anxiety

I have been fighting some anxiety today pretty badly.  I know it isn't a good idea, I know I should just sit in a corner and let it wash over me and I won't have to deal with as much but I'm at work and sitting somewhere and having a break down really isn't an option.

I also think I can eat my way out of it.  but now it is 2.5 hours until work is over and i am out of food..

I didn't do any work yesterday.  I haven't done any work today.. I really really need to get over this and buckle down..

arrrgh.


Anyway, I suppose I should update you since the last post.  I am working on having no anxiety regarding food.  I am not having much luck.  I am trying to eat what I want when I want, but I am still finding that I say I should eat x or should have less y.  getting over an entire life of programming of 'good' foods and 'bad' foods is near impossible.

I am back up to my pre pre weight loss weight, and I am disgusted with it.  I am working on not being so, but that is hard as well.  once again a life time of what I 'should' look like has done it's damage.

I am also quite disgusted with what is going on in the news.  The former White House doctor making very direct and derogatory and defamatory statements about Governor Christie's weight.. I so hope he sues her.  I know he probably won't, but he should.  She should have kept her mouth shut and her opinions to herself.  if she wanted to rant about how unhealthy overweight people are in general, that is one thing, but to be so specific.. it is bullying in its worst form - period!

Then there was Rex Reed.. O.. M.. G.. what on earth was that jack hole thinking?? If you don't like Melissa McCarthy's acting, say that, but to use such horrid language to describe her body shape??  there just aren't words.  and what is worse is I am pretty sure there are a lot of people out there that agree with him.

Now I will admit I have a hard time seeing overweight people in the media.  Every time I catch myself having a reaction (I generally don't get to actual words) I have to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with someone being overweight in their position.  that it is wonderful to be diverse.  Not that we should promote being overweight as the ideal, but we also should not be promoting anorexia as the ideal - which is where we have been for far far too long.  Lest you think I am fat prejudice  please know I have a problem with most people who aren't "normal" and I will until it becomes the norm.  the first time I saw a person of color (she was black) i had the exact same reaction.   It isn't because I'm afraid or I think it is wrong, it is just different and unexpected.  Think of it this way, when you are sitting some where and loud noise happens, you react right?  It isn't because you hate the noise, it is because you weren't expecting it.

So haters just need to shut up and get used to it.  The world is currently getting fatter and fatter, and hating it is NOT going to to make it go away..