Keto failed - move happening

So I gave keto a really good try. I lost a few pounds right away - as you do with every diet you try - but then nothing. Going keto is hard when you are already mineral depleted, which I totally believe I am, so I was taking handfuls of magnesium and potassium to get through the day. Not that I have a huge problem with that, but since I wasn't getting results and I went weeks at the same weight (just wait it out, you'll have a flush, you'll see! it's just water holding the place of fat, it will totally leave after a few more days) and I was once again dreading what to eat, I decided to give it up.  I'm beyond frustrated with my weight, my lipedema, and the lack of support I am getting in this area.

but most of that is on hold. In April/Mayish husband was given a promotion that meant more money and most likely fewer hours but it means we have to move out of state. We have been looking from than to just recently when we found a house that we both like. Actually, we found two. One was over our budget, so we put in a low offer and they said no. So we went with the other. I am now regretting that decision, but I know I'd most likely regret going with the other house too, because I'm just weird.

So now we are in the dickering stage, where we find things wrong with the house and ask them to fix it. I hate this stage. I'm also trying to pack, which is a bitch. I am not a fan of throwing perfectly good things out, but I do not want to move a whole bunch of stuff. So I'm trying to donate a lot, but I know much of it isn't really donatable.  Part of me loves throwing things out so we have more space and I've fallen in love with the idea of getting new stuff once we are there, but the idea is harsh in reality because you have to spend a lot of money to get new stuff.

The other part of me is having a really hard time getting rid of things. Part of it is my heritage I know. My grandmother was somewhat of a hoarder, according to my mother, and my mother was a throw everything out you don't need it, just get rid of it all, kind of person. She would constantly throw my stuff out because I was a teenager and kept things on the floor and she could not stand that.

But also..

I deal with depression. I always have. My brain becomes chemically unbalanced I find no joy in life and I see no point in living. I see no point in dying either, because I know full well that my death will bring pain to others far greater than I am going through, but there have been times in my past when I seriously contemplated it, and yes, I started giving away my things.... (or had them thrown out by my mother proving to me that my stuff was worthless to her, as was I) so letting things go remind me strongly of those days and it is hard to fight the idea that I'm choosing to do this for reasons that have nothing with my preparing to die. it is just a vicious spiral.

One thing keeping me here is my cat. Not my husband, not my family. My cat. I can't face the idea of what would happen to him without me. Why it is okay for me to end my life early (again, not that I'm contemplating it outright, but I know that throwing things out activates that part of my brain so I need to give it something to hold on to - which right now is the cat) but not his. Depression ethics are weird.

So I hold on to that, and the fact that once I move I know things will be so much better for me than they are right now. Well, eventually. Well, at least I hope so.

thinking of going keto

Well, I have been living with the diagnosis of lipedema for a while now. I've settled into my 'new normal' weight of *who the heck knows because I'm not getting on a scale but I've stopped getting bigger*

Hanging around with other women with lipedema online, there is one overriding theme, drive, desire - to lose weight.

I get it. Few of us fit into 'normal' and we would like to at least be in the same zip code of it and the only way to do that is to be smaller. Being larger sucks. Sitting in airplane seats is horrific. Going to offices that buy chairs that have arms.. not being able to buy decent clothes because manufacturers and department stores *I'm looking at you Kohl's* have decided that they only need to carry 1/4th (or less) the number of items of clothing for 'plus' women that they do for 'normal' women (man I hate those terms)

I lost weight a few years ago. Did it with Nutrisystem and I ruined my health doing it. I am starting to get back most of what I lost, but I still have a way to go. I am afraid of dieting in that I'm afraid that restricting my intake in any way will set me back.

Keto is changing from a carb based diet to a fat based one: cheese, cream, eggs, avocados, fatty meats, low glycemic vegetables (not roots).

It sounds so enticing because I like most of that stuff (well avocados and I have a weird relationship, same with eggs) I still haven't really figured out what I would have for breakfast. I've been having cream cheese on a slice of provolone and that seems to work for my sensibilities and my time management issues, but I enjoy my banana smoothie made with whole raw milk - but bananas are out.

So right now I'm focusing on becoming fat adapted - eating more fat and fewer carbs. Husband is going out of town in a couple of weeks and I think I'll try keto for a few days then and see how it goes.

as I slowly change over, I find I don't miss a lot of the carb foods I was eating. I went to a fundraiser this past weekend with lots of chocolate, and while it was nice to eat, I didn't stuff myself silly, and I found it very easy to pass up things that weren't jaw-droppingly delicious.

I am facing giving up a well-made jasmine rice, which makes me sad. I could eat that stuff plain. I'm also loving pizza crust.. both just make me happy because I enjoy the taste of them.

I've had to stop taking Mucinex because it was giving me heart palpitations.

I have found a surgeon who should do liposuction on me, but right now it is a waiting game as we go through the process of referral and scheduling.  It would be so nice if I could get that done by this summer, but I'm not holding my breath.