I am so freakin tired

It's been almost two months since my last post and I've given up on the 'new' doctor and am trying to get into somewhere else.  A woman I work with loves her doctor so I gave her a call this morning only to find she isn't accepting patients.

I had an emotional breakdown on the phone.  I felt horrid for it, but the poor woman who had the misfortune to answer the phone was very kind.  I did my best to explain why I was sobbing on the phone with her, and she felt bad for me and sounded like she wanted to help me. If she is half as helpful as she sounded when I was sobbing on her virtual shoulder, then I will have hope..


but right now, I've got nothing.

After the call I just gave up and went back to bed and sobbed like a fool for ten minutes. I finally was able to pull myself together and get back to the process of going to work.. but all day I've been on the verge of tears and seriously I just want to scream.

I seriously don't care how things progress at this point, I just want some progress.  I want to talk to someone who knows something and who is willing to listen to me. I want to get beyond "I've never heard of that" SO FREAKIN LEARN!!!

the reason I'm calling a new dr is because I forced the issue with the old one, and finally they said they referred me to an endocrinologist.  I waited and waited for the referral to come through, and nothing.  I called back and found out that the endo didn't think they could help me, so instead of calling be to let me know and trying to find someone else to help me, they just let it drop.

I spoke to the practice manager who was 'very sorry' that this happened and was unhappy this was my experience, then didn't bother to follow through.  The third phone call I made I ended up in tears, and still no call, no help, nothing.  as soon as I find a new doctor I am so leaving them horrid reviews everywhere I can.

If I do have Lipedema, having a diagnosis isn't really going to change a lot for me.. there are things that can be done for it, wrapping of my limbs to help the lymph system, manual lymph drainage - aka massage - compression clothing.. some supplements to help with circulation.. and maybe eventually some liposuction. but having a reason why I am the way I am, and why things are so hard.. it would make all the difference in my head.. because right now - no matter how much I try to tell myself otherwise - my being overweight feels like it is all my fault.