feeling blue

I'm bothered that I don't blog more.  I like creating a record, but frankly if it doesn't have to do with cats, I'm not all that interested in it lately.  I seem to have a one tract mind and on some levels that is fun, on others.. well it means I don't blog much any more for me.

I'm also feeling lonely lately. I'm not sure why, I have more friends now than I probably ever have had thanks to said cat focus, but still.. *sigh* it's probably just the brain chemistry making me think I suck..

weight.. well I stopped weighing myself.  I figure what was the point.  My body was going to do what it was going to do regardless of the direction I tried to steer it, so why continue to look at that number and feel miserable about myself.  now I feel miserable about myself and no number to confirm it.  I am in a size 24 pant and it kills me.  I refuse to buy more than a couple of pairs at any one time hoping against hope that my body will finally 'figure it out' and let go of some of the weight.  I normally feel half decent, and when I start actually having energy I think I can work out a little (and I seriously mean a little) and even though I make it fun and do my best to enjoy what ever I'm doing, I immediately start feeling so very very tired again and end up struggling through the day for the next few days / week.  I can not tell you how much I hate this..

Work.. I'm still at the same job since 2006 which is pretty impressive.  Mostly because my immediate boss is half decent and I'm too tired to look for another job and too scared of what I might end up with to leave.  I currently have a co-worker I'd really prefer if she found another job, as she seems to delight in making my life miserable with her passive aggressive ways.  I've tried several different ways to deal with her, and nothing seems to be working.  We recently had a huge blow out again, and the immediate boss stepped in and so far so good.. but I know it is lurking in the darkness and it will return.. *sigh*

I stepped on something yesterday morning.  I think it was an old staple, but I really have no idea.  My foot hurts, and I should probably go see someone about it, but I'm so tired of doctors and medicine, that I'm kind of hoping that it will heal on its own. Because it was rusty, my brain is all over tetanus (I've had the shot) and my leg feels weird and so does my ankle.. it hurts when I walk barefoot, but not when I'm on memory foam.. my leg didn't feel weird when I woke up, so I'm pretty sure it is psychosomatic.  but if it still hurts in a day or two I'll go get it looked at.

I can't tell you how badly I want to run away to an island somewhere.. something small.. something warm.. with swimming and sand and a hammock and a fruity drink with an umbrella.