a dream

Now this was interesting.  I "woke up" in my dream.  I was sleeping in my car (that I own now) outside of the house I grew up in.  My husband was sleeping next to me.  There was frost on the windows.  I woke him up and told him it was time to go home, so we unreclined our seats and he started driving.  I lived on a dead end street, and he drove towards the woods, and made as if to drive into them (via the path that we used to explore the woods, that was no where near car sized) I said you can't go this way, and he got annoyed with me but turned the car around.  All of a sudden there were gorillas that we had to avoid, and a giant tree spirit of the tree that grew in the neighbor's yard (near our mailbox) that was laying around the street and in the yards cut to pieces (even though in RL the tree had been cut down years before.. )

I spoke to the tree spirit and apologized for it being cut down, and it let us pass, and we drove home. 

There was more to this, but I don't remember much else..

gorillas?? I love how my mind wanders when I'm sleeping.  I guess I'm just glad it isn't being mad at me any more and giving me nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares, I do remember that I had one a few days/week ago.. I remember waking up quite shaken.. but fortunately I don't remember what it was.

Well February is almost over.. It seemed to take a really long time this year.  Last year I thought it would be nice to take a trip in February to get away from the cold and to break up the dread of getting through the winter with out anything to look forward to.  But the weather hasn't been bad, and I just can't see traveling anywhere on my limited food choices - not that I really enjoy traveling.. but it might have been nice to do a little shopping and go somewhere warm and go swimming.. but it just didn't work out this year and it seems to have worked out OK.

I made a cake for DH yesterday, and I had a piece.  I was totally unimpressed with it (but everyone else raved about it) and I have decided to try to do with out sugar today.  Probably tomorrow too, but absolutely no sugar today.  My pear doesn't count..

Just noticed something

So I have been working in this office for over 5 years.  I have been cold the entire time.  Recently we hired another worker who is part time.  She is cold.  The manager and one of the sales associates (it is a small office) are warm people, so they kept the temp pretty low.  We hire another full time sales associate, call her a sales manager.  She's cold. Now all of a sudden the office is kept at a nice balmy temp and I haven't really felt the need to use my space heater in a while.

The "You are so insignificant" portion of my ego, the one that tells me I do not matter in society (and heck even if I don't I really don't care - but sometimes it is really inconvenient in my life when the whole world doesn't revolve around me) can't help but wonder if we are now keeping the place warm because SHE is here..

(yes, SHE.. I don't much like her as she is tall and thin.  Yes, she is nice and pleasant and sweet and all that, but I just can't get over the fact that she is tall and blond and thin and that bothers me  Yes, I know, that is judgmental of me, and I really shouldn't, but I can't help myself.   I do my best not to let it show, and since it really only bugs me when I am looking right at her (and not her face.. I can look at her face and be polite and kind), I do my best not to spend a great deal of time looking at her.  Maybe I should.  Maybe it would "desensitize" me to her thinness and her blondness and her tallness.. *sigh* I really am pathetic)

I really don't want this blog to be a place I just come and rant.  I'd like for it to be something and mean something, but I don't really have a focus on what.  Generally I mean it to be my journal, for me.  Something I could look back on if I chose to (I have real paper and pen journals that I almost never look back in.  I do from time to time when I find them when I am looking for something else - I might open to a random page and see what i was thinking) 

I generally don't feel I have much to say that the "general public" wants to hear.  I have often said I am not fit for human consumption. and I believe this to be true.  This blog is called "outside the norm" because that is how I feel when ever I try to have a conversation with a group of people... when I try to join a forum.. heck when I try to talk to my co-workers. even my own immediate family.  Sometimes even my husband doesn't really understand me.. (but then again who ever really understands someone else 100% of the time?)

I am perfectly content meandering through life, not causing any trouble, being a help when I can.. I have no great ambition in life other then not to be made to be belittled by someone else.  I am happy with my corner of the world and how I have set it up, the "decorations hung on the walls" if you will.  Granted there are times that I wish I would win the lottery - and there are times I randomly play - but mostly what I would do with the money is support the causes I support now.. just more of it.  I would probably quit work to be more active in the charities I believe in, but I don't see me buying a great big house and traveling (OK I'd probably have a fire place installed and some landscaping done.. and I'd probably hire someone to do housework since I hate that)

I am very thankful for what I do have, and that I am in the position that I am in that I can enjoy this.  While not rich, I am far from poor.  I have a job that I don't NEED TO HAVE (I've had those, those suck no matter what they are and how much you might like the job)

There is a lot about my life I would change if I had the proverbial three wishes.. I think about those a lot.  but they are pretty minor when you consider what other people might wish for.   I would like to weigh less then I do, I would like not to be as tired as I am all the time.  I'd like for my headaches to go away and not come back. 

But I'd also like a friend or two.  I'm quite the introvert, so getting out of my shell and sustaining a friendship is hard.  I often feel like I am doing the lion's share of the work to maintain them, so I usually let them fall away.

So this is just a random collection of my thoughts, and I guess I am OK with that. I don't expect anyone to show up and enjoy this blog.. but you are more then welcome to if you find it.

Heck, if you do enjoy it, I might like to meet you :)