blogging for a while.
My new dr has me on HCG, and I love it and hate it at the same time. I'm also seeing a therapist.. which the best description of what he does is energy work. He "unblocks my flow". It feels stupid, and it sounds stupid, but quite often I come out of there completely emotionally drained. and I feel it is doing "something"
I got up as high as 237. five of those pounds were the fat loading to start HCG. I was up to 235 then went on a "cleanse" and got down to 229 - but that was because I was eating nothing and had diarrhea. Once I started eating I went back up to 232. At 232 she suggested I wait a little bit to start HCG, and so I took that to mean a couple of days.. and then the two days of fat loading. so in that while I ate what ever I want. I ordered a pizza, I ate the first doughnut I had in years. I wasn't obscene about it, but for two full days I had no food paranoia..
which I've had in spades up till then since I was told I had "food sensitives" and was told to get off 20 or so foods that i ate quite regularly. Not quite sure I believe in all that, but I was willing to give it a go if it was going to help me feel better. six months of that and I was getting sick and tired of eating the same few things over and over, but there was no room for deviation.. and frankly I felt a bit like a prisoner.
now granted I'm not eating any better being on hcg, but I know it is very limited, and I am loosing weight which is a positive. I mean you spend years jumping through hoop after hoop hoping for result and not finding any, it is enough to make anyone postal.
In all honesty, I don't see any difference in my life between then and now. Probably a good thing I stopped blogging for a while.
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