wow

Can't believe it has been since last may since I have posted.  Seems like ever so long ago.  although reading those posts, I've got pretty much the same issues going on. and yes, it is frustrating me.  Even more so seeing it in print.

My new dr has me on HCG, and I love it and hate it at the same time.  I'm also seeing a therapist.. which the best description of what he does is energy work.  He "unblocks my flow".  It feels stupid, and it sounds stupid, but quite often I come out of there completely emotionally drained.  and I feel it is doing "something"

I got up as high as 237.  five of those pounds were the fat loading to start HCG.  I was up to 235 then went on a "cleanse" and got down to 229 - but that was because I was eating nothing and had diarrhea.  Once I started eating I went back up to 232.   At 232 she suggested I wait a little bit to start HCG, and so I took that to mean a couple of days.. and then the two days of fat loading.  so in that while I ate what ever I want.  I ordered a pizza, I ate the first doughnut I had in years. I wasn't obscene about it, but for two full days I had no food paranoia..

which I've had in spades up till then since I was told I had "food sensitives" and was told to get off 20 or so foods that i ate quite regularly.  Not quite sure I believe in all that, but I was willing to give it a go if it was going to help me feel better.  six months of that and I was getting sick and tired of eating the same few things over and over, but there was no room for deviation.. and frankly I felt a bit like a prisoner. 

now granted I'm not eating any better being on hcg, but I know it is very limited, and I am loosing weight which is a positive.  I mean you spend years jumping through hoop after hoop hoping for result and not finding any, it is enough to make anyone postal.

In all honesty, I don't see any difference in my life between then and now.  Probably a good thing I stopped blogging for a while.